Thursday, June 24, 2010

Can't make it sink

Gazouillé cursed the series of poor career choices that had led to his current employment, as a research subject in Darren Naish's experiments on tetrapod flotation dynamics.

His passenger doesn't look that happy either, but at least he isn't being indecently assaulted by butt-snakes.
Naish's website is also the go-to place for descriptions and photographs of camels killed in auto-erotic asphyxiation accidents.
a giraffe called Chakula was - allegedly - hanged accidentally after getting caught in rope at Basel Zoo earlier this year. Another giraffe (Dusti) at Brookfield Zoo in Chicago was also apparently hanged accidentally by rope in 2007, though I heard that this story might have been fabricated.
You could take my word for it.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

And while it's possible to find reports and even images of giraffes wading [photos above and below © Jeff Arnold] (Jonathan Kingdon notes that giraffes "will wade quite deep rivers" (Kingdon 1989, p. 325)), reports that describe them swimming don't exist, so far as I can tell.

The high mean density of the giraffe and the peculiar and difficult horizontal-necked posture the model adopts in water suggest that giraffes would not perform well in water.

I feel both more enlightened and denser at the same time.

mikey said...

It's a little like walking into the florist just down the street from the bowling ally and asking for a bouquet of babies breath whilst sipping a latte from the fine folks up the street at the car wash, and being told "very good sir, it will just be a minute", and while you're waiting the teevee is tuned to the batshit network, the one you hardly ever watch because the endless advertisments for various packages of guano are of little interest as you only grow cilantro any more, but you can't help but notice that they tend to blame most everything that happens on things that are entirely unrelated, and when the the Giraffe dies and they blame it on the Giraffe's unhealthy fixation on masturbation, the masturbation asphyxiation fixation, if you will, you become completely outraged because you know well that Giraffes are good family mammals and besides, having a neck that long will lead to a lot of misunderstandings and you are just about THIS close to saying something when the young girl brings out the most fantastical arrangement of baby's breath, weeds, bacteria and leeches that you stand, speechless, and finally pay your floral tab and walk out the door, only to have your wondrous bouquet of random life forms eaten by a passing Giraffe without a thought, so you take out your tommy gun, the one you always have in your backpack along with your viking skulls and magnetic monopoles and you rake that fucker from stem to stern for breaking your heart and destroying the last, nay, the ONLY beautiful thing you ever held in your own foul hands.


It's like that...

Smut Clyde said...

only to have your wondrous bouquet of random life forms eaten by a passing Giraffe without a thought

I'm glad it doesn't just happen to me.

fish said...

I believe that camel is a furry since he is dressed up like a giraffe and all.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Darren's blog is also the go-to place for POOP! eating sloth stories, and harrowing tales of Anatidae rape.

Smut Clyde said...

He even combines the two themes by discussing the inefficiency of goose digestion and the nutritive value of goose poop.
Fortunately this is a refined high-minded blog so we will not mention the possibility of goose/reindeer centipedes.