Monday, January 30, 2012

Retail outlet

"The readers are clamouring for skwirls," I reported, checking the comments. "They are clamid."

"Is that a word?" wondered tigris.

"Candid, humid," said Another Kiwi. "Of course it's a word."

So we sent Little Tim down to the Riddled Library to take out a copy of The Tale of Skwirl Nutkin.

Unfortunately the Library Pixies were in a sportive mood for they were celebrating one of their traditional ethnic holidays, and Little Tim needed rescuing. It was not until after alarums and excursions when we were finally back in the tea-room calming our nerves with a packet of Chocolate Wheaties and a bottle of Juggernaut that we discovered that he'd borrowed not Skwirl Nutkin, but the sequel.

This is where a team of vets and engineers craft a state-of-the-art carbon-fibre prosthetic tail for the hapless skwirl, to replace the flesh-&-blood appendage lost in his owl-related industrial accident. The replacement's engineering elegance makes up for its lack of physical sensation, and reflects badly on the messiness and tawdry inefficiency of Nutkin's other limbs and sense organs. Increasingly dissatisfied, it is only a matter of time before he starts finding excuses to progressively lose other limbs in further owl-related accidents, so that each may be replaced with its own better-than-meat robotic equivalent.

Inevitably, corporate interests and military lobbyists become involved when they see the possible applications of a CybEichhörnchen to further their own ends.* This always happens.



It must be a tradition, or an old charter or something.
* Recall that the Tin Man ends up leading Queen Princess Ozma's army.
** Good review for Antibodies here.


Bonus EXCLUSIVE VIEW of Riddled Library Extension under construction.

UPDATE: Any history of the literary link between prosthetic post-humanism and hard-body militarism would be incomplete without a mention of Limbo, and especially Moderan ("Yes, we look like walking steel shells with flesh piping, in Moderan, and we think of wars and good pounding").

23 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The clam's id should not be confused with the super-ego.
~

Jennifer said...

For a moment, I thought Antibodies was a box of cereal.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

that window on the library does not appear to be properly energy-efficient.

Shameful, for good libruls like you.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I wouldn't call it clamoring.

Laura said...

I wish we could see the "Man Machine's" ... you know.. man machine :P

((Hugs))
Laura

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

it is only a matter of time before he starts finding excuses to progressively lose other limbs in further owl-related accidents, so that each may be replaced with its own better-than-meat robotic equivalent.

L. Frank Baum's estate lawyers would like a word with you.

vacuumslayer said...

Recall that the Tin Man ends up leading Queen Ozma's army.

Did that happen? I do NOT recall that. How is that everybody remembers more about this beloved childhood fave of mine than I do?

This owl is trying to meld with his machine.

Substance McGravitas said...

Bonus EXCLUSIVE VIEW of Riddled Library Extension under construction.

OMG it's a Liquor Man!

Smut Clyde said...

This owl is trying to meld with his machine.

No-one warned it about the Mollycule Theory.

How is that everybody remembers more about this beloved childhood fave of mine than I do?

Hmm. Should I smugly credit it to a superior memory, or admit using the Google? Decisions, decisions.
Proof.

wiley said...

O.K. I suppose I should have read what Google redirected me to, but I HATE having my focus stolen!

RRRRR. And I HATE repeating myself.

Yeah. I'm a H8ter. So, perhaps "inspire infect" should be my new mantra. It is catchy and would look good on a squirrel patch.

wiley said...

inform inspire infect

sheesh

Smut Clyde said...

that window on the library does not appear to be properly energy-efficient.

My eyes have double-glazed over.

vacuumslayer said...

Hmm. Should I smugly credit it to a superior memory, or admit using the Google? Decisions, decisions.
Proof.


My time as a phrenologist had me convinced you were JUST THAT BRILLIANT. People with enticingly high foreheads and all that...

vacuumslayer said...

Also, I much prefer your "Antibodies" picture to mine, as yours is much less likely to give me nightmares. Although purple is NOT my favorite color.

tigris said...

better than meat

wiley said...

oh gawd--- that's so deliciously sick--- now i want to catch a squirrel and make a soap dispenser outta him; but i don't want to kill him, so i'm going to have to train the bastard really well.

vacuumslayer said...

Squirrels are just rats with tails.

I SAID IT.

vacuumslayer said...

Also, now Smut is gonna whip out his famous beer tap for wiley...

Smut Clyde said...

How is that everybody remembers more about this beloved childhood fave of mine than I do?

It helps to have been in the Reading-books-to-the-Doktorling stage not so many years ago. Of course you have to do a separate voice for each of the characters or the customer is dissatisfied.

better than meat
tigris brings us back to roadkill packaging.

Also, now Smut is gonna whip out his famous beer tap for wiley...
Whipping out the famous beer tap!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

we discovered that he'd borrowed not Skwirl Nutkin, but the sequel

You mean "Nutkin Shrugged" was not authorized?

wiley said...

Yeah. Them taps is...uh. uhm. uh.

something. I cannot not imagine animals fluids mingling with the brew, though; and so would surrender the experience out of put-offed-ness by the imagination.

Sometimes I do that. It goes double for boiled okra.

Smut Clyde said...

"Nutkin Shrugged"

If you are looking for Objectivism in Beatrix Potter stories, I refer you to the Tale of Mrs Tiddle Mouse. There is no end to her battle to keep her architectural vision intact against the encroachment of looters and moochers like Babbitty Bumble and Mr Jackson.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I believe I have that Limbo book on my shelf somewhere. Haven't read it in a while, if so.