Thursday, December 17, 2009

Great Moments in Architectural Projectiles

The tradition of bombarding Italian politicians with ecclesiastical scale models goes back a long way.
(1) Police reconstruction: Moments before assault upon Doge of Venice (at left, on balcony, admonishing his bodyguards for their unconvincing attempt to disguise themselves as monks) by assailant (waiting on street level, wearing mitre) using a scale model of Second Temple, in 1488. Individual with early form of tinfoil helmet above head, engaging assailant in conversation, was originally believed to be an accomplice but since been identified as a well-known Venetian conspiracy theorist. He is calling the assailant's attention to the UFO hovering in the medium distance. It is firing a laser beam of some form through a conveniently-located hole in the building on the right, striking a young woman in its interior and triggering her genetic programming to a higher level of consciousness.

Police have not yet determined the role of the small child on the balcony with the Doge and his bodyguards, and he or she remains a person of interest.

2. Solid silver model of the Cathedral of Santiago de Compestela, in Galicia. Constructed by public subscription, for the purpose of hurling at the papal legate by a adult male chosen by lot from the population of the town. This first occurred in 1602, then again in 1607, and then became a tradition that was repeated every five years until the 1942 celebration was suppressed by Franco. There is talk of reviving the tradition now in the hope of attracting tourists. Notice the solid quartz crystal plate within the model where the rose window would normally be. The one large and one small auxiliary tubes on each side of the model are solid-fuel boosters that fall off during flight and can be recovered for re-use.

(3): From an unpublished Dan Brown bustblocker:

"Knowing that his target was the guest of honour at the yearly Numismatical Society Fancy Dress Pageant, the assassin-monk disguised himself as a bad penny. He smuggled his weapon past the security guards by concealing it within a bible..."


UPDATE: Bonus Ugly Children.
(Left): Close-up of small child lurking on the balcony near the Doge shortly before the assault. It appears to be wearing a chain-mail jerkin and a kilt made of monarch-butterfly wings.

(Right): A drawing from 1984, remarkable because it shows the same child. Time travel again? A different species in our midst?

The truth is out there.

17 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I see you've avoided mentioning the peacock's role in the plot.

Typical!
~

Jennifer said...

I believe the architectural model was stolen from ZRM in the future.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I threw it at a client's head.

Jennifer said...

:-0

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

SOME clients are great, Jennifer.

mikey said...

The critical question that MUST be answered in order to get to the bottom of the conspiracy is this:

What does Doge's bodyguard have in the box, and what does he plan to do with the potted plant?

Smut Clyde said...

I'm kinda hoping that the attack on Berlusconi will lead to a new golden age of maquette missile. In my favourite alternative reality, Indian politicians are dodging small models of the Taj Mahal [whatever the opposite in Sanskrit is for "Mahal"], Sarkozy is pelted with souvenirs of Notre Dame wherever he goes, and New Zealand politicians are bombarded with crude constructions of wattle and daub.

ckc (not kc) said...

Stephen Harper:CN Tower

ckc (not kc) said...

Bonus Ugly Children

...not unlike - "Free Handy Carrying Case"

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

In architectural school, there used to be an annual masquerade ball, where attendees would dress themselves as various architectural buildings or elements.

Considering the youth of the crowd, and the alcohol involved, I will merely say that post-event activities likely involved the mutual hurling of architectural models at each other, repeatedly, until satisfied. Or passed out.

Or so I am told.

Smut Clyde said...

Riotous scenes when the person in the Functionalist costume is mistaken for the stripper...

Fancy-dress theme now stolen for the main post.

Jennifer said...

Riotous scenes when the person in the Functionalist costume is mistaken for the stripper...

LOL!

Jennifer said...

Ok... my first instinct was to laugh... and now I'm feeling as though I've let my sisters down...

Another Kiwi said...

An itinerant router salesman working for Zap Power tools took the quick engraving that is shown in the post. The Zap Router picture has been widely discussed and analysed but no clear conclusions have been made. The Child's oral evidence "Redrum" appears to be of little help.

M. Bouffant said...

Daub my wattle, libs!

Smut Clyde said...

Further research has revealed that the garment worn by left-hand Ugly Child is a Short Shrift.
No-one ever receives a Long Shrift. It is a mystery.

mikey said...

It happens, you just never hear about it.

Long Shrift is a Dog-Bites-Man story, or as I like to say, a Kept-my-Trousers-on-on-the-Bus story...