Is it any wonder that my joke's an iron

Mild-mannered philosopher Francis Mirandulanus is minding his own business, mentally rehearsing his saxophone fingering as he strolls through Einstein Bridge Park.

All the other fairies grew up and settled down with marriage and responsible careers. Tinkerbell, however, retains her juvenile sense of humour and spends far too much of her time playing practical jokes on Jesuits.

Psst. Don't turn around, keep walking, act naturally. They're watching.

Is it about a bicy-

Never mind who it is. They could be listening so don't say anything. Someone important likes your music, and has invited you for a private performance. Tonight at 8.30, at the back door of the Nunciature, bring your instrument.

Of course the prank goes pear-shaped when a group of extremist atheists mistake Mirandulanus for the professional hit-man they've hired. When they realise their error, he is forced to flee, and he and Tinkerbell must learn to work together in order to survive.

I am imagining Kylie Minogue for the role of Tinkerbell, with Ozzy Osbourne contributing to her vocals during the musical numbers. I'm hoping that no-one realises that the plot is basically a mash-up of Foul Play and The Devil's Elixir.