Thursday, March 10, 2011

Scottish country dancing

Harder than it looks.

Oh sure, the initial heats are easy enough when you're just prancing around over a pair of crossed swords, but then you get into the free-form elimination rounds where there is no advance warning what obstacles the judges have placed on the Dreeing Knoll. Here I am simultaneously dodging a kamikaze pigeon from above and a dangerously sharp letter A from below, all the while improvising a stylish Heckmondwycke with Reverse Spin. Notice the Reeve preparing the ritual haggis at the left with the help of a wingèd goat. Sadly, picture doesn't show the Cameron of Erracht tartan on my kilt.

The previous contestant faltered during a Double Pronk wi' Ankle Lever. He is now being dealt to by the judges' linesmen (F) for there is no place in Scottish Country Dancing for knoll cowards.

UPDATE: Further research reveals that the bird flying away is not a kamikaze pigeon, but is in fact another contestant who has been magically transformed. C for Thighlander, as it were.

UPDATE²: In comments, Vacuumslayer accuses the Riddled staff of performing unnatural acts with watermelons. This is a foul calumny.

30 comments:

merc said...

They had me at Quod genus Haereticus?

blesturs, pretty freakin obvious no?

Another Kiwi said...

There's a Deefer Dragon having a go at your hat, too. Fiendish, them judges!
also the new Kombat Kage Kwestion:
Scottish Country Dancing vs. Morris Dancers!!!!

Another Kiwi said...

Knoll Cowards!!! You, Sir, are a MONSTA!!!

merc said...

yeah actewelle I can't let that freakish pun go...probably some higher order of pun that should be taken extra terrestrial or something.

zinglaw, goosing the MIL is against the order of nature.

Smut Clyde said...

Must credit B. Kliban.

merc said...

Shucks now you only half awesome.

ansmaffl, you do not want to know, really you don't.

vacuumslayer said...

*gasp* I've been doin it rong. Fer instance, I always forget to bring my pterodactyl and to throw letters of the alpahabet into the air. God, I'm so embarrassed.

tigris said...

What kind of genius is a heretic? Where does he poop? What a pretty vulture! Vapid Catholics eat antique fiddles for dessert.

tigris said...

Oh noes, bad translation of the first bits; should read "Hey, genius heretic, who farted?" I think the rest is alright. Captcha attributes the passage to Priny but doesn't specify whether it was the elder or the even elderer.

mikey said...

No, I can relate. Smut's facing a lot of the day to day frustrations I have faced over the years.

The fucking Hat Plucking Dinosaur, for one. Those nasty little fuckers have been around since the time of the Hadrosaur. And you don't need any Holland & Holland Double Rifle to fix their gob, nossir, just a stout hick'ry pool cue'll do just fine.

I'm more concerned with the pun - ishment being meted out on the nice young lad who's only offense is stealing a few rocks. Doods. Seriously. There's PLENTY of rocks. Put down the scythes and let's all have some lemonade.

On the other hand, I think it's pretty cool that the devil has put aside all that temptation and brimstone and is helping old man Wilkerson build that wall he's been on about endlessly since his darlin' Grace passed on. Lions and Lambs, or Packers, or something like it. Y'know?

Pity about old Bartholomew's arm, though. They never put any warning labels on those big metal ritual crosses, but you've got to be careful nonetheless. I'm sure that reverse 666 degree tail-grab would have won a ribbon, but when you start droppin' limbs like acorns in fall it's time to re-examine your whole raison d'skateboard, Gnome Sane?

Smut Clyde said...

I knew that 'fæx' was POOP (singular) but was not sure where the vulture came into it.

Teh Hat-stealing dinosaur turns up in a few Gorey cartoons.

Another Kiwi said...

Perhaps we can learn a lesson from Bartholomew's arm? People who try to smuggle trouser snakes into an area where there will be whirling kilts, will come to a sticky end, then their arms will fall off.

Smut Clyde said...

I forgot to note in the post that in the Scottish dialect, a linesman is a Vescent.

F for vescents, then.

merc said...

...will come to a bubbly end?

Substance McGravitas said...

Cast that arm into the pit.

tigris said...

F for vescents, then.

OUCH. Put a cork in it, pal.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

You are all filthy and depraved and I shan't be back.
~

fish said...

If you aren't filthy and depraved I shan't be back.

tigris said...

I've noticed a lot of pictures have letters in them. Are these actual objects or entoptic phenomena? Literal aura, or hatched orbs, perhaps?

77south said...

Mikey, a pool cue may work, but if you've got the Holland and Holland double nitro express, I imagine you are begging for excuses to take it out of the velvet shooting case and send some lead down range. Which is why the hat plucking dinosaurs are mighty thin on the ground hereabouts.

vacuumslayer said...

I come for the filth; I stay for the depravity.

tigris said...

Which is Smut and which is Kiwi?

vacuumslayer said...

I guess because Smut practices the love that dare not speak its name (watermelon-fucking),he's gotta be depravity. Unless you think watermelon-fucking is a wholesome activity. You know what it really is? A holesome activity.

vacuumslayer said...

Well, "staff" is one way to put it.

tigris said...

I think rather she accused you of using your staff in your all too natural acts with watermelons.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Hey, now, those watermelons are all consenting adult melons!

vacuumslayer said...

"Hey, now, those watermelons are all consenting adult melons!"

Wait, are we still talking about fruit?

Smut Clyde said...

Certain people, who are not me, seem to have an "oddly-boobed" fixation.

vacuumslayer said...

Next you'll accuse me if eating babies.

Don't believe it, folks. He lies as easily as he breaths.

mikey said...

Certain people, who are not me, seem to have an "oddly-boobed" fixation.

While others, sadly, have come, late in life to an oddly-boobed reality.