Saturday, October 22, 2011

Gullible Foil

At Riddled Research Laboratories we are not wont to boast of our interplanetary teleportation capability. Also whenever people find out the hard way that they need to take their own sphere of atmosphere when visiting Mars, and that the return journey may be delayed due to bursts in the tachyon flux, do we go around gloating about our superior expertise with many a Ho Ho Told you So? HARDLY EVER.

So it is galling to follow a link from S,N! and learn about Andy Basiago, who appears to be a big name in the Scammosphere with his own much-jaunted vaunted time-travel and teleportation claims.*
Andy is an emerging figure in the Truth Movement, who is leading a campaign to lobby the United States government to disclose such controversial truths as the fact that Mars harbors life and that the United States has achieved “quantum access” to past and future events.
Andy’s writings place him at the forefront of contemporary Mars research. His paper The Discovery of Life on Mars, published in 2008, was the first work to prove that Mars is an inhabited planet. After publishing his landmark paper, Andy founded the Mars Anomaly Research Society.

Andy is also one of America’s time travel pioneers. In the late 1960s and early 1970s, he was a child participant in the secret US time-space program, Project Pegasus.

He was the first American child to teleport and took part in probes to past and future events utilizing different forms of time travel then being researched and developed by DARPA.
That is all my bum, said Brinsley. Also has Mr Basiago teleported to the interior planet inhabited by vegetable chess-pieces? I THINK NOT.

You can see how friendly the plant people were when I arrived. Here to honour their illustrious visitor they are staging a performance of Hamlet. This is Act 2, Scene II. You can tell from the variegated leaves that the sentient shrubbery who comprise the visiting troupe of players are Gold-Dust Plants.

At this point I could not restrain myself from an interjection: "What's Aucuba to him, or he to Aucuba, That he should weep for her?"

Relations were markedly cooler after that and it seemed wise to remember an urgent appointment and teleport home. Nor was the state of interplanetary friendship improved by Another Kiwi's visit, when for reasons best known to himself he decided to "take a shovel and show them who's boss".

* "Lifetime membership in Project Pegasus is currently being offered for a one-time fee of $100. To become a lifetime member of Project Pegasus, and support Andy’s efforts to lobby the US government to disclose its teleportation capability, so that this life-advantaging technology can be used by humanity to achieve planetary sustainability, send a personal check, cashier’s check or money order, together with your name, postal address, telephone number and e-mail address, to: Andrew D. Basiago, Esq.

There is nothing particularly original about Basiago's variety of Face-on-Mars loonyness, but he has risen to the dizzying heights of the conspiracy-theorist empyrean (i.e. interviews on Coast-to-Coast radio and guest-speaker status at Joan Ocean's Dolphin & Teleportation Symposium).

He seems to be a primary informant for Alfred Lambrement Webre, an out-and-out full-flown bullgoose loon who has taken a host of suppressed realities -- Icke's reptiloids, good aliens from Andromeda, chemtrails, HAARP and the gubblement-is-taking-our-vitamins-away -- and fused them into a single eclectic worldview, a one-stop-shop for all your Fortean needs. In Webre the crank magnetism is superconducting.

For his revelations about the existence of time travel and life on Mars, Andy has been identified as a “planetary-level whistle blower” by the Web Bot project of futurists Clif High and George Ure. The Web Bot analyzes the content of the World Wide Web and uses Asymmetric Linguistic Trend Analysis (ALTA) to predict future global trends.
This is also fun. The Web Bot project turns out to be a couple of scammers who've taken some jargon from Latent Semantic Analysis and set up an electronic Nostradamus program which they claim to be converting disturbances in the WWW into glimpses of the future. After any dramatic event they release their uselessly vague predictions with explanations of how they were predictive -- predictions which gullible nimrods can buy in advance. Evidently the Web Bot is sufficiently well-established in the Scammosphere that Basiago can cite it as an authority and attribute his self-embellishments to spurious Web Bot predictions.

My own intensive examination of trends within the WWW indicate that the future is going to be all about barely-legal naked cheerleaders doing it doggy-style.


M. Bouffant said...

need to take their own sphere of atmosphere when visiting Mars

You'd think researchers in/on an island (Alright, TWO-ISLAND!) nation would know about SCUBA gear.

Hamish Mack said...

"take a shovel and show them who's boss".

I meant to say "Show them my Hugo Boss hat" but I was in a hurry.
The way that the time machine rearranges one's clothing is unsettling. I know Mikey set it to that because of the way he rolls, but I don't like it.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

After publishing his landmark paper, Andy founded the Mars Anomaly Research Society.

Oh Yeah?

Well I'm founding the Monstrously Appealing Righteous Sugar Bars Involving Tasty Chewy Health Ever Society.

Smut Clyde said...

an island (Alright, TWO-ISLAND!) nation

Now M. Bouffant must face the wrath of Stewart Island.

Hamish Mack said...

Not to mention the Chathams, which no one ever should anyway.

Substance McGravitas said...

May I borrow the time machine for a minute? No, these are not bombs that can completely obliterate entire islands.

tigris said...

I want to start an organization that researches his organization and call it MARS Anomaly Research Society.

Smut Clyde said...

Inquiring minds are wondering what "t.i.g.r.i.s." stands for.

From the Whackyweedia:
At the time Bracken was writing, New Zealand was perceived as composed of three principal islands. In his "Australia and New Zealand", published in 1873, the English writer Anthony Trollope wrote that the colony "consists of the North Island, the Middle Island, and Stewart Island".

This in connection with the "Pacific's triple star" mentioned in the Nashnul Anthum. Nothing there about "double star" so Substance is banned.