Saturday, November 21, 2015

I'm Swiss and I'm spending the night

The Swiss Protocol® is:
1. An elaborate ritual of signals, counter-signals and deniability used when negotiating bribes with Sepp Blatter.

2. Zurich's hardest-working Procol Harum covers band.

3. An immersive, integrative mash-up of all the nostrums, dietary substitutes and supplements, tests and gadgetry available to a cancer clinic, without evidence of efficacy in delaying death, but maximising the extraction of money during the patient's remaining life-span.

3. A techno-thriller written collaboratively and posthumously by Robert Ludlam and Elleston Trevor.

It transpires that none of the answers are wholly correct (but #3 is closest to the truth so I award myself the prize), for there is no single Swiss Protocol® [also known as the Ruggiero Protocol after the eponymous Swiss clinic attracted adverse attention from local authorities on account of too many dead patients]. GOleic is involved in most of the variants... this is the magic protein GcMAF, bonded with olive oil to make it more potent and less detectable.

"Is it GcMAF again?" Another Kiwi vouchsafed. "I thought you promised to give the GcMAF-blogging a break."

"I did," I explained, "but I seem to have fallen under a Geas to continue until some brave and venturesome publisher offers me a princely sum of beer money or shiny milk bottle tops to journamalise  the whole saga into a book-length exposé. Or a roman à clef. Whichever comes first."
Sustaining visualisation
You want a Swiss Protocol with morally-improving positive-emotion visualisation exercises? That's fine, we can do that!

You want your Swiss Protocol to stipulate a water de-acidifier? We can get that for you wholesale

If a clinic is set up to do ultrasound imaging, then sonoporation becomes integral to the Protocol... this is where the clinicians dress up as Dr McCoy and pretend that the scanner is a medical tricorder that weakens the blood/brain barrier.

Another Kiwi wants his Swiss Protocol to include fresh deer vomit. It may be that he is taking the piss.

Perhaps you prefer Tumor Metabolic Typing as an inherent part of your Swiss Protocol. No trouble -- turning to the Netherlands, we find that is on the case. I am inclined to take that as evidence that the site owner is in possession of a Tumor Metabolic Typing device.
Cheap imitation molecules
The site owner, one Michael van Gils, proves to be an Orthomolecular Therapist, which means (I think) that he advises his clients on how to consist of proper molecules rather than cheap imitations. Previously purveying GcMAF through what was then the Linus Pauling Kliniek and is now Revitalis, he is opening a chain of Thalamo clinics.

Let me just note now that our sudden interest in researching the Netherlands is absolutely nothing to do with any plan to turn the inevitable movie adaptation of the muck-raking exposé into one of those travelogue thrillers that visit half the cities of Europe, with tourism promotion boards subsidising the production costs.

Because Legal Reasons, Michael's sites do not divulge information about GOleic, Bravo Magic Yoghurt and MAP protein-pills to the uninitiated; it is password-protected, confined to registered patients and interested practitioners. The task of infiltrating the site -- registering, swearing the oath, signing away the first-born -- all these are left as an exercise for the reader.

It is a delight to report, as a contrast to some of the personalities that one encounters in the GcMAF milieu, that van Gils is not a late-coming opportunistic grifter. The Lnius-Pauling Kliniek was already announcing the arrival of genuine GcMAF with Professor Yamamoto's imprimatur, in a press release back in 2013, at the height of concerns about the provenance of some of the unlabeled ampoules changing hands in dark alleys. Of course that was before the name of Yamamoto fell into disrepute and obloquy for making stuff up, and apes and bats defiled the fallen Tablets of his ancestors, and the initial enthusiasm from Dutch cancer-support bloggers turned all recriminatory about the price and inefficacy of a course of treatment(not to mention the regular €125 bills for sending blood samples off to Yamamoto to be tested for Nagalase at his non-existent Socrates Institute).

More to the point, van Gils recently met with Marco Ruggiero (notable promoter of GcMAF and impresario of magic yoghurt) to learn the dark Swiss Protocolic secrets and be photographed with him: baptised, as it were, in the River Jordan of fermented milk.

"Roman A Clef, I thought he was an actor in Sergio Leone's spaghetti westerns."
"He can play the part of Marco Ruggiero in the movie adaptation."
These helpful diagrams from the Quantisana clinic -- showing Waldeyer's Tonsillar Ring of MALT tissues, and how it was pre-discovered as Chinese oral-acupuncture meridians -- are too good to omit.
Some might wonder how the GcMAF protein can enter the bloodstream to do its work, when taken orally, for it must survive the digestive process (the suppository route has similar problems, the large intestine not being noted for its protein-absorptive role). The explanatory bafflegab relies upon these lymph-system tissues in the throat, for in Ruggiero's alternative physiology, detecting antigens is the same as digestion.


rhwombat said...

Personally, I'm waiting until the Ruggieriosae realise that tonsillectomy is the oral equivalent of female genital mutilation, and establish a local branch of Jihadists for the Preservation of MALT (Waldeyer Brigade).

Smut Clyde said...

There is the temptation to write a few posts about circumcision, to see if the Foreskin Holocaust griefers turn up en masse.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

A real Swiss protocol needs a lot more Von Däniken to satisfy this quarter-Swiss cat.

At this point, I have to confess that I am not immune to Swiss health-woo, being overfond of Müesli... I prefer to eat my oats raw, like a horse does. While I like my Irish blade-cut oats, I prefer to make a pilaf out of them, like I would with bulghur or freekeh.

Note to self, buy some barley in order to make barley pilaf with mushroom.