Friday, December 25, 2009

Unclear on the Concept

Wikipedia documents the 40-year-old tradition of building a straw goat in the Swedish city Gävle, and the equally-long tradition of burning it. Unaccountably, there are no photographs of Britt Eklund dancing in the nude.
According to the summarised and tabulated details (with eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one), the overall goat survival rate since the first was constructed and burnt in 1966 is currently running at 43%.

1968 The goat survived. Until this year there was no fence around the goat and it was popular for children to play hide-and-seek inside and around the goat. Also, it is said that one night a couple made love inside the goat.
2001 [...] The court also confiscated Jones's cigarette lighter with the argument that he clearly was not able to handle it. Jones stated in court that he is no "goat burner", and believed that he was taking part in a completely legal goat-burning tradition.
2005 Burnt by unknown vandals reportedly dressed as Santa and a gingerbread man by shooting a flaming arrow or molotov cocktail at the goat at 21:00 on 3 December.


This year the scathed goat's blog entry for the day before its fiery end records that Mrs Tiger Woods "is problably on her way to Gävle to celebrate Christmas with her mom at the castle". I think we have a suspect.

Edward Woodward couldn't make it.

UPDATE: Bonus Alchemical Goatsucking

Riddled
do not necessarily endorse any child-rearing practices depicted on this blog. Riddled are not responsible for any childhood traumas or subsequent psychiatric bills. In the event of feral infants, do not attempt to rescue the goat, wolf or globe lady; inform your local law-enforcement agency.

UPDATE²: These are very happy-looking goats.

However, we do not judge.

14 comments:

mikey said...

"Straw Goat" a clever conflation of "straw man" and "scapegoat", a Straw Goat is an artifical argument that is simultaneously responsibe for a major tragedy. See FEMA...

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

shooting a flaming arrow or molotov cocktail

I, myself, often get those confused.

J— said...

that he is no "goat burner"

My new insult to be tested at the dinner table.

Smut Clyde said...

"Wicker?"
"Hey, I've only just met her."

Another Kiwi said...

I served as a Goat Burner, Sir and you are no Goat Burner!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Alright, five comments in, and no Mickey Kaus jokes?

Smut Clyde said...

It is an entire capricornucopia of opportunities for Kaus-related humour.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Mickey Kaus, a goat, and the Pope walk into a bar...
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I am distracted by the Arlo Guthrie reference.

Another Kiwi said...

Exactly ZRM, enquiring minds are waiting for the tie-in to Alice's Restaurant.

Smut Clyde said...

Perhaps they serve goat curry.

Another Kiwi said...

Apparently you can get anything that you want there. I think that the wicker goat might still be a little "woody", shall we say, even if it was curried.

Another Kiwi said...

Of course, more serious matters remain as the globed lady and her she-goat and wolf roam the countryside looking for an entertainment industry agent to take them under their wing. Might one suggest a name change "Suckling Suckertache" has too many bad connotations.
Tom Friedman to be precise.

M. Bouffant said...

Obligatory.