Monday, November 30, 2015

Please swallow your Blue Dreamer
And place the helmet on your head
Three Men in Black Said
"Don't Report This!" #2

Crisis actors (may include infants)
The upside of residing in a country where pundits and politicians are currently exercised with a 'Change-the-Flag' national-nonentity mocktroversy is that we have no False-Flag operations, all flags being equally fictitious. Thus we are spared the unseemly phenomenon of Alex Jones wannabees procrustenating every disaster and mass murder into their narrative of "Stage-managed spectacle, scripted by the dramaturges and puppet-masters of the reality studio and performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton a troupe of Crisis Actors, to distract the Sheeple from The Truth©."
The conspiracy is ruthless
when dealing with traitors

It has come to our attention, however, here at the Riddled Research Laboratory and Sheepdip Mixing Dispensary, that other countries have more than their fair share of dot-connecting, pattern-matching, Sheeple-waking histrionic griefers collectively calling themselves Truthers. Variously convinced that the Fall of the Towers was faked, and that the last seven years of the Obama presidency has been a mass hallucination or an illegitimate time-line, which will retrospectively never have happened as soon as the true birth certificate comes to light. Also chemtrails, and Lyme disease, and Red Pills.
Some blame Post-modernism. Or Twitter. Jerome Lamb suggests that over-consumption of whacky-baccy contributes to the determination that Truthers bring to their deconstruction of every headline. Our own working hypothesis is that this is Neo-Gnosticism -- a revival or continuation of an intellectual tradition that began in the late-Hellenistic Levantine cultural arena, and continued into Roman Mithraism. People mashed up Greek initiation-mystery cults and Kabbalah (with a generous helping of Hindu/Buddhist notions about Samsara and the Veil of Maya)... concluding that there is an ultimate reality, and a cheap no-frills own- brand reality cobbled together by an inept and derivative Demiurge; and that we have been duped into occupying (or thinking we occupy) the imitation. Philip K. Dick was well-versed in this style of thinking, although he had the excuse of access to fine pharmaceuticals.

Our other, not-so-working hypothesis -- on vacation, easing gently into retirement -- is that there is money to be made here. Hence the Riddled Truther Cruise* -- a cafeteria of conspiracy, an all-you-can-eat buffet of belief. Passengers will be introduced to the literature and cinematography of fabricated realities, and there will be writing workshops, on the theory that they are basically trying to write science-fiction scenarios, so they might as well learn to do it properly.
Beguiling advertisements for Riddled cruise

Actual conditions not quite so attractive

The entertainment program so far includes
13th Floor..... World on a Wire..... The Congress
They Live..... Night Watch..... Men in Black.... Island
Dark City..... Matrix..... ExistenZ
Inception..... Vanilla Sky, Open your Eyes
Truman Show..... Adjustment Bureau..... Capricorn 1
Wayward Pines..... Man in the High Castle
I do not count that whole Death-dream genre from Carnival of Souls on through Jacob's Ladder where the protagonist is dead but reluctant to come to terms with the new dispensation. Nor that 1970s fashion for paranoia movies like Parallax View where the brainwashing conspiracy is content with pulling the strings from behind the scenes but is not creating those scenes and substituting its stage-management for reality. The President's Analyst is a borderline case. Reader contributions are welcome but the judges' decision is final and no correspondence will be entered into for any bribe less than $80.

There have still been no movie adaptations of Valis or of Penultimate Truth; nor of Colin Kapp's Manalone. Or if there were, then the Conspiracy successfully suppressed them.
* COMPLETELY NOT INSPIRED by the Conspira-Sea Cruise around the Mexican Riviera, as reported at Respectful Insolence. Conspiracy-curious passengers can become part of the captive audience for impresarios of paranoia, presenting a smorgasbord of alternative realities -- all equally valid, all equally plausible, and all for the purpose of ludic entertainment. Once you have believed six impossible things before as part of breakfast, their mutual incompossibility is not a concern.

During this incredible, mind-blowing, truth-telling, spiritually enriching event, we will do our best to uncover the truth about things conspiratorial, including:
GMOs, Monsanto, bee colony collapse, ecology, global warming, climate change, fracking, HIV, autism, big pharma, medical suppression, vaccinations, flouridation, political corruption, government corruption, forbidden archeology, forbidden religion, Federal Reserve, truth about money, World Bank, IRS, strawman, property title, admiralty law, martial law, Bohemian Grove, Skull and Bones, JFK, cover-ups, September 11, Star Wars agenda, nuclear plants, chemtrails, HAARP, crop circles, IRS, MK-Ultra, Fukashima, NASA, NSA, Bilderbergs, sustainability, military industrial complex, pentagon, Waco, Malaysia 370, Pan Am 103, TWA 800, Gulf Oil Spill, Halliburton, Obama, Ruby Ridge, OK City, Vatican, New World Order, false flags, Montauk, privacy, surveillance, Area 51, Dulce, Project Rainbow, Nazi Bell, Vrill, U.S.S. Eldridge, Iron Mountain, psyops, population mangement, subliminal ads, Nibiru / Planet X, Cointel Pro, technology suppression, entity possession, electoral fraud, identity chips, 2nd amendment, and so much more.

No-one seems particularly concerned about the potential conspiracy to lure everyone who knows the truth into a single location, where they can't get away, beyond the reach of national jurisdictions.


rhwombat said...

All Hail Orac!
Blake's Seven always did have better quality balsa wood sets that the old Doctor Who.

Emma said...

I wanted to take this holiday-adjacent opportunity to say that I've been really sick for a while -- not that sick, you know, but too sick to internet — and that reading Riddled posts every day has been my absolute favorite thing. It's like the Ignobel Prizes and the Darwin Awards at the same time! Only very, very depressing!!

As a person who suffers from the sort of poorly-understood, transitory, inflammation-based disease that is literally responsible for launching this particular ship, I can see how easy it is for desperate, ailing people to fall prey to these creeps. But disease-curing magic yoghurt is like prayer, you know? If it worked, you wouldn't need it. People who developed tumors would be just be like, "Goddammit, Frank, looks like I've got cancer again, I'll go ground my chakras and you get the yoghurt machine out." Medicine wouldn't exist. Not because it'd been out-competed by holistic remedies, but because there would be no lingering diseases left for it to treat. It wouldn't have needed to be invented in the first place. I'm not suggesting that the effects of herbs and meditation and microflora (and even prayer!) don't count or exist, but holy shit. My granny was a natural-born Appalachian herbalist, and she still took her blood pressure pills on time every day.

I don't even know how people think community-level conspiracies involving the entire government are supposed to work; it's like a flash mob in reverse, I guess. Have any of these idiots ever interacted with the actual government before? Gotten a driver's license, filled out a tax form, signed up an elderly relative for Medicare Parts B-K? Tried to change a small child's contact information at a public school? And all those things are, apparently, the "visible iceberg" part of the conspiracy. The real thing is a tesseract whose tangential folds are inhabited by assassins and death machines and mad scientists and men who smoke endless cigarettes and live forever.

Anyway, whatever, I'm getting mad: I just wanted to say thank you for being awesome and writing posts that made me laugh a lot in my time of need! Except for the one about that guy who set up the imaginary gentlemen's club with the cognac and the cigars and the private island. That one initiated a sequence of events that ended in a breathing treatment. Sometimes laughter isn't the best medicine :[

(I am sorry for that.)

Happy Soltice-Related Festival Of Your Choice!!!

Emma said...

"Solstice," it was supposed to say.
Apparently autocorrect doesn't manifest for capitalized words.

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

You have seen this incident, based on sworn testimony. Can you prove that it didn't happen?

Smut Clyde said...

We're not supposed to get sick, Emma, it's evidence of a moral failing or something. And if we do get sick, we're supposed to heal ourselves, by correct life-style or by choosing the right therapists... after all, society expects us to be In Control.

Some of the conversations in the private alt-med discussion groups are just heart-breaking.

A blog devoted to loosely-bolted-together crazy meanderings is not going to change anything; no-one is going to stumble across a Riddled screed by way of the Gazoogle and think "Oh, I was going to waste time and money on this or that quack therapy, but that nice Mr Clyde has changed my mind." So a lot of the time I am poking the borax at sick people (and the parasites who batten onto their desperation) purely for my own entertainment, and I feel a bit guilty about that.

But if it cheers someone up, that makes it worthwhile. So thanks.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

There's a "Man in the White Castle" joke in there somewhere... or there would be if White Castle weren't a chain of low-end burger joints.