How much more reasonable could this rationale be? None. None more reasonable

Of course you have to boil urine. How else is one to reduce the volume? There is only so much space in the basement, and only so many mason jars, with half of those already occupied by bits of Masons. A totally plausible explanation but it was wearing thin with the relatives.

Imagine the relief, then, when the "endogenous schizogen" or "auto-intoxication" school of psychiatry came along, with (a) its idea that some people are differently-sane because their metabolism has gone cattywampus (compounded by dietary deficiency) and is secreting its own drugs; and (b) a new rationale. "Oh, that saucepan full of slowly-simmering urine? I am merely concentrating metabolic by-products."

Is it about a bicycle?

This approach also gave us a series of colour-coded chemicals -- adrenochrome, ceruloplasmin, the Mauve Factor a.k.a. kryptopyrrole -- each heralded as the cause of schizophrenia. Although the Mauve Factor sounds like a minor movement of rebellious fin-de-siècle poets; or an early-80s art-school band that once played as the warm-up at a Durutti Column concert. Its alternative name Malvaria was later used for the mute female assistant in the third Doctor Phibes movie, engendering the copyright issues and lawyering-up that are responsible for the movie remaining in legal limbo to this day.


Then there was Taraxein, discovered in the blood serum of schizophrenics by Dr Heath (whom god preserve) of Tulane. Sadly, taraxein was evidently colourless, which limited Heath's acceptance by the rest of the endogenous-schizogen crowd. Also he did not share their enthusiasm for curing mental illness through dietary improvements and vitamin megadosage, instead pioneering a treatment regime involving injections of bovine brain extract (I am not making this up).

Bovine brain-extract therapy
not without side-effects

No-one else succeeded in isolating taraxein. Here at the Riddled Research Laboratory and Sheep-Drench Emporium we are inclined to blame a secret society of thrill-seeking vampires -- accustomed to preying on schizophrenics for their psychedelic experiences -- for suppressing the discovery by corrupting the evidence. We yield to none in our admiration for Heath, given his willingness to challenge obstacles to the acquisition of knowledge such as 'ethics committees' and 'informed consent'. He was implanting brain electrodes long before it was popular or profitable the techniques for doing so safely or accurately became available, making him the inspiration for a Michael Crichton novel in addition to a Terry Southern story, which counts for more than mere Nobel Prizes in the eyes of the cognoscenti.

Meanwhile adrenochrome proved to have few psychedelic effects in the hands and syringes of other researchers, while the Mauve Factor was likewise too evanescent and pH-sensitive to be replicated by others. And yet it lives on, put forward now as the etiology of autism. The band has reformed! It only remains to convince the Frau Doktorin about the inspissation excuse for using all the saucepans!

"In the history of Riddled, which post has attracted most visitors?" asked tigris. "That would be the one about aberrant webs and drugged spiders," I replied, momentarily unclear on the concept of "rhetorical question".