Sunday, April 9, 2017

Six characters in search of an author

Last time we checked the Intergrids for drama, we tuned in to the Alt-Med Panacea channel and found a soap opera in progress: The Martyrdom of St. Lesley of the Sacred Skin-cream. Minions of the Banking-Pharma-Cosmopolitan Elite had arrested Lesley Hutchings in connection with the 'MAFactive' products she purveyed (and billed as containing an immunmodulatory protein that cured all ills), and she a-feared for her life. Eliciting a collective conniption fit from her distributors and customers.

"Can we lay off the GcMAF angle for a while?" we asked the secretive and powerful Riddled paymasters on our last summoning to their underground sanctum. They were wearing scramble-suits to mask their identities, as is the custom, also concealing their precise number and species. "The readers are bored with it."

THE READERS HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF A BREAK, they intoned, singly or in unison, their voice or voices distorted through a glottle Lafferty 1976]. LESLEY'S ACTIVITIES STILL THREATEN OUR INTERESTS AND AGENDA. YOU MUST RIDICULE AND DISCREDIT HER SOME MORE. So there is no rest for the wicked.
More martyrdom
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Ace reporter Smut on the job
Recall that the news of the cessation of the MAFactive supply sent Lesley's distributors into various stages of Alt-Kübler-Ross grieving. There was the 'crisis-is-opportunity' stage, of course, and the 'appeal-to-charity' -- "Lesley is bereft of assets and savings and needs your donations!"* But mostly the 'denial' stage, as in "What is this GcMAF and MAFactive whereof you speak? These word are harsh and foreign to our tongue." And there was a great closure and erasure of websites... so the Canadian franchise '' currently observes radio silence, while the Australian webstore '' -- previously another clone of the mothership '' -- switched at some recent date to a new-found focus on shoes.

Owner of that last domain is an Australian on-seller, "Certified Holistic Cancer Educator" Anni Diamond, who went straight to the 'talking-up-scarcity-of-remaining-stock' stage:
We have just found out that the MAFActive manufacturer has been shut down again!
We don’t know if we can ever get stock again!
I have a limited amount of stock on hand, so if anyone needs it, please order asap before stocks run out!
Order via
If you're after stock, the time is now to buy!
While in Seattle, Intuitive Healer Krizten Breidenich** adopted a variant of the 'Bargaining' stage, i.e. "Harass the French investigating magistrate with entreaties and intercessory testimonials".
Now it may be that there is more than one Jean-Luc Gadaud in the French judiciary. If there is only one, then his career is divided between the graft squad, military justice, and provincial prosecutions for unlawful domestication of wildlife, working up to a Vice-Presidency in the Tribunal de grande instance de Paris. He comes across as something of a badass, equally unmoved by the orchestrated media campaigns and the death-threats from the wildlife domesticators. In fact I suspect him of being a literary invention, rejected from the first draft of a Carl Hiassen novel on account of cartoonish implausibility, and escaped into consensus reality. Who should play him in the movie adaptation?

The same quality of "Carl Hiassen character' lingers around the other members of the dramatis personae. Although only one of the old MAFactive distributors currently abides in Florida. Florida Woman being Nicole Sullivan (ND, MH, CNC, CNHP, LFS, CLT), Health & Lifestyle Coach, whose day-job -- when she is not adorning her name with additional medscam qualification-cargo-cult acronyms -- is as realtor, because 'fantasor' is not an occupation.

The now-deprecated MAFactive merchandise was once the flagship product at Nicole's webstore but that is all down the memory hole, upstaged by a new product range -- GlycoPlus glycoprotein-enriched skin-creams (in four different colour-coded formulations). The domains '' and '' are registered in her name with future webstores in mind... '' itself was not available, some other theremin-themed medical mystic having claimed it already.
So Nicole's other activities need not concern us here... the Electro-Lymphatic Therapy, the Salt-&-Seaweed Apothecary, the Lifetrient diet supplements for accelerated language acquisition in children, ordained Minister-Practitioner in the Lightwing Nonsectarian Church, also available for weddings, children's parties and soap-making tutorials. Do not What all The Fucks yet, you want to save some for later.

What is of interest is this new flagship product. Quick, Robin, to the Batgoogle!

Focussed attention reveals that the roll-out of the new product range extends across Lesley's whole network. The source of "GlycoPlus" is unknown... shirley there is no involvement of Lesley herself, for she has no assets to pay for the re-packaging, and she would know better than to provoke M. Jean-Luc Gadaud. Can one roll out a flagship? Shirley this is a rhetorical question.

We have already met Candice Lee-Bradstreet, linked through marriage to the late autism-exploitation specialist Jeff Bradstreet. Her "Reactivated Wellness" webshop was one of the first to wipe away all evidence of the old product range and take receipt of the new one. She is still soliciting donations to pay the private investigators who are researching the Awful Truth behind Jeff B's apparent disgrace and suicide (nearly two years ago), so we remain in suspense as to the immanent revelations that are promised at roughly four-month intervals. The absence of any evidence for a murder is dispositive proof that a cover-up took place.

Continuing this world tour to Australasia, we find that the repackaged product has been re-repackaged for local consumption as "GcMAFplus", due to the pre-existence of some nother brand of placebo whose copyright on "glycoplus" might be more enforceable there. The title may be a misnomer for in line with Lesley Hutchings' habit, the descriptive prose for individual packages are carefully couched in terms of "Vitamin-D Binding Protein" rather than the less-obtainable GcMAF per se.

The webshop "" targets its Pacific clientele from a nominal office in Hong Kong,¹ but its design was commissioned from a web-designer in Brisbane.² Ryan trialled the design on his '' website, which currently houses a prototype design for some other client, though traces of the GcMAFplus version lingered in cache for a while where they were captured by helpful brownies. So Ryan might be a person to contact with queries as to the source of the commission (I mention this only for the sake of any French investigating magistrates who might read Riddled, and any other inquiring minds that might be more inclined to break a sweat). As is the custom with Lesley's previous commercial endeavours, the webshop is dominated by testimonials from satisfied though capital-letter-surnamed users, written in the style of Penthouse Letters to the Editor:
We have been using GcMAFplus for about 2 years now. My mother is 80 years old and every year she would be in hospital with the flu, bronchitis and once with pneumonia. Since we purchased our GcMAFplus, we have been using it every day on her. She has not been hospitalised for any flu, cold bronchitis, which was a yearly issue. She has built up her immune system and is doing very well.
- Helen S.
I have been using GcMAFplus now for 3 years. I suffered from fatigue and muscle pain all over my body. After using it for 3 months, a friend commented on how well I looked, I had not even noticed. Then my sister asked me if I was still having a nap in the afternoon and I said NO, I had just noticed that I was getting better and did not notice that it was normal now not to sleep in the afternoon. - Corina C.
Which sounds totally legit for a product that was only vapourware until two weeks ago.

So we return to Anni Diamond up there in banana-bender country: Cancer Diva, Wellness Diva, Transformational Success Coach, Cancer Guide, motivational speaker, disease lap-dancer and organiser of the 2016 Scamfest Grifter Jamboree "Cancer Summit". She could almost have modelled her persona of brash egotism on Amanda Jewell. Her '' is the most recent webshop to stock the new dispensation, and also sells such therapeutic tchotchkes as ionising underpants and parasite zappers which somehow have no effect on the people who sell them. Also too (Dave Barry Disclaimer required here) bio-epigenetic hair-analysis-atta-distance bio-profiling; and the Bioptron curative light-show. We can skip her role in the beauty-salon / health-spa sector prior to her career shift, for I have finally Whatted all the Fucks.

Darren Fleming was not to be outdone, and the focus of his shop-front in its current recension is his own knock-off "colostrum cream", coming real soon now ("Pre-sale will be available shortly to reserve your supply")! Darren was the original Australian member of Lesley's distro list, but he is not yet trusted to supply the new product. Readers may recall his "Baron of Merlona" fantasy life. In a rational economy he would be hawking genuine authentic Gucchy and Givencci and Prado merchandise from a trestle table in a subway station, but his style of grandiose self-deception finds a home in the Alt-Med ecology where one can not only build castles in the air, but also charge customers rent for the right to live there.

The other knock-offs that populate earlier, archived versions of Darren's GcMaf4all and GcMAFproducts stores include:
  • The own-brand no-frills magic yoghurt bacterial culture, the product of years of research and perhaps the only culture to be found in North Melbourne, targetting the niche created by Ruggiero's better-known Bravo magic yoghurt. Jam-jar not included.
  • IMMUNO-MAF saline nasal drops (with an accompanying FB page, all "indications", imitating the clinical prose of the British Pharmacopoeia).
  • Own-brand IMMUNO-VDTP spray.
  • Ampoules labelled as 'GcMAF', but more likely to contain a mixture of rainwater and jizz.
The lad never saw a scam he didn't want to steal! All gone (and nothing of value was lost), perhaps his supply of rainwater ran out.

Please to enjoy Darren's intentions of becoming a leading researcher of medicinal fungi and launching his own fungal cancer cure by 2016, all written in the royal (or baronial) plural and plagiarised from mockademia. He is a class act, but it is hard to say that his various packages of aspirational vapour are any worse than the grifts he piggybacks on.

The other MAFactive distributor to re-stock with the replacement is, from somewhere up in Maine. It may reward further attention but I can't be arsed with any more stalking forensics.

Another Kiwi waved his arms around in the international distress signal for "People are dying of thirst here, more beer needed at the naughty table". "It is a surprise," he vouchsafed, "that none of these mooks is selling a hangover-dispelling GcMAF-infused candle, to be lit when one awakes on a dark winter morning so as to pervade the air with healing proteins."

"Truely there is no wick for the rested," I agreed.
* The retailers of MAFactive are happy to inform their customers of Ms Hutchings' need for moneys --

so it would be churlish to expect them to donate any income of their own.

** Krizten relates an Origin Story involving Reiki (of course!), and such a broad portfolio of spiritual disciplines that it cannot be long before a choir of angels and petal-strewing cherubim elevates her to Heaven in corporeal form:
Areas I’m trained in include Silva Method, Shamanish, Peruvian Shamanish, Matrix Energetix, Hypnotherapy, Past Life Regression, Remote Viewing, Mediumship (including platform work), animal communication, Muscle Testing, Nutritional therapy, Tissue Mineral Analysis (hair analysis for humans & animals), Morphogenic Field Technique (modified muscle testing for nutritional imbalances) & Essential Oils.
At '' and as the Facebukkake group 'GcmafandmafactiveUSA' she is still promoting the old MAFactive merch, so not part of the inner circle.

1. The address was originally "Suite 3, level 5 Neich Tower, Gloucester Rd, Wan Chai, NA, HK", but was shortened in the version that went on air to a mere "Neich Tower", as if to hinder the task of checking whether any such office actually exists.

H/t to the moderators of a snake-oil bulletin board frequented by ME/CFS/Credulity sufferers, who were first to be apprised of the re-branding of MAFactive, a few weeks before the roll-out began:

The GcMAFplus site was already under construction on February 22nd (the date of the earliest cached page). This hints at prior expectations and preparations to replace MAFactive since the fascist jackbooted bully-boys of the GcMAF-Suppression Squad were only kicking down doors on Feb 20th (France) and 21st (Guernsey).

2. Why would you offer a competition for a logo and then use none of the 326 entries? It is a mystery.


Anonymous said...

A a fantastic bit of research Smut. I take my hat off to you.
Do you think it should be sent to the Gurney and French authorities?

Anonymous said...

I'm going to find out who you are, and make sure you are sued for violations of privacy, as well as interference in the right to a fair hearing.

If you are funded officially, that needs to be addressed as well.

Smut Clyde said...

Good luck with both, Anonymous.