Saturday, February 23, 2013

graveyards for lots and lots of little babies

Further developments in right-wing American gynecology. Now with pictorial proof (thx Boing-Boing)!
And they have found that with women who are on the birth control pill, there are these little tiny fetuses, these little babies, that are embedded into the womb. They’re just like dead babies. They’re on the inside of the womb. And these wombs of women who have been on the birth control pill effectively have become graveyards for lots and lots of little babies.
If you also have a cute little mushroom creature in your right lung, seek medical advice immediately.

The most charitable explanation for radio host Kevin's peculiar misconceptions about reproductive physiology is that he has an extreme case of trypophobia, a currently-fashionable condition -- "an irrational fear of clustered holes & pods" -- causing him to imagine the uterine lining as a kind of honeycomb structure, or like the 3rd Malebolge. Then comes the obsessing and the feelings like blackboards on a fingernail but coming from inside one's head. And then the brain-seize.

Authorities are divided as to the reality of trypophobia, with some believing that it is merely an excuse to upload images of rare skin disorders from one's medical textbooks to the appropriate Reddit site to see how many people they trigger; and others comparing it to the Crucifix Glitch. Personally I am inclined to blame it on someone playing silly-buggers with the Riddled Morphogenic Field Flux Intensifier.

If in fact your fear involves clustered holes or pods served up with onions in white sauce as part of English regional cuisine, what you have is Tripeophobia which is not irrational at all.

UPDATE: Bonus and inevitable Evolutionary Psychology account of Trypophobia: "Having a fear of holes might have kept our ancestors from sticking their hands in burrows and boreholes where dangerous insects and other creatures reside." This does not explain why the holes are freakier when tightly clustered. Wasp nests having only one entrance, they are OK to stick your dick in.

There is no Evo-Psych explanation for radio hosts like Kevin Swanson with his femme fetale delusion, for Evolution does not believe in him.

UPDATE2: Bonus Whack-a-Mole for B4, who mentions it in comments -- all those sinister life-forms lurking in tightly-packed holes! -- as another possible trigger for Swanson's fantasies.

Don't start me on Whack-a-Mole / Beckett mash-ups.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

#2 is scientific proof that a woman who uses birth control ends up with a uterus full of unborn, implanted embryos.

I will only believe this if it comes from an Actual Doctor or PhD.

Substance McGravitas said...

Dr. Slayer should have something to say about that. "Womb Full of Death" is a natural.

tigris said...

The worst part about the womb baby graveyard is when they put in the headstones. And some of those little bastards WILL insist on statuary.

mikey said...

Seems like a smart fellah could use the whole "clustered holes and pods" imagery to quickly explain Ohm's Law...

Another Kiwi said...

Yes the ACT party had it's conference this weekend but the "clustered holes and pods" banner was a typo.

Smut Clyde said...

Speaking of the ACT party, I do recommend the "Crucifix Glitch" link, to Peter Wells' presentation on sociopaths and vampirism.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Would you believe a "flustered poles andhpods" banner, A.K.?

Anonymous said...

like the popular saying goes, "little baby go ha all night long." I can't imagine how beautiful a whole chorus would be

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

causing him to imagine the uterine lining as a kind of honeycomb structure, or like the 3rd Malebolge

I like to picture Swanson thinking of it as more like a Whack-a-Mole game, with each tiny implanted fetus ducking in and out of the lining to avoid the "abortionists'" efforts.

Also, "Swanson's" is a popular brand of frozen dinners here in the States- I am now picturing an "implanted fetus frozen dinner". Thank you, right wing nutbar!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Wasp nests having only one entrance, they are OK to stick your dick in.

Well, they do look somwhat like sexy, sexy cucurbits.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I'll bet he also has nightmares about dentata.