Monday, November 30, 2009

Feral Babies

When bands of wild babies go bad, you have to act right away. You can't afford to be sentimental.
"Oh," people say, "it's OK if they attack the occasional flying horse. There are plenty of those; we can spare one or two."

But then they lose their natural fear of man. They have been known to bring down isolated travellers if there are enough of them. By then they are wily and much harder to catch.

This is one of the hazards of visiting back-country New Zealand that the tourist guides don't tell you about.


UPDATE: Bonus Hypnerotomachia.
message to entertain viewer while picture loads

Click image to use up your broadband allowance for the month.

Apparently elephants have evolved considerably since 1499. Back then they were smaller, had cloven two-toed feet, and wore fishnet stockings. They may have enjoyed the B&D aspect of the procession if the aroused state of the left-most elephant is any guide, but we do not judge.

UPDATE #2: Bonus feral babies.
The one at the left has just noticed the painter in his place of concealment. Only the painting was recovered from the scene.

43 comments:

M. Bouffant said...

The heffalumps on the rt. page seem to be some sort of decorative hippie smoking aid.

Jennifer said...

Ok... this is veering dangerously close to pony blogging.

Also, I think the fishnets are fabulous! The elephants should really reconsider them.

I don't even want to know what that goose is doing...

fish said...

What's goose for the goose is worth a gander.

mikey said...

"Hello?"

"It's Cindy. Guess What?!"

"What's up, girlfriend?"

"I um... I met someone. Someone special"

"REALLY? Cool! What's his name?"

"Well, see, I'm not sure."

"You don't know his name?"

"Actually, I kinda - I don't think he has one. He's a goose."

"A what now?"

"A goose. I was riding on the elephant cart in the elephant cart thing yesterday and he flew up and we just started making out."

"You made out with a goose?"

"Yeah. It gets a little dicey with the tongue and all, but he was kind and gentle and the feathers..."

"Girl, you better check yourself."

"I KNEW you wouldn't understand, bigot."

"Tramp."

Another Kiwi said...

Look at that guy on the far right holding a fancy pole. Now there's someone whose seen a few Elephant and Goose Erotic traveling shows.

Substance McGravitas said...

A Blogger trick: the URLs of the images you upload will have something like this in them: src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d2k_Q_KoEu0/SxKemu71LmI/AAAAAAAAAUw/ibGPIs5z500/s320/Avengers129_12a+copy.jpg"

If you change s320 to s640 you'll have a higher resolution image in your main post and we'll all be able to better appreciate elephant penises.

DOODUR.

Smut Clyde said...

It is that famous message that occurs in every alien invasion: "Take me to your Leda".
I will muck around with the HTML and see what happens. If I get carried away and change the font to COmic Sans, then feel free to stage an intervention.

Another Kiwi said...

Oi don't like this messin' with nature, oi don't.

Smut Clyde said...

the URLs of the images you upload will have something like this in them:

OK, the source code contains two URL for each image -- the second one downloads the smaller reduced-resolution version that appears on the page (s400 in this case), while the first URL links to the original-resolution copy that downloads if you click on the page (s1600 in this case). So I've changed the 2nd URL to 's800'. HAPPY NOW, H8RZ?

merc said...

Sublime post. Nature nurtures nature. Where I live that circus parades past every freakin' day, neliphants, geese kissin' tramps and thieves...the question is, are they comin' for you or runnin' from you?

chmouna, love song title for the one who kissed me by the Moon.

Substance McGravitas said...

HAPPY NOW, H8RZ?

I see you have not includes the LUBE tags.

tigris said...

Is that elephant penis or the legs of the other elephant? I'm asking for a friend.

Captcha is "musing," which seems apt.

mikey said...

I notice on the left side of the right-hand image there is an infinity of the finest kind.

It is a man, holding a lance. At the top of the lance is a man, holding a lance. Now, of course, we cannot actually see the top of this smaller, second order lance, but it must be assumed that at the top, just out of sight, is a man, holding a lance.

I take great comfort from such a thing.

Smut Clyde said...

It is a man, holding a lance. At the top of the lance is a man, holding a lance.

Monday Lance Blogging is more a Substance tradition.

Is that elephant penis or the legs of the other elephant?
The latter, but I have a grubby mind.
There's a copy of the Hypnerotomachia in some library -- I don't recall where, off-hand -- where some previous owner has angrily crossed out the offending foot, being outraged by an accidental dong but completely unfazed by the swan-on-woman action that's happening out on the chariot. Evidently I'm not the only one with a grubby mind.

Another Kiwi said...

The winged horse being attacked by angry National party voters is also a male. Also

mikey said...

Monday Lance Blogging is more a Substance tradition.

It is precisely this kind of political correctness that continues to allow BLOGGERS to infiltrate and ultimately murder our beloved NEWSPAPERS.

Substance McGravitas said...

Monday Lance Blogging is more a Substance tradition.

Beats lancing boils.

tigris said...

Beets lances boils is the old rock paper scissors.

Smut Clyde said...

"Turnips" in the English version.

tigris said...

Tractor turnips buttocks is the new rock paper scissors.

Jennifer said...

For a moment, before counting, I thought the statue was one of Octomom, the babies just spilling out...

And who's the dude in the middle of the backround?? Is that a tail?? An elephant trunk? The father??

fish said...

It is a man, holding a lance. At the top of the lance is a man, holding a lance.

Circle Jerks are redirected elsewhere.


I am stricken by bouts of modiness.

Smut Clyde said...

I thought the statue was one of Octomom

In that connection, never underestimate the creepiness of Belgian symbolist painters.

Another Kiwi said...

Tractor Turnip-Buttocks was, briefly, the Englich Foreign Minister in 1929. He declared war on Estonia, sent a flaming dog poo parcel to Hoover and resigned.

merc said...

Les symbolistes Belgique...just triggered an incident in me. I am unavailable for comment except to say that those geese are not fish.

tolutt, to excessively tutt.

fish said...

I am unavailable for comment except to say that those geese are not fish.

This is true. I have never seen those dead children before. Last time I was with them, they were alive.

Smut Clyde said...

The swans are naturally concerned about the polluted state of the waterway, which is blocking their access to the plants.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Tractor Turnip-Buttocks

Was that the Pastels' followup to Truck Train Tractor?

In any case, it seems that feral babies eat pretty well.

Smut Clyde said...

And who's the dude in the middle of the backround?? Is that a tail?? An elephant trunk?

Dude is a late Roman triton.

Substance McGravitas said...

Have you seen Henry Darger's stuff up close?

ckc (not kc) said...

...the Englich, the Englich, the Englich are besht.

Smut Clyde said...

Standing on pedestals out in the sun
The melting continues, it's barely begun
Nobody knows what will happen one day
The ice round the Vivian Girls melts away

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

First the feral babies came for the winged horses, and I did not speak out—because I was not a winged horse.

Then the feral babies came for the reclining nudes, and I did not speak out—because I was not a reclining nude.

Another Kiwi said...

Then the eldrich Englich came for something or other.. I don't recall. Maybe a drinky of gin?

Jennifer said...

And who's the dude in the middle of the backround?? Is that a tail?? An elephant trunk?

Dude is a late Roman triton.


Well, I did know that and was just being a smidge facetiousness. :)

Smut Clyde said...

It was a teachable moment for the WHOLE CLASS.

Another Kiwi said...

As usual I was staring out the window thinking that some of the clouds look like ducks and such

mikey said...

Well, goddam it, I happen to be a reclining nude and could use a little help here.

That is if you're not too busy or anything....

gocart mozart said...

I am thinking about getting my own feral baby. Does anyone know if the proper way to hold one is by the hair like the lady in the statue or is it to toss it over your right shoulder holding on to it's left foot as I have always assumed? This new way seems much more efficient. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks in advance.

Smut Clyde said...

Would have thought you'd had enough of feral babes by now, mikey.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Eldrich Englich, he came in,
Looking for a shot of gin.

Apparently elephants have evolved considerably since 1499. Back then they were smaller, had cloven two-toed feet, and wore fishnet stockings.

Well, "island effect" can explain the small size, but the cloven feet suggest a dalliance with a camel, and the fishnets suggest the reason an elephant would choose to "consort" with said camel. It has been conjectured that finds of Mediterranean dwarf elephant skulls were the inspiration for the (non-mechanical) cyclops myth.

tigris said...

It looks like they're carried by attaching them to your breasts, by 2:1 over hair-holding. Do gocarts have breasts?

Jennifer said...

It was a teachable moment for the WHOLE CLASS.

:)