Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I want to feed a machine

"Predatory Domestic Entertainment Robots," Another Kiwi vouchsafed, excited by the interview on National Radio. "Powered by microbial fuel cells that digest organic matter -- flies, moths, mice-- obtained by the robots themselves." He has a professional interest in robo-pets.

"People have been working on those since 2004," I said, shaking the newspaper irritably.* "At this rate of progress we are in no immediate danger of a Robot Uprising which will reduce humanity to an oppressed remnant, farmed as a source of food for clocks and revolving lampshades."

"Will you invest in a mouse-consuming coffee table robot** for Maison d'Être, then?"

"I will not. It would not take the Frau Doktorin long to feel sorry for it and start feeding it slivers of gravy beef and my medicinal black pudding available only on prescription."

"Evangeline van Holsterin will not be having them in the Old Entomologist either," AK said. "She said something about needing the mice as a crucial ingredient for the Full-Bodied Procrastinator Doppelbock."
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If a Domestic Entertainment Robot were built as a dedicated Internizzle Browser with the fuel cell built beneath the keyboard, how much semen per day would it need for energy? Asking for a friend.

* The interests of full disclosure force me to admit that I was actually reading a computer screen, but the monkey butler stands nearby and rustles a newspaper when necessary.
** May contain revolving knives.

13 comments:

merc said...

I'll take one.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Well can it write blog posts?

I mean can it imagine what you would do with your blog, if you had all the time and evidence and such as. While you did something else, like fishing.
~

Substance McGravitas said...

What I really need is a robot to swallow the fly and the spider and the bird and the cat and so on. Grandma can stay because she can knit.

Another Kiwi said...

Oh yes, at first it's all, "I'll get the slippers and I have rearranged your Miss Busty annuals by year and month." And the it's "I'm afraid I can't let you do that Mr. Kiwi"
Mind you a tidy house is almost worth a fight to the death every 5 years when the wiring goes bung.

Smut Clyde said...

Grandma can stay because she can knit.

I imagine the jumping function can be mechanised.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

"Powered by microbial fuel cells that digest organic matter -- flies, moths, mice-- obtained by the robots themselves."

How about a POOP powered robot that cleans the litterbox?

medicinal black pudding

Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Smut Clyde said...

Well can it write blog posts?

Curses Moriarty the secret is out.

fish said...

Sure, but what happens when the flies run out eh? I am not putting my finger (or other parts) into that thing.

Whale Chowder said...

At this rate of progress we are in no immediate danger of a Robot Uprising which will reduce humanity to an oppressed remnant...

Oh sure, we're safe now, but what about our children? And our robot-children, assuming the undertray semen-eating robots are carried to their logical conclusion?

Huh? WHAT THEN, MR. COMPLACENT?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Is this where I order some of the Dopplebock?

Another Kiwi said...

Is this where we see the colour of your money? Mr Shambler.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Money? The monkey butler said my credit was good.

If necessary, mikey will give you this hadrosaur pelvis....

Kathleen said...

spider robot money is the currency of the future