Friday, July 29, 2016

Alvin and the problem with steel.

In a vastly troubled world where every man and his dog is eating every other man and his dog and telling them it's for their own good and "whattsa matter you don't like hotdogs??", what pray tell of New Zild? Shining bacon of hope and whatsit. Personally I mistrust shining bacon but it's an ill wind that blows on all rising boats equally.
Well we have a housing crisis that has been avoided only by the brave actions of our spectator government paying 12 families about $5000 each to leave Auckland. We do not know the identities of the 12 Families of the Houspocalypse but no doubt we shall as soon the expert kerners and amateur defectives of talkback radio get on the case. Thus we shall have it proven that ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
If the government can have a large enough lever inserted underneath its arse maybe they will get off the couch and start building houses for people. Call me a naive and sentimental fool but I thought that if there was not enough houses for the number of people in a country, the country could build more. But then I am not a "government that listens to people and gets things done"
One of the things the guvnors could use to build building would be Chinese steel. Why Chinese steel you might well ask, all the while knowing that the answer will be "because it's cheaper". Which is, indeed, the very answer.
Of course such steel would have to be tested to make sure that it does the supporting work inherent in the name supporting structures, and that testing would be more rigorous than a bloke signing a form to get the bloody steel out of the yard before Mr Poopy Dragon's Breath comes and shouts at me. But sadly this appears not to be the case. So New Zilders can rest assured that if they want non-falling down houses, bridges and other large structures, bricks look good and you don't have to paint them.
This prompted alarm in the higher levels of our Guvvermint which was, as usual, caught on the hop and this time it was one of the least glowing lightbulbs in the chandelier of Democracy that is the New Zild government, Mr Todd McClay
Mr McClay (From his own webpage)

Mr. McClay was told that the Chinese were preparing to slap tariff restrictions on Kiwifruit exports from these sceptred isles if there were investigations into the Amazing Elastic Steel incident. This was a serious "How's Your Father?" from Beijing and would be very much unappreciated by Mr. McClay's constituency who actually have never liked the Chinese since their Great-Great-Grandfather shot a Chinese goldminer and stole his claim. But McClay said nuthin' to no one and kept right on doing Chipmunk impersonations.
So then someone else heard about the Chinese threat and asked the Todd about it to which he gave the standard answer for this governemnt "I don't remember" and then "Nah, no one told me."
This came as a shock to the officials who had told Mr McClay and who did vouchsafe "We did so!!" and pointed out the relevant briefing notes.
"Oh" said Mr Macca, "THOSE briefing notes! I thought you meant....have you ever seen a Chipmunk eating airline food?" Then the actual Chinese government got in on the act and said "We didn't actually make the threat, WTF is wrong with you people?" and went home to drink whiskey and listen to Jazz music.
Fevered clumping around in search of an answer or Machiavellian politician? We report you decide. (No, that's an actual Chipmunk)
All of which is yet more reason for unalloyed happiness to continue to reign in The Happiest Kingdom of Them All and the latest poll results, showing the gubblement more popularer then ever were produced right on cue.
And only two scant weeks until the Olympics when the NZ rowing team will trounce all the weakling teams who can't take a bit of sewage in their drinking water like brave kiwis can. It's gonna be kiwiproud all month, mate. Unless other teams turn up, whereupon we will be all Creditable Effort Folks.
Backdate: NZ government says "Who us, investigate? Ha ha, no way Jose" 

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