Sunday, March 10, 2013

Taking Leif off the census

"Oh" people might say " what has occurred in the life of Another Kiwi that he is too good to come around Riddled no more with amusing stories of cheese robberies and stringing beads under olive trees whilst drinking ouzo, backwards"
Well me buckos, it is the time of reckoning in these here shaky isles and what with losing a bet involving no trousers, a humourously shaped vegetable and a unicycle I have been distributing and collecting census forms. Yes, enabling the jackboot of government regulation to oppress the harmless and freedom-loving new Zilders who are in love with a Chucky doll Prime Minister and like being abused.
Many and amusing are the stories what I have to tell involving fecking dogs the size of fecking Alaska, reclusive old ladies who turn out to be not reclusive and ask one in for a cup of tea, people growing veges for Africa in their back yard and charming African people who were having sausages for tea.
And, of course, the neighbourhood haunted house.
A piece of NZ rurality plunked down in the middle of a middle-class suburb and now all dilapidated and falling down. It certainly looks haunted and some brave census-collectors knocked on the door and walked quickly away.
I also found a hidden paddock in the middle of surburbia, just a paddock with nothing there. Alien landing site or oddly shaped bit of land with tiny access ways? I report, you decide. 
An interesting thing is the amount of internets there are in New Zild, it's all over the place. The gubblement wanted 35% of forms to be done over the webz and it looks like it will be over 40%. some people think it is a bad thing and all these rays whizzing about in the air can't be good for us. In these cases the brave census collector backs away slowly and doesn't argue.
Similarly the brave census collector does not argue with old white guys telling him or her about how there will never be a white president in the US again. The blacks are apparently outbreeding the whites AS IS HAPPENING IN NEW ZILD!!!. Also we have given too much back to the Maori. This is why OWG lived in a eye-wateringly ugly but expensive house.
A note for those who wish to tell brave census collectors about US politics: Do not call your example of The Last White Presidential White Person, Milt.
Milt Romney isn't a real person.
As, I suspect, the OWG also isn't.
On the whole it has been a good if tiring experience and I am going to get Government cheese for doing it.
And there is more to come as I get into the very exciting phase of Organising The Documents. Ooooh!
Of course there is a reason beyond money, beyond the glory, beyond the status for doing the job.
I HAVE A CLIPBOARD OF MY OWN1!!!!1 With spiral binding and everything but no whistle onna string. Hah hah hah. It's mine, all mine, until I have to give it back.
All of this is happening in New Zild's worst drought since the last one and which is not connected to Global Warming or nothing. Your brave census collectors have been driven from the streets by HOT weather several times.
Luckily cold refreshing drinks have been available. 
 

13 comments:

mikey said...

Cold refreshing drinks are a very good reason for doing anything.

Also, too, Milt Romney is too real. He's Willard's long lost brother, buried in quicklime under a concrete slab near the car elevator...

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Milt Romney? Sounds fishy!

Another Kiwi said...

I said nothing, I did not want to be out of plaice.

Smut Clyde said...

I would have said something about "The last roes of summer".

Smut Clyde said...

Also something something data bass.

OBS said...

Government Cheese

Smut Clyde said...

I did not want to be out of plaice
OWG was obviously a wrasse-ist.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Well, I am just going to say it.

Fire Up The Bassoons!


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

and all these rays whizzing about in the air can't be good for us

It's true, they should get back in the ocean where they belong.
~

Substance McGravitas said...

having sausages for tea

Yes, the time has come for pourable sausages.

Substance McGravitas said...

I HAVE A CLIPBOARD OF MY OWN1!!!!1

You need your own convertible and a headband.

Another Kiwi said...

Sausages for tea
Iincontrovertible headband

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Yes, the time has come for pourable sausages.

You've never been to Milwaukee.