Saturday, May 15, 2010


The first recorded appearance of Hypnostag was to a tramper in the Kaweka Ranges. As you can see in the artist's impression, the tramper is setting up camp for the night, and has already laid the foundations for the columns and the flying buttresses. Behind him, the horse is dragging the rest of the blocks up the path. Some people like to go tramping without assembling a prefabricated Gothic chapel every night but if you ask me there is NO POINT ROUGHING IT.
Mesmerised by Hypnostag's uncanny powers, the tramper found himself under a geas never again to pay for his drinks and to rely on the generosity of others. Least as, that's Another Kiwi's story.

I thought it was bad enough when Shrek the Sheep became a media sensation with his own radio show and regular appearances on TV. Now it's ridiculous.
Yes, we do have TV in New Zealand! We use the screen's electrostatic charge to stick the cut-out fuzzy-felt characters to it and then the people in the household take turns moving them about according to the instructions in that week's Listener.


mikey said...

I love to go a-wandering,
Along the mountain track,
And as I go, I love to sing,
My knapsack on my back.

Val-de-ri--Val-de ha ha ha ha ha ha
My knapsack on my back.

Val de ri, mother FUCKER!!

merc said...

I was a child cut-out fuzzy-felt character.

sestiess, cravats for sleepy sessions.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Well, we've got the folks in R&D trying to splice recovered Haast's Eagle genes into the hypnostag's DNA, to form a squadron of hypno- perytons.

Tremble, world, TREMBLE!

M. Bouffant said...

Dear S.C.:

Could you have your product placement person get in touch w/ us?

Our operation isn't quite as subtle when it comes to pimping, say, Jägermeister, & we may even do it for product (depending on the product).

Sincerely, etc.,
Marketing Editor, Just Another etc.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...


P.S. I see there is a flatulence tax.

We could use one of those here, for the likes of Rush Limbaugh and FAUX Nooze.

mikey said...

I think ol' Hippie the HypnoStag is wondering the same thing I am. Precisely WHAT the hell is the tramper doing way up there? I mean, he brought the horses, he brought the dogs, he brought the slot car setup, he's got coolers of sodapop and, why, it even looks like he's got his Kindle propped up there in that foreground tree.

Of course, where I see him up there like that and get suspicious and start thinking about taking him into custody, renditioning him to a secret prison in Bhutan and denying him access to the red cross, due process AND his Wii, ol' Hippie merely interrogates him by reading his mind - it's an OLD Stag Party trick.

Will he tell us what the tramper's got himself up to? Stay tuned...

Another Kiwi said...

True, there was a blinding flash and a voice from above spaketh to me saying,"Payeth not for your drinks, AK, for you should not be sullied with transactions of a financial kind."
"Righto" I sayethed "tho' there will be those who protesteth"
"Some people got no manners" sayeth the voice.

Smut Clyde said...

I was going to write an awesomely cogent comment but it's time for the Hypnostag Half-Hour on Channel 2.

Smut Clyde said...

trying to splice recovered Haast's Eagle genes into the hypnostag's DNA, to form a squadron of hypno- perytons.

That article in the Wikiwhackiweedia about Perytons is brilliant -- what with calling them "legendary creatures" in the first sentence, and reporting at length what "legend has it" about them, then admitting a few paragraphs later that there are no legends because Borges invented the whole tradition.

I love it when literary parodies escape from the lab.

Bonus trivia... Borges tells us that the now-lost Rabbinical manuscript (the one which preserved fragments of the Sibyllic prophecies, otherwise destroyed in the apocryphal Alexandrian library-burning), which he has never seen and he's not sure who was the author, belonged to the University of Dresden. That's only the English translation, though. In El Libro de los Seres Imaginarios he originally ascribed it to the University of Munich (later deciding that Dresden sounded more plausible).

merc said...

Everything is a myth, including merc.

zalipre, that's classified.

J— said...

Steig's Shrek cooks meat with fire from his eyes. Not hypo still pretty cool.

ckc (not kc) said...


not tinny, but woody!

Substance McGravitas said...

Dresden sounded more plausible

And lo, the Weekly World News did prefer things to happen in Soviet Bloc countries, as nobody would check.

Smut Clyde said... has nothing to say on the success of the Peryton story.

77south said...

What sort of uncouth savage goes camping and doesn't bring a slot car track? Sir Edmund Hillary himself was fond of a few brisk laps against Tenzing Norgay every morning after breakfast.

merc said...

Actually that is entirely true and Tenzing Norgay would always beat Sir Ed, something that both found uncomfortable in the tent afterward.

distlisl, a put down list.