Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Q.: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A.: Because some numpty had stuck a toilet plunger on its butt

 photo dinosaur-walking-chicken2.gif
Ace paleontologist Jack Horner reckons that chickens can easily be converted back into their ancestral dinosaurs by awakening the silent genes lying dormant in their chromosomes, restoring their teeth and their hands and the long counterweighty velociraptor tail and things like that. Skeptical inquiry as to the practicality of this goal meet with the Redbeard Rum philosophy:

Rum:    Opinion is divided on the subject. 
Edmund: Oh, really? [starting to get the picture]
Rum:    Yahs. All the other captains say it is; I say it isn't.

-- although Horner's response is worded slightly differently, "Scientists who play by someone else's rules don't have much chance of making discoveries."

His endeavours would be much easier with the use of the Riddled Evolvamat, but right now that is on loan to the New Zealand Cricket Board. They are hoping that judicious genetic manipulation of Richard Hadlee's bloodline will provide them with a four-armed cricket player. Supposedly this will allow the Black Stumps (or whatever the team is called) to beat the Indian team on a regular basis, and if that fails, at least there will opportunities for "four-warned is four-armed" jokes.

Anyway, Horner's project is a long-term goal. It is no consolation for chickens alive now and struggling with the body-image issues of being a velociraptor trapped in a poultry body. Much in the manner of humans who yearn for digitigrade leg extensions or artificial dolphin flukes.

Fortunately another team of researchers are addressing their problems, providing chickens with prosthetic posteriors to assuage their phantom-tail syndrome.

Evidently the gallinaceous subjects, fitted with their prosthetics straight ab ovo, adjust well and develop a convincing Saurischian strut. The research is expected to pay for itself by combining the subjects with some brickfilm Lego animation, i.e. a cheap Sweded remake of Jurassic Park [sadly, the title 'Jurassic Peck' has already been dibsed by a commenter at Boing Boing].

It's all fun and games until the body modifications and the cyborg enhanced poultry get out of hand.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Apparently, the First Experiment wasn't exciting enough for a book cover.

Smut Clyde said...

It failed, too many times.

fish said...

That chicken is playing Joust all rong.