Friday, June 21, 2013

Blue Meanies Represent

Stroke of the pen: Not just the
traditional Mont Blanc Meisterstück 149
Once again an international cabal of faceless unelected unaccountable bureaucrats has wrought havoc upon traditional mores and overturned everything we hold sacred, with a single stroke of the pen. I refer of course to the International Code of Botanical Nomenclature Committee, and their determination that the Psilocybe family of fungi is a polyphenetic grouping, which shall henceforth be expunged from the records as a mistake of history whereof we shall not speak again.

Only one erstwhile branch of what is now an ex-grouping can inherit the title 'Psilocybe'... and the iron-cast Laws of Nomenclature Priority dictate this to be the branch noted for absence of blue bruising, deficiency of psilocybin, and general lack of off-one's-faciness. Conversely, toadstools which do bruise blue and do have shroomy goodness are no longer to be called 'psilocybes' under pain of condign punishment. THAT'S THE LAW, CITIZEN. And such is the unaccountability of the ICBN Committee that no avenues are open through which one might appeal the decision (although there is talk of mounting a challenge through the International Court of Justice). The mechanism of nomenclature grinds objectively and implacably as clockwork, harsh and ineluctable in the manner of cold equations and folding, spindling and mutilating, as if following a tradition or an old charter or something.

But hist! What news is this!
A recent phylogeny of stropharioid fungi by Bridge and others (2008) [...] finds that the type species of the secotioid (“stalked puffball”) genus Weraroa, W. novaezelandiae, is well-embedded within the bluing Psilocybe and a close relative of the downunder “magic mushroom,” P. subaeruginosa. This makes perfect sense, as this species is itself strongly blue-staining (presumably containing psilocin and psilocybin) and, once one gets beyond its odd secotioid appearance, it is very similar to other bluing Psilocybe. Taking note of the concepts of type and priority, the implications of this are clear: unless a thorough search of obscure mycological literature turns up an older available name, the proper name for the bluing psilocybe is Weraroa!
"...probably not a taste sought
after for culinary purposes"
The conclusion is clear. Any future discussion of psychedelic shrooms and their possible recreational consumption should refer to them with the proper term, Weraroa. Use of the older and now deprecated term will attract the attention of the Riddled legal team, Trahison & Clerisy (Gladiators-at-Law and Commissioners for Oaths). Let the record show that copyright for the name "Weraroa" has long been held by Riddled Enterprises, for as long as the time machine will travel.

UPDATED with bonus Laughing Jim, Gymnopilus junonius -- contains psilocybin but not a member of the Weraroa genus.

Laughing Jim "is incredibly bitter to the taste" but "turns green when cooked in a pan".


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Whenever I have found these fungi, they often appear to have been nibbled by some small animal - perhaps a snail or insect.

Insects need to get high, too, you know.

Substance McGravitas said...

And such is the unaccountability of the ICBN Committee that no avenues are open through which one might appeal the decision

A spaghetti meal with a well-thought-out sauce?


Cuz you'll be, like, fuckin' WHERE ARE YOU after you fuckin' take these, man.

mikey said...

No, c'mon, hey man, I'm like TOTALLY ok with that.

So now what should we call chocolate milk?

'Cause, really, you can't get half a bag of the chewy bastards down without a quart (liter?) of chocolate milk. Milkus Chokus?

Smut Clyde said...

Ah, chocolate milk. Is there anything it can't wash down?

mikey said...

It even works on Drano.

Er, or so I heard from this old guy...

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

But how will this affect the Christmas ale?