Friday, November 11, 2011

A silver tongue for the chosen one


Hello? Anyone home?

Welcome to Bona Folklore and Märchen, now under new management! How bona to vida your dolly old eek!

Have I come to the right place? You don't look a lot like the Brothers Grimm.

Grim? Frowning? Lines in the eek? I don't think so, dearheart. No, I'm B Julian and this is my friend A Sandy with the mask, we're in charge for the nonce. Are you looking for any fairy tale in particular? We're offering a special production of The Princess and the Pea.

I don't think so; Riddled is a family blog.

Oh bold! Very bold! Did you hear the like of it, Sandy?

Actually I was after a version of Diamonds and Toads.

Of course, the Kind and Unkind Palonis, Tale #480 in the Aarne-Thompson classification. But you'll be after an omi variant. You know how it works: One brother is polite to the sprites or elves from the narrative realm --
-- That's us.
-- Yes, us, that is. He shares his meagre lunch with them, and offers to help with their chores, and they reward him with the spell that diamonds and pearls fall from his mouth when he speaks.
-- And he gets to marry a princess. Mustn't forget the princess.
While the other brother is rude and selfish when he trolls off to the elves, so they curse him that toads and vipers fall out when he opens his trap.

No princess?

Not unless she likes the strong silent type.

There are life lessons there about how to behave with anthropomorphic archetypes when you find yourself in the realm of narrative.

So what's for lunch? What bijou mangarie do you have for us?

Well, there's this.

Oh dear. I've come over all limp. Hold me, Sandy. My feelings haven't been so hurt since Bognor.

It's only a salted pineapple.

How naff. It's enough to turn my riah white. Do you take us for Rambling Syd Rumpo?
And now you've upset Julian. He's sensitive about fruit, you know. When his gorge rises it takes hours to settle it back in place.

So what happens now? Do I get the diamonds or the toads?

For that little bonne bouche --
-- That's your actual French, that is.
-- you've earned the Rebus Spell. Which doesn't feature in many versions of Aarne-Thompson 480! Whenever you try to say a letter, a sword falls out of your mouth in the shape of that letter, like a scimitar for the letter 'C'.

That doesn't sound like much of a curse but I suppose it isn't really a blessing either.

It depends on what you make of it, dearheart.
Think how many games of charades you'll be able to win.


Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

We're offering a special production of The Princess and the Pea.

I've heard tell that the penalties for that sort of thing in the not-so-drouthy antipodes are stiff.

So what's for lunch? What bijou mangarie do you have for us?

I hear the vipers are delicious!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Rambling Syd Rumpo!

El Manquécito said...

I hate it when someone is mendatious about where one might obtendere fucum.

wiley said...

Is this about me? Am I the rude one?

Why do I ask? WTF should I care? I have my prince and full command over the shape of my day, it's a bit of a stretch to think of myself as "cursed," now isn't it?

When my MS brain fog was full throttle I had great difficulty understanding the posts here, but I kept trying. Now that my head is cleared, I comprehend, and damn! this is a brilliant style of blog and humor. I don't know what to say sometimes, I just laugh from the toes up, and call Clouds over saying "read this---it's funny." The one about the plot with the perfumier really cracked him up--- he likes that movie a lot.

Smut Clyde said...

This post is a bit in-jokish but certain people (not looking at AK) were exposed at a vulnerable age to "Around the Horne" and other examples of the British radio-humour tradition so they know the whole Julian & Sandy back-story. Everyone else will have to google it.

Another Kiwi said...

Well played, SC. Bona.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I thought the joke was rooted in the precepts of the Polari Bible.

SHAN'T... BE... BACK!!!

vacuumslayer said...

wiley, when I decided I wanted all my S,N buddies to be on my blogroll, I came here and I was like "In over my head! In over my head!" It can take awhile to *get* Riddled. All I know is I hold on tight and hope for a double-duty joke about Trebuchet, which is both a floor wax and dessert topping.

Substance McGravitas said...

For this particular curse I recommend steel-toad boots.

Smut Clyde said...

I just laugh from the toes up

We scrimp and we save and we slave over a hot keyboard for hours to provide the readers with well-researched facts on a range of topics, and what kind of gratitude to we get? People laugh. Heart-breaking, it is.

Another Kiwi said...

If I could find the fecking scrimping tools! They aren't in the proper cupboard. It's not your lallies that get worn out looking for stuff!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Purrhaps the library pixies took them, A.K.

tigris said...

Thunder's right, they use them to put fancy edges on the wood cuts.

Smut Clyde said...

no wonder I am not playing with a full deckle today.