Friday, February 3, 2012

Happy 107th birthday, Ayn Rand!

For the fans: "Portrait of Ayn Rand as her readers imagine her".


Once upon a time there was a wood-mouse, and her name was Mrs. Tittlemouse. She lived in a bank under a hedge. She believed that buildings should be sculpted only to fit their location, material, and purpose elegantly and efficiently.

Such a funny house! There were yards and yards of sandy passages, leading to storerooms and nut-cellars and seed-cellars, all amongst the roots of the hedge.

There was a kitchen, a parlour, a pantry, and a larder.

The other wood-mice wanted houses that conformed to traditional styles but Mrs. Tittlemouse was committed to the integrity of her architectural vision.

She was plagued by moochers, and looters, and second-raters with no creative spark of their own who were content to exploit her individuality. When it wasn't cadgers and parasites like Babbitty Bumble, always coming in at a window and saying Zizz, Bizz, Bizzz... was creativity-draining clients like Mr Jackson, and their complaints that the scale of a house was too small for them.

But Mrs Tittlemouse did not compromise, putting principles before her career. She was forced to dynamite a housing project after a less-talented architect tampered with the blueprints. A jury of her peers found her Not Guilty and acquitted her without a stain on her reputation. Mr. Jackson was invited to the party and came up the bank, but he could not squeeze in at the door.

Special-delivery Fountain-head for Ms Rand!!


Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I was told that there would be cake, but I was told that by a moocher.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Come to think of it, a whole series of Beatrix Potter/Ayn Rand mashups would be hilarious- the "Gloucester Tailor" wouldn't be so generous to those meeses!

Come to think of it, I may have to re-read other children's classics with an Objectivist eye... I think Toad of Toad Hall would make a fine Randian superamphibian.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I like these tales using animals to illustrate something else.

Laura said...

I must say, I'm digging all this too. :)
Beatrix Potter was my favourite childrens author. Peter Rabbit is my all time favouite story.


wiley said...

Remember that chicken story about the hen that kept asking "Who is going to help me something something make the bread?"

I honestly thought, and still do, that it should either end with a hearty "Fuck you brats, if you don't want to help make the bread, you don't eat."

Or, better yet, the hen should open with, "Anyone who wants to help me make the bread---front and center. Anyone who doesn't--- eat shit. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't NEED the help.I can just make bread for myself if no one wants to help me."

mikey said...

Dood, that is one DEEPLY fucked up fountain.

Do you suppose I can get a scaled down version for my study?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

after a less-talented architect tampered with the blueprints.

I called it "paying work".

Smut Clyde said...

I decided against tagging this post as helpful to ZRM.

vacuumslayer said...

Is there any particular reason Mrs. Tittlemouse wore a cupcake wrapper for pants?

Substance McGravitas said...

Beatrix Potter/Ayn Rand mashups would be hilarious

Wait'll the stories get all rapey!

Smut Clyde said...

Is there any particular reason Mrs. Tittlemouse wore a cupcake wrapper for pants?

Is a reason necessary? Ooops.

vacuumslayer said...

Good design my ass! Well, her ass, really.