Thursday, October 25, 2012

Enquiring mind how you go.

Many readers have enquired as to the whereabouts of Evangeline van Holsterin's owl, Gimpy. Life was not kind to Gimpy and he slipped into a dissolute life eventually emerging as spokesowl for Nottola an organistion that "Just says NO to birdseed soaked in Port". These days he is philisophical about his life. "I don't give a hoot about that stuff. That'll be $10, thanks" he says reflecting the new harder edged side of his personality.   


Still more readers have been asking about the Christmas Ale Bacon project.* There have been a few technical issues with production. As can be seen from photos taken at the piggery this morning the magical properties of the Christmas Ale have produced unforeseen consequences. For instance, the flying pig Pope. Of course, those of us who are godless heathens have no problem with nomming the nuncio but some amongst us have expressed disquiet with curing the cardinal. Also it is a bugger to catch a winged pig. For a start you have to have a blooming big net.
Also it keeps banging on about peace and love and that.

   Some readers have asked about enrolling in Riddled Rapid Learning School. It is recommended that applicants should have a tertiary qualification and be used to long hours of scholarly work. Uniquely among modern online based education institutions, Riddled has "iLearn" immersion capsules designed for each student to enable the knowledge to get into your brain sharpish like. Made of modern papyrus based materials the iLearn system channels education vibrations into the cerebral cortex and has been extensively tested on rats who have been proven to have increased their knowledge of medieval crop rotation systems by 64%.
 Warning: use of the iLearn system may result in loss of legs.

 
* SMUTDATE: Hey AK, the labels are ready for the bottles now!

19 comments:

Smut Clyde said...

nomming the nuncio but some amongst us have expressed disquiet with curing the cardinal.

It's OK, it's a friar.

mikey said...

So check it out doods.

So I ordered the RRLS starter kit. It came with fourteen iLearn capsules in a old used baggie with a twist tie. There was an instruction book, but c'mon now - who reads the fucking manual? So I swallowed the capsules, washed 'em down with a quart of chocolate milk and hopped over the hill to the beach to see what happened.

It was awesome. I communed with nature, I breathed in the salt air, I talked to the animals (grunted, squeaked and squawked with them too)and I hallucinated that the Giants were back in the World Series.

The last thing I remember seeing, on my way out to the parking lot, was the seagulls had gotten together and were planting oats, for some reason.

When I got home I ate a leftover stroganoff sammich and got a tummy ache and a pretty bad dose of diarrhea. So I dunno - maybe community college IS a better way to go...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Just don't make a habit of it.
~

Another Kiwi said...

People always try to live Vicar-osely.
Glad to hear that your study programme was a success, Mikey. the next stage is to ask "Why were the seagulls planting oatmeal and what were the penguins doing?"

Another Kiwi said...

Nice label Smut, they got the pig colour just right. They still going to put a rasher in each bottle?

tigris said...

I hallucinated that the Giants were back in the World Series

OH DEAR LORD it's contagious!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Uh oh.

I read a story about this once, by Stephen King.
~

Smut Clyde said...

The Riddled Rapid Learning School DOES NOT feature in a John Sladek story.

Another Kiwi said...

Ha ha. You see, Riddled does not provide sammiches. Get yer own bleeding sammiches

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

It all makes sense now, S.C.

The Washington Post/Stanley Kaplan Diploma Scam is run by the Guzz.

So disGuzzting!
~

M. Bouffant said...

The hell's a "stroganoff sammich?"

Fucking English, it could be a sammich made of leftover stroganoff, or a spare/remaining stroganoff sammich.

Seems messy either way.

OBS said...

Did someone say bacon ale?

Are you "dry hogging" or doing a bacon-vodka infusion and adding that? AFAF.

Another Kiwi said...

OBS need not be so enthusiastic about rule 34. Sweet Mother of God

Smut Clyde said...

Did someone say bacon ale?

Rogue ales contain "no chemicals, additives or preservatives".

Smut Clyde said...

Sweet Mother of God
D-KW trigger!

OBS said...

OBS need not be so enthusiastic about rule 34.

You know who else was unenthusiastic about Rule 34?

tigris said...

OBS could have asked about full wort hogging, so I for one am counting my blessing. Yes, there is just the one.

Smut Clyde said...

Call it "Six Degrees of Bacon" and I would drink it.

Substance McGravitas said...

This was bacony enough to get over the diaper smell.