Monday, June 20, 2016

Like a spine made of cornflakes

Continuing further into the exploration of the badly set jelly we call NZ society we come to the subject of infrastructure. I know, right, you had better grab a hot chocolate, with extra marshmallows and sit in the comfy chair.
One of the things that is pretty central to New Zild are rivers, all over the bleedin' place like they own it. Sluggishly galumping in the general direction of the ocean as the combined nutrient loads of the boom in dairying and century old sewerage systems ameliorate the wateriness of the water contained in them.
Of course Kiwis with their natural ingenuity and whatnot have found ways around these socialistic impediments to progress or even *dramatic piano chords in a manner reminiscent of Beethoven but not so much a copy as to have people saying "Oh, they've just nicked some Bate-whoven"* OVER the rivers!!
We call these bridges and they are much loved, until they fall down because bleedin' water scours away the supports and whatever magic holds them up. We love bridges so much we even have them over non-watery bits of the country because we are flexible like that. Our Minister for roads and bridges and whatever is even called Simon Bridges!! And he is a goat with floppy hair.

(Artist impression of Simon Bridges)

But now comes news that the steel used in four bridges on the Waikato expressway may be as structurally sound as Cornflakes. Interestingly enough, the expressway is to facilitate people driving into Auckland to not find a carpark and return in frustration and chagrin to Hamilton and prepare for another try the next day. The modern life we live!!
"But" you might ask in an entirely too sensible and non road company economics understanding, way, "surely this steel would have been tested?" Which shows how out-of-touch and old fashioned your ideas are because we don't do that asking and finding out stuff when we are the forefront of providing roads for Hamiltonians to get pissed off in Auckland. The Chinese steel companies that flogged   sold the steel to us in an completely up front and honest way, also had forms saying that This Steel is Actually Very Good, Actually"
 So what was the jolly old problem? Well it seems that the tests that were carried out were not so much as Internationally certified as they were A Bloke Ticked A Box Onna Form. This has alarmed the general citizenry not a jot because Mr Bridges has reassured us that:
 1) The bridges have not fallen down yet
 2)  The lack of testing happened in China not New Zealand
 3) It probably won't happen again.
 4) Has anyone got a box he could stand on?
Which is about par for the course for this spectator government. Standing around idly kicking the ground with their hands in their pockets, opening supermarkets, signing babies and kissing books.
While the Prime Minister seeks advice from his gut.


rhwombat said...

AK: If you can wait a couple of weeks, we might have the odd bit of second rate road fill (one with it's very own Cayman Island Account, and another who cycles around in Speedo's crooning "Nice Smeagol wantss it's precioussss back, yessss") that you can chuck in the holes. Is Bridges Minister Bridges related to Boris Johnson?

Another Kiwi said...

I am unfamiliar with Caprine genealogy but he is obnoxious enough. Thanks for the offer of road-fill but, er, they probably aren't even good at that.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Clearly Mr. Bridges cannot see any problem here.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

The solution to the unsound steel in the bridges is for motorists to drink enough liquid courage before driving on them to be unconcerned about structural integrity.

See, two wrongs do make a right, or at any rate, a Right.