I am becalmed, lost to nothing

I went searching for Ancient-Mariner / Albatross* related links and found Neu-Becalm'd instead. The suppliers' website is so busy and electric that I was not entirely sure what it purports to treat OH LOOK A SQUIRREL but I did learn that Shelley Kauffmon from Fairfax, VA has "now used two bottles of Neu-Becalm'd and am continuing to be amazed by its results." Many customers report similar effects from the Riddled Juggernaut.

Where was I? Ah yes, the Ancient Mariner.
What is it about sea-birds and becalmed travellers? Last we heard from the Flóamanna Saga, Thorgils and his crew were adrift off the coast of Greenland without food or water because the ship's on-board water recycler was malfunctioning. Google Translate has just picked up a transmission but it is coming through garbled and stupid:

And the day was a great breath of them. Thorgils was a great healthy most of all. Does the now very thirsty. They were the five with the boy needs and Thorgils, Thorleif, coal and Starkad brothers. The water was nowhere near and they will be almost gone by the lack of drink.

Starkad said: "As I learned from examples that people have mixed up together, water and urine."

Take now ausskotuna and lie and said it made ​​a living, people would be available and asked Thorgils permission. But he said the excuse, said he did not prohibit or allow "but I will not drink," he says.

They did drink. Thorgils said he now will receive ausskotunni and said he would recommend a memory.

He said, "You the Argan and the bad thing is our journey shall not stay the advice that I should not drink at least be fair or else."

And in that moment a bird flew by and the form of a álkuungi skrækti to badly.

Thorgils said: "This is still a small reward for the worthy was, but you firrtuð my crime, but possibly torn can we be that shame and scandal, and from now on will improve on our plans. Let's row now that the ice and be happy and glad, and put us now closer to God and wanted us to forðuðumst this shame. "

Now they take the ice water and it was late in the day. So says Þorgils to see what would of caused was when they were at sea then the bird flew north of the ship was a large demon bearings.

Thorgils said: "Late this bird has to leave us now and take all annoyed with him. But what controls we should, it was because the way he wanted and causes God himself to whom we believe."

The take-home message here is not entirely clear but evidently you should chase away any sea-bird in case it is a large demon bearings. Also a mixture of urine and water is some kind of traditional Viking herbal remedy / dietary supplement. Possibly good for LOOK SOMETHING SHINY but teh heavy handed gubblement interference has forced Thorgils to include a disclaimer:

Therefore, these products are not meant to diagnose, treat, cure, mitigate or prevent any disease. These statements have not been evaluated by the United States Food and Drug Administration who does not state that nutritional supplements do not work, it simply makes it illegal for them to make "claims", and requires this warning for all nutritional supplements. For example, if you are selling vitamin "C", it is illegal for you to state that 'Vitamin "C" "cures" the "disease" of scurvy. It's your government too. If you disagree with this type of governmental control, consider taking all LEGAL steps to effect righteous change, for your family's future health.

* WORST SLASHFIC EVAH.