Monday, April 15, 2013

We remind all staff that when a slot in the control panel is labelled "Taq Polymerase Replenishment Only", it is not intended for the disposal of ham-sandwich crusts

It remains to be seen whether the market for gourmet pork ice-cream onna stick really exists. However, when a minor contamination issue in the Vat-grown Godmeat facility results in a glut of tissue-cultured pig muscle, one does the best one can to dispose of it.

The initial plan was to sell the product under the name "Pink Ham Frozen Dairy Dessert", until Riddled's legal advisors Messrs Trahison and Clerisy (Solicitors and Commissioners for Oaths) pointed out at their usual hourly rate that this was a misnomer since a ham contains a bone which is absent from the cultured product. To avoid misleading consumers we have marked them as Champagne hams instead. This should spare us the usual prying and impertinent inquiries from the Trades Descriptions Board.

9 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Porkulus Pop™
~

Sirius Lunacy said...

Hogsicle - will not only sell to the kiddies, but will attract the Harley riding clientele as well.

mikey said...

I suppose Satay onna Stick is (overly) redundant...

tigris said...

Pig on a Poker? OOH, or Porker on a Poker...

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Soylent pink?

fish said...

I am guessing "suck on this hog" is not going to be the ad campaign.

mikey said...

But then again, "she could suck-start a Harley" is a high complement indeed in certain circles...

Smut Clyde said...

Sure, it starts with pink champagne on ice and everything's fine... but the next thing you know, one of your devices is blocking the door and keeping you imprisoned, and you realise that you're stuck in a Robert Sheckley story.

Substance McGravitas said...

Hmm, close, but not there yet.