Resumption of gardening column

As you know, our subsidiary company Devil Enterprises has been funded by the Gubblement to find work for disembodied unemployed hands, which otherwise might fall into delinquency and get involved in gang violence or hang around corners spelling out rude messages in sign language.

Behold our well-appointed training facilities

We should probably let them know about the setback in one of our programs. I refer of course to the Crown School, whose graduates will be hired by royal families who want something special for their next coronation ceremony. This involves teaching the hands to waft around the room until they find the most egregiously inbred collection of recessive genes and then to gently lower the crown they are carrying onto that person's head (or heads, in the case of Prince Hagen-Marcus of Sydslesvig).

But then someone left a window open after a pet-related incident (really these things wouldn't happen if we replaced the cat door with a decent-sized lion door), and the hands were out in the garden genetic engineering facility before you could say "Agrobacterium tumefaciens". It is a tribute to their perceptual acuity that they headed straight for a "King in Yellow" sunflower with their cargo. The two smaller flowers are a "Queen in Red" and a "Celestial Queen".

Note, however, the insufficiency of head, and the crown slipping down to produce an effect akin to Kate Moss with a hula-hoop [see Rule 34], i.e. coronation FAIL.

Never mind why the flower is trying to drive them away with a laser beam. Need-to-know, client confidentiality, etc.

Another Kiwi is drafting a report to tell the Gubblement about our success in training hands to defend NZ against the laser-wielding sunflower menace.