Saturday, May 30, 2015

Freak industrial accident: Midget caught inside Egg-whisk

Some of these case studies come from Electronic Gem Therapist Michael Kelly; some are from The Third Policeman. See if you can tell which is which!
certain enzymes reading well above the normal at 167. His Assemblage Point was 10cm to the right in the anxious location and a shadow was observed in the depressed location on top of the liver. A radiometric scan of his liver revealed it to be 2 degrees hotter than his spleen. He received Bliss treatment and emerald and sapphire to his liver on five separate occasions before having his liver enzymes re-checked at 84
People menaced by arrows:
probably by Gauls*
MacCruiskeen eyed his book keenly.
‘Ten point five,’ he said.
‘Ten point five,’ said the Sergeant. ‘And what was the reading on the beam?’
‘Five point three.’
‘And how much on the lever?’
‘Two point three.’
‘Two point three is high,’ said the Sergeant.

It's 11 o'clock. Do you know 
where your Assemblage Point is?
Chris received sapphire at 1.6hz for one hour on two separate occasions.

[R.T.] received emerald, diamond and yellow sapphire at 3.6 Hz with a blue filter to both his knees for 30 minutes every week over a 14 week period.

‘I take it, then,’ I said to old Mathers, ‘that when you say you can tell the length of life, so to speak, from the colour of your shirt, you mean that you can tell roughly whether you will be long-lived or short-lived?’
‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘But if you use your intelligence you can make a very accurate forecast. Naturally some colours are better than others. Some of them, like purple or maroon, are very bad and always mean an early grave. Pink, however, is excellent, and there is a lot to be said for certain shades of green and blue. The prevalence of such colours at birth, however, usually connote a wind that brings bad weather—thunder and lightning, perhaps—and there might be difficulties such, for instance, as getting a woman to come in time. As you know, most good things in life are associated with certain disadvantages.’

For some reason, Gem Therapy no longer features in the buffet of no-cutting-edges Healing Modalities offered by the St Benedicts holistic Health Care centre [40 St. Benedicts St, Auckland] -- one can only suppose that the gemstones wore out their colours -- although therapist Michael Kelly retains the name "Vibronic Health" for his gmail address and his company name. We rely upon the mystic wonders of the Wayback Machine for access.

In the first step of his healing journey, Kelly "was initiated into the Sufi tradition and studied Psychology, Philosophy and Mysticism". In 2004 he received his training in "Dynamic Radiometric Thermal Diagnostics" and "Dielectric Resonance Management Procedures" from Dr Jon Whale. In 2005 he learned Biological Terrain Management ("utilizing analysis of Saliva and Urine for health assessment and intervention recommendations"), and in 2009 he "completed four years training in Western Biomedicine and three years training in Acupuncture, at the Auckland College of Acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine." He has munged together the best bits from these diverse techniques into his own eclectic, syncretic practice... or even 'synclectic'... a word I invented just now which combines the best bits of both.
Biological Terrain managed by Carl Warner
Unauthorised use of NLM logo, but
out-of-date logo so no-one cares
Alert readers will recall that as well as offering hypnotherapeutic and landlordly skills at 40 St Benedicts St, Kelly offers 'practical guidance' in the use of GcMAF... a cancer-curing wonder drug most often encountered in crowd-sourcing situations where dying people appeal to the kindness of strangers to help cover its costs. The St Benedicts site provides a list of GcMAF-prescribing doctors -- some with quite unusual qualifications -- while Kelly offers the "Swiss Protocol" (6 to 12 weeks of $3000-per-week GcMAF yogurt, injections, suppositories, inhalation and applied-directly-to-the-forehead) through his company ImmunoBiotech, based at the same address.

Yes, I promised Another Kiwi and tigris that there would be no more GcMAF-blogging. Yet I admit that I am powerless over my addiction to GcMAF sites, that my life has become unmanageable. The topic drags me back in, much in the manner of playing Wolfenstein 3D where you know that if you click on enough panels there will at least one more secret door or easter-egg apart from the ones you have already found.

One such site caught my eye due to the high level of precision to which its momentum is known, leading to a complete lack of information about its location and the use of a .biz domain rather than a country. In a non-localised, distributed, cyberspatial way it links to Switzerland... to David Noakes' Guernsey-based ImmunoBiotech supplier of blood-extract GcMAF*... and to (another instantiation of 40 St Benedicts St) for all your magic yoghurt needs. On its "buy GcMAF" page, the site refers the eager reader to NZ ImmunoBiotech, with a caveat that "New Zealand medical doctors cannot advertise they treat with GcMAF" (to return the favour it recycles images from St Benedicts).

A Whois inquiry shows the domain to be registered to Patrick Arthur of Muehlebachstr 206, CH-8008 Zürich, who can be reached through the e-address "".

The same Patrick Arthur (with the same details) used to run "". Until that site folded last year, it was St Benedicts' recommended supplier of DCA, the previous Wonder Cancer Cure that Doctors Won't Tell You About (until it recently lost its cancer-curativity and fell into desuetude). It also sold MSM or Methylsulfonylmethane, which is a popular Health Supplement on account of the naturalnesss implied by its name.

So we knock at a few Domain-info inquiries... timidly, half-expecting the secret panel to slide open and reveal Mecha-Hitler behind. What a relief to find that the other person who registers domains at Muehlebachstr 206, Zürich, with the "", is Patrick A. Kelly. Who does not have minigun arms. The Riddled legal advisory team of Trahison and Clerisy (solicitors and commissioners for oaths) insisted that I be as explicit as possible about this evidence of non-hitlertude.

Like Michael Kelly, Patrick travelled the world and sat at the feet of spiritual masters -- Indian Yogins, Chinese Daoists and Middle Eastern Gnostics -- and drank deep of different founts of spiritual wisdom as one drinks of the blushful hippocrene and the Fountain of Girl.*** Then he settled in Zürich and syncretised or eclecticated all those wisdom traditions into an all-encompassing World Wide Way.

Synclectic WWW symbol

Ecretic symbol
The practical expression of the World Wide Way is 9 Clouds Tai Chi. Do not be despondent if if you wish to avail yourself of its teachings but you are not Swiss-resident, for it is a franchise, with dojos in China, and one in Auckland... at 40 St Benedicts St.

I would not be surprised if Patrick A. the meditation guru and Patrick Arthur the distributor of DCA and GcMAF were the same person. But at the deepest level, are we not all one person?
‘Was there a fall?’ he asked.
‘A light fall at five-thirty.’
‘Five-thirty is rather late if the fall was a light one,’ he said.‘Did you put charcoal adroitly in the vent?’
‘I did,’ said MacCruiskeen.
‘How much?’
‘Seven pounds.’
‘I would say eight,’ said the Sergeant.
‘Seven was satisfactory enough,’ MacCruiskeen said, ‘if you recollect that the reading on the beam has been falling for the past four days. I tried the shuttle but there was no trace of play or looseness in it.’
‘I would still say eight for safety-first,’ said the Sergeant, ‘but if the shuttle is tight, there can be no need for timorous anxiety.’

‘Six point nine six three circulating,’ MacCruiskeen was saying.
‘High,’ said the Sergeant. ‘Very high. There must be a ground heat. Tell me about the fall.’
‘A medium fall at midnight and no lumps.’
The Sergeant laughed and shook his head.
‘No lumps indeed,’ he chuckled, ‘there will be hell to pay tomorrow on the lever if it is true there is a ground heat.’
MacCruiskeen got up suddenly from his chair.
‘I will give her half a hundredweight of charcoal,’ he announced.

* "What's sagittis molesworth what case come along boy -- sagitta sagitta sagittam first declension -- with arows by with or from arows. The gauls are atacking the ditches with arows -- telisque -- telisque, molesworth?"

** UPDATE #1. Mr Noakes is under a lot of stress these days,  on account of regulatory-body inquiries into his blood-sourced GcMAF enrichment activities, and did not handle himself well in a recent BBC interview. In retrospect it may have been a mistake for him to have shifted to Guernsey as his base of operations. The local paper are not his biggest fans.

Now Guernsey is just a wee chunk of land just off the French coast, but the in-breds have their own establishment squirearchy, and their own language (a variety of Norman French), and the squirearchy will not be having with parvenus and nouveau-riche and arrivistes -- assuming that Norman French has terms for these concepts! -- turning up in their bailiwick and making a lot of noise. Especially if the noise might call attention to the main industry of Guernsey, i.e. being a tax haven. So the attention of authorities was somehow directed to Noakes.

*** Fountain of Girl is one of the few curative properties not attributed to GcMAF.


H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

So, Patrick A. Kelly is an epicene gnome? Does he do business from an egg-whisk?

Yastreblyansky said...

That was a terrific idea, but

*your too late*

as the professional editors at Synclectic Media would put it.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

This "WOO!" needs more "Super Science of Mu" to float my boat.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I'm outsourcing my comment.

JP said...

His Assemblage Point was 10cm to the right in the anxious location and a shadow was observed in the depressed location on top of the liver.

I suppose I am not entirely surprised that the "depressed" location is on top of the liver. However, I am somewhat surprised that a diamond apparently creates indigo vibrations or whatever.

I also have my doubts about special diamond rays having an antidepressant effect, although at this point I'm willing to try almost anything. I suppose that an irresponsible magician might accidentally shift my assemblage point to far to (my) left, though, and I could end up in the "Coma" area instead of "Clinical Depression." That would be bad.

Smut Clyde said...

My Assemblage Point is apparently wandering over in the direction of my left nipple. Perhaps a piercing will help.

ckc (not kc) said...

...I'm curious about the distinction between "Apathy" and "Fantasies and Apathy" (but I imagine I don't much care)

JP said...

Perhaps a piercing will help.

I hear they heal slowly.

Anonymous said...

Laugh all you want, but I can tell you a diamond enema really works for weight loss. Especially if you fail to declare them and wind up in a Turkish prison for three years.

tigris said...

The coldest rays are Mantas, they screen all their calls and don't even pick up for their mothers.