Thursday, October 25, 2012

"An elephant is titanium and lightweight composite materials and hydraulic actuators," said the fourth blind man

Alas, there was not sufficient space in an earlier post on cyborg elephants to report on recent advances in the field of pachyderm prosthetics.

It is safe to assume that the leg replacements are weaponised, concealing heavy machine guns (with M203 grenade-launcher attachments) such as will be useful in the event of human zombie onslaught. This is an old tradition.

Things have certainly advanced since the wooden-leg state-of-the-art in John Sladek's day.


UPDATED: I have avoided reading the news stories to see how the nellypants lost their legs, preferring to believe that it was in circus accidents while performing reckless high-wire stunts without a safety net.

9 comments:

M. Bouffant said...

C'mon, that second shot is clearly a splint, cast or some such, not a replacement.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

M.B. you have to suspend your disbelief (not to mention, curb your enthusiasm).
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Nice post title change.

But last night we saw the live action version of How To Train Your Dragon and saw some backstage info after the show; I believe elephantses are very much like dragons in their nature, so they are actually made of steel armatures, covered in foam and plastic substructures wrapped in quilted spandex-like skin with drivers inside, and occasionally using overhead carriages.

mikey said...

I don't think the addition of an M203 class grenade launcher would be the right option at all, Mr. Smut. You see, it's not a magazine fed weapon, so you would have to design some kind of automated reloading device. If you went with the MK19 instead, you wouldn't have to re-invent the wheel, so to speak.

On the other foot, I tried to get on the Overhead Carriage, but they wouldn't let my elephant get on, even if I paid for two seats. So we went home and had a peanut butter and peasant sammich...

OBS said...

peanut butter and peasant sammich

I prefer a PLT -- peasant, lettuce, and tomato -- 'specially when the peasant is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. Mmmm.

Substance McGravitas said...

I thought a PLT was a Planet Terror.

OBS said...

I was thinking of a different movie reference, akshully.

Ritt Momney said...

I think that we can all agree that the trade in elephant foot umbrella stands, while not to everyone's taste, is a useful source of money for poor people in foreign countries where elephants live. I can't imagine what it must be like to be in a place where there are no elephants and you are a elephant umbrella stand entrepreneur. I blame Obama for this.

vacuumslayer said...

Weaponized elephants? THis seems more than a little relevant.