Monday, March 26, 2012

It's always raining over the border \ There's been a plane crash out there

Gerry Brownlee, well-known New Zealand politician and overstuffed-walrus impersonator, has impugned Finland.


This will not end well. Any fule kno that Finland is the home of shamanism and sorcery. Queen Gunnhild Mother-of-Kings in her girlhood learned seiðr from warlocks there, and used her weather-witchery against Egil Skallagrimsson. I for one will not be boarding any ship in the near future that is also carrying Mr Brownlee despite his potential as a flotation device.

New Zealand and Finland have long-standing cultural links, consisting of us stealing the Intermezzo of the Karelia Suite to brand NZ itself in 1970, TVNZ from 1975, and Bremworth shagpile carpets in the 1980s. There is no record of Finland stealing Lilburn music for their own nationalistic advertising. The countries are of similar size and population, although NZ lacks the geographical advantage of being the testicles of Scandinavia. Like NZ, Finland is bilingual, to support the cultural identity of an economically-disadvantaged minority.

Politicians have taken to pointing to Finland as an example of how a small resource-poor country can prosper through innovation and high-value exports. This is what inspired Gerry to deliver his angry diatribe to parliament, denouncing Finland as the poverty-stricken third-world hell-hole of under-nourished, ignorant, murderous misogynists that is not the US.

Surprised that his comments were quoted outside of the House, and aggrieved because Santorum gets away with it all the time, Gerry has since explained that his comments were not intended to be factual. They were in fact hum'rous and satirical. We can only assume that like Monty Python's Bloody Bigots Club, he was satirising a particular mindset of moronic nationalism. Personally if I wanted to traduce Finland I would have made fun of their language -- I ask you, 15 cases! -- but then I am not considering an alternative career in stand-up comedy.

A Finnish blogger responds:
But since I don’t want to be too hard on Mr. Brownlee, and I want to charitably accept his later comment that his words were satirical, yet with a grain of truth in them… well, don’t worry, Mr. Brownlee. I don’t bear a grudge.

Just you New Zealanders stop raping sheep, children and your Maori slaves, which is a satirical comment with a shadow of fact in it so no hard feelings, and we’re okay.

13 comments:

Substance McGravitas said...

There's us and there's them and THEY STINK.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Politicians have taken to pointing to Finland as an example of how a small resource-poor country can prosper through innovation and high-value exports.

Don't forget the sorcery!

No Pornopolka for Mr Brownlee.

Smut Clyde said...

Don't forget the sorcery!

I will have you know sir that sorcery is legal here since the Tohunga Suppression Act was repealed in 1962.

mikey said...

"The Testicles of Scandinavia"

Know what that is, right there?

That, right there, is some righteous BRANDING, young man.

And nothing, not ONE GODDAM THING, is as important as the integrity of your Brand Identity.

Testicles. In your face!

Substance McGravitas said...

I KNEW you were a secret teabagger.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

And isn't Gerry feeling a bit sheepish about now?
~

tigris said...

Brownlee said the debate was mostly humorous and should not have offended Finns

except they are too stupid to get the joke HAW HAW.

Smut Clyde said...

Changing the title because BEER.

Smut Clyde said...

That, right there, is some righteous BRANDING, young man.

Visit sunny Scrotanavia!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Scrotanavia rules the seas!
~

Smut Clyde said...

some righteous BRANDING

It turns out that Scrotal Branding is an actual body-mod, and not just the name of my next band.

vacuumslayer said...

Yikes remind me to never tangle with the Finns.

Smut Clyde said...

Yikes remind me to never tangle with the Finns.

I think it is generally accepted that the one worse idea than "getting involved in a land war in Asia" is "invading Finland".