Friday, September 23, 2011

Olim pulcher extiteram, dum cignus ego fueram

Teh Paparazzi, grandchildren of
100-Eyed Argus, only 20 eyes each
From the Memoirs of Tiresias, Couples Counsellor to the Gods

As far as the public were concerned, Zeus and Leda were the happiest couple on Olympus. In private, however, away from the prying eyes of the paparazzi, it was all separate bedrooms and "mature adult arrangements" and the turning of blind eyes, at which I was an expert.

Things only went terminally tits-up when Leda witnessed the full extent of Zeus' inappropriate behaviour with the twins. There was no end to the number of favours I had to call in to keep that out of the tabloid press, I can tell you!

Zeus had been told that it would improve his public image to be seen more often in the company of mortal females. OK, that makes a modicum of sense. But embodied as a swan? Really? Which demographic was that supposed to appeal to? I blame the furries.

Zeus and evil double (Christen Købke, 1836)
It did not help that Zeus' ambrosia habit was spiralling out of control and he had constructed an entire delusional world where anything discreditable had actually been committed by his evil double from a parallel dimension -- an argument that might have been more convincing if the parallel universe of goateed Spocks and black swans had been known at the time rather than remaining undiscovered until 1790.

Home life of the Gods: Actually less exciting than you might think.


M. Bouffant said...

If it's "less exciting," why is it

You don't have permission to access /blogImg909/TSmith.jpg on this server?"

Smut Clyde said...

It's persecution of M.B, it is.
Everyone else has permission.

ckc (not kc) said...

...example of "hilarity with Hercules"

Many years after that incident she heard rumours that Hercules had fallen in love with another woman. She smeared some of the blood on a robe and sent it to Hercules by a servant named Lichas. Lichas spilled some blood on the floor and when the sun's rays fell on it the blood begun to burn. Because of this Deianeira began to suspect Nessus's advice and decided to send another servant to fetch Lichas back before he could hand over the blood soaked robe to Hercules. She was too late. Hercules had already put on the robe and when he did so the blood still poisoned from the same arrow used by Hercules, burnt into his flesh. When he jumped into a nearby river in hope of extinguishing the fire, it only made it worse. When he tried to rip off the robe from his body his organs were also ripped off with it.

tigris said...

"Nicht Life of the Gods" doesn't even make sense!

Smut Clyde said...

Silly tigris. It's "Nicht life of the Cods".

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I blame the furries.

Featheries, purrhaps?

mikey said...


Wanna have some fun?

I especially recommend "Rain in the Doorway" and "The Bishop's Jaegers".

Do mix up a nice pitcher of cocktails before you get started.

tigris said...

It's "Nicht life of the Cods".

Oh of course. I blame my misapprehension on the scalies.

Captcha is suffer; there, there now.