Tuesday, May 21, 2013

IOKIYC.R.

"The Commentariat are demanding the cutting-room out-takes from the Christine Rankin post," observed Chief Editor tigris, resplendent in the Chief Editorial Hat which is often mistaken for a salted pineapple.

"That was Another Kiwi's post," I pointed out, "so the disjecta are stored in his desk, along with slightly used chewing gum, uneaten sammiches, and other items too unsavoury to mention. Also we agreed never to speak of the cutting-room again since that episode with the emos."

But tigris would brook no dispute, nor vice versa, so it is just was well that all our streams and burns and rivulets are thoroughly documented. She vouchsafed that AK is currently hors de combat, and has taken up permanent residence upon the chaise longue ever since his traumatic encounter last night. Details are still sketchy but it appears that his assailant was a long-term Zorb abuser, at least 40% Zorb on account of the inevitable atomic exchange that transpires from riding along the rocky and unpaved roads of the county. Unless the assailant was a zorb who has become at least 40% zorber.

Examination of the fragments gathered within the Desk of Doom reveal the following:

1. New Zealand is lacking in arrangements comparable to Fox News such as might provide phoney-baloney jobs to people who are no longer employed as Chief Executive of the Work & Income Dept, and cannot be expected to find non-celebrity occupations, forcing the gubblement to find Ms Rankin a job as Family Commissar. Admittedly there are niches such as "Columnist for the Auckland Herald" or "Professional guest on chat shows with the execrable Paul Henry", but Rankin had a go at the latter and evidently was not particularly good at that either.

2. Braeburn apples do not need to be submerged full fathom five before they suffer a sea change into something rich and strange.

3. Christine Rankin is a fierce implacable foe of unjust dismissal and a believer that employment contracts should provide life-long tenure, at least in her own case. In 2000 the gubblement of the day decided against renewing her contract. It emerged in her ensuing Employment Court hearing that either (a) everyone involved in the case was so lacking in discretion as to take Ms Rankin aside in confidence and admit privately that a party-political witch-hunt had dispensed with her services, or (b) Christine Rankin is a fabulist.

4. Her concern does not extend to the TVNZ security guard whom she had sacked for disagreeing with her in 2007.

This came in the wake of an interview with the execrable Paul Henry, in the lead-up to the "Anti-Smacking" legislative change. Rankin was opposed to the new law, arguing that the change would only criminalise decent Pakeha families for responsible use of parental discipline, while having no effect on Maori families who beat their kids to death whatever the law might say. "We do have a problem with Maori in this country" and anything else is just POLITICAL CORRECTNESS.

5. Creatively flamboyant wardrobe choices are an expression of joie de vivre and outside-the-box-thinking for Chief Executives while a dress code is required for underlings.

6. Sudoku puzzles do not solve themselves no matter how many of them you cut out from the paper and file away in one's desk where one's colleagues can't get to them first.

7. You can Rankin Bass but you can't tuna fish.

---------------------------------------------------
UPDATE: AK has already vouchsafed Ms Rankin's chief qualification for the Family Commission and for her simultaneous role running the new fambly-values Conservative Party, i.e. her extensive experience with her own four families and those of other people. Apparently this is not a problem for our right-wingers and theocrats:
The national director of Families First, Bob McCoskrie, said he still saw Ms Rankin as a very positive appointment. [...]
"But if the definition of being a Families Commissioner is a perfect family life then you are not going to find any commissioners.
"We need somebody who is willing to rock the boat, who is willing to bring in a diversity of opinion and who has got the backbone to actually speak up on those issues."
Memo to self: Avoid sharing space on a life-raft with anyone who thinks "rocking the boat" is a good thing.

Can't these people all head over to join the other gnomes at the Chelsea Garden Show?

10 comments:

Sirius Lunacy said...

Just Rankin in the DOH!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

But tigris would brook no dispute

Her will is law!

New Zealand is lacking in arrangements comparable to Fox News such as might provide phoney-baloney jobs to people who are no longer employed as Chief Executive of the Work & Income Dept

One would have thought that Ruppert would have set his sights on your antipodean land before taking on the northern hemisphere.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

6. Sudoku puzzles do not solve themselves no matter how many of them you cut out from the paper and file away in one's desk where one's colleagues can't get to them first.

No wonder the Orb-person hybrid had to punish him.
~

tigris said...

I would never call AK a hoo-er.

Smut Clyde said...

I assumed that you meant that he was *hoarse* de combat. The job takes a physical toll but if *we* don't shout at clouds then who will?

Another Kiwi said...

I'm just sayin' that the Chaise Longue is a not very comfortable what with all of the empty Chocolate Hob Nobs packets that have been stuffed into it.
Also hors d'oeuvres combat is not as much fun as you might think. The toothpicks with cheese and pineapple are not very good in the joust.

Substance McGravitas said...

We need somebody who is willing to rock the boat, who is willing to bring in a diversity of opinion

"Fuck you" fulfills the diversity requirement, right?

Another Kiwi said...

OMG The slack jawed yokels speak
This is a facebook page so you might not want to go there or you might not be able to. It's C.R's post on the Conswervative page and then all the fans turn up.

El Manquécito said...

Rocking the boat may lead to the oars de combat.

M. Bouffant said...

I'd like to know where
You got the notion



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