Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Spiders on a Plain: Silk Skin Paws #2

Disappointing news from the Journal of Experimental Biology:
We are keeping a brave face down at the Old Entomologist, telling each other that "I never accepted that report from Gorb et al.", and "Rind et al. was too good to be true" -- except for the hipsters who reckon that they stopped believing in silk-secreting tarantula feet months ago when Foelix et al. published.

This is good news for the Spider, who has always relied on a web-gun rather than his pedal appendages to shoot internets silk for entangling his enemies. I have no idea what the story is with his steampunk bra. At Riddled we do not judge.

Anyway, we have consoled ourselves with an argument about the taxonomy of these little cuties:


The Economic Times cites "British naturalist Dr Vejay K Singh, popularly known as Dr Venom": "This is indeed a theraphosid spider or more commonly called tarantula. Most likely from the genus selenocosmia or lyrognathus, but more probably the former." In the absence of an image showing the labiosternal junction, we were not in a position to dispute the genus. But clearly they are theraphosidae -- note the 8 small eyes located on an ocular tubercule, and the dimple or fovea in the carapace where the stomach muscles attach. Also diagnostic is the pair of large three-segmented spinnerets.

You can tell the male theraphosids for they have the end of each pedipalp specialised into a cymbium, and of course they won't ask for directions when they're lost. Also they are equipped with extra silk glands around the genitals, which allows for party tricks and social accomplishments and makes up for the non-silk-squirtiness of their feet.

The mystery arachnids are reported from Assam State in India:
Why the inverted commas around 'tarantula', as if the family is in doubt? I can understand the uncertainty as to whether the victims were actually killed. They might be in some kind of yogic suspended-animation trance.

What does "an entomologist on condition of anonymity" have to say? Good question!
However, what is worrying is the way these arachnids surfaced all of a sudden and started biting everyone around. Its behaviour shows that it is not used to human presence; so, there is some ground to believe that this may have been accidentally or intentionally introduced to our eco-system [...] The government should delve into this issue and find out how these arachnids arrived here.
Obviously, they're lost. They should have stopped to ask for directions.

UPDATE: It belatedly occurs to me that the Spider's steampunk bra is actually a breast-enlargement vacuum pump that he credulously bought on the Interthreads and continues to wear out of stubbornness, rather than admit that he was ripped off.

12 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

This is a whole lotta halping Jennifer.

Also: GORBS!
~

vacuumslayer said...

Well, maybe you don't judge, but I think sharing bras with Madonna is kinda weird.

And are hipster biologists more or less annoying that regular hipsters?

Jennifer said...

extra silk glands around the genitals

This brought back fond memories of Google-bombing MenD with moist spider panties... when thundra became thudner.

You're a sick fuck, Smut. I compliment you elsewhere and what do I get?? A nod? A tip of the hat?? An offer to buy me a beer? Hayell no! I get speedra crap... and worse?? I look.

mikey said...

I just now realize that I fail to use the qualifying phrase "...to which I am impervious" anywhere near often enough. But I shall endeavor to remedy that unfortunate condition immediately.

Tarantulas - to which I am impervious - get a long dowsing in the RAID from the purple can.

I'm not sure I understand exactly how it is related, but when I mis-spelled 'tarantulas' up there, the spellchecker suggested 'transexualism', and while correlation is not causality, this IS, after all, the Riddled weblog...

tigris said...

I can understand the uncertainty as to whether the victims were actually killed. They might be in some kind of yogic suspended-animation trance.

As they were cremated, one hopes the quotes indicate the doubt was whether or not the spiders were murderers or just scape, um, goats.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

In the absence of an image showing the labiosternal junction,,,
Is this what pr0n has come to?
Is nothing left to teh imagination anymoar? What's next, extreme close-up video of glisteningly moist spinnerets?

Substance McGravitas said...

Moist...spinnerets.

Another Kiwi said...

Moist spinnerets to which I am impervious.

Substance McGravitas said...

I am suspicious of superheroes who use nerve gas.

Smut Clyde said...

Theraphosid sperm webs are the new 'moist spider panties'.
Link contains GRAPHIC PICTURES. Also, pictorial graphics.

Spidras are impervious to nerve gas from the purple can.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

"British naturalist Dr Vejay K Singh, popularly known as Dr Venom"

And four time winner of the annual "Naturalist or Supervillain" contest.

As they were cremated, one hopes the quotes indicate the doubt was whether or not the spiders were murderers or just scape, um, goats.

Spiderscapegoats...

alison said...

"But clearly they are theraphosidae -- note the 8 small eyes located on an ocular tubercule, and the dimple or fovea in the carapace where the stomach muscles attach."

Well, clearly!