Friday, August 24, 2012

We'll have words.

"Why" tigris asked in the tone which says 'the answer is because we are loonies, tigris' "are we doing this?"
"For knowlege" I said feverishly trying to remember what we had written on the grant application.
"Yes" said Smut Clyde "and a shirt-load of Old Fergussons Rusty Blade Stout with Prunes for Health".
"I always wonder how they get the prunes in the bottle" I mused.
"The experiment calls for an infinite number of monkeys" said tigris.
"That'd be a big bottle" I opined. Smut and I found this charming image very funny until we got the back of tigris' fan across our ears.
"I dunno where we will get monkeys from " Smut vouchsafed "Evangeline van Hoslteren's idiot boyfriend and her vile nephew Throgmorton are the closest we have and that's not infinite. Unless it's infinitely irritating."
It's making writing innit?" I asked.
"Yes, co-author of the grant application" said Smut.
"What about adapting the random post machine, then. We could overide the jokes module and pretend that the salted pineapple trade stuff is part of what the bloke wrote."
"Shakespeare" said tigris "writing, about salted pineapples?"
"He wrote about salted ham" I observed "in the Denmark play"
Within a few short weeks the words were flowing, Evangeline van Hosteren's idiot boyfriend and her vile nephew Throgmorton were engaged at mumble groats a day and Smut and I were supervising and working out how to drink Old Fergussons Rusty Blade Stout with Prunes for Health two bottles at a time.
An unforeseen complication is the EVH's idiot boyfriend's dog, Custis, has been drinking the runoff and can now recite The Faerie Queene  by Sir Edmund Spenser with jokes.
We are in negotiations with TVNZ about a news reading job.

6 comments:

Smut Clyde said...

Another Kiwi is a genius. Has this been mentioned lately?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I hope tigris appreciates all this halp.
~

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Another Kiwi is a genius. Has this been mentioned lately?

I was going to write a sonnet about his genius, but couldn't get the rhyme scheme down.

Fecking Petrarch!

Helmut Monotreme said...

I love this. I am really hope AK is working on a book.

Substance McGravitas said...

I'd recommend getting in touch with Trurl but he's a little rusty.

Didn't know this was out there...

Another Kiwi said...

Too kind gentlemen.Trurl is not returning our phone calls. Unprofessional is what it is.