Wednesday, September 2, 2015

"A pig and a poke, a cat and a bag, and thinking and a box."
"I'll take 'Things that should remain inside' for $200, Alex."

Isn't it always the same? You wait years and years for a fictional description of the Earth's core, all about the instability of the magnetic field that holds the atmosphere in place; then three come along in 1993-1996 all at once. I am inclined to blame the Morphogenetic Field.

Opinions are divided as to exactly what would be found at world-heart were we to blast open a self-propagating crack in the crust* and send down probes the size of grapefruit (using a million-tonne liquid-iron depth-charge to wash them down rapidly through the lighter rock of the mantle). Some say "An inner core of iron-nickel alloy, in solid phase (despite the immense heat) on account of the even immenser pressure." Others say "Living creatures formed from a denser form of matter, to whom the outer rocks are as tenuous as the atmosphere to us." Others expect "A colossal insect larva that has accreted the Earth around it in the manner of a plant gall, and will split open the crust and hatch when it has fed on human flesh for long enough." Then there is the "Beast shouting love" theory, and the more speculative "Empty void containing a smaller planet, constructed as a prison for the inimical insectoid Bleak" theory.

A few are convinced by Dr J. Marvin Herndon's notion that right in the centre is a breeder georeactor 8 km in diameter, formed from uranium which concentrated there (due to its greater density) rather than dissolving in the outer layers as mainstream geochemists believe. The reactor is diluted with other minerals, and is controlled by its own fission products, which is why the chain reaction has spluttered along for four billion years rather than burning all its fuel in a single super-critical blast.

The theory resurfaced in a crappy 2004 technothriller CGI-fest. You might think that Herndon had been hired by the studio as a publicist, to lay the ground for the movie by pushing his georeactor-barrow... but I cannot possibly comment (such is the advice from the Riddled legal retainers of Trahison & Clerisy). For his protectiveness towards his maverick notions has led him to issue bumptious censorious threats of litigation against their critics. We are further advised that the word 'maverick' must occur at least once in any article or blogpost devoted to these ideas UNDER PENALTY OF LAW.

The methods employed by the Geophysics Establishment to suppress Herndon's maverickrolls have progressed... once they forced him to publish them in PNAS and the Royal Society, now they provide Current Science and the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health as outlets. The former does not lack for prestige, for it is published by a Bangalore university which describes itself as “India’s finest institution in its field”; while the latter comes from MDPI, a publisher of negotiable virtue peer-review standards, familiar to readers of Jeffrey Beall (world's toughest milkman librarian).
But meanwhile Herndon's intellectual creativity has itself found new directions, and now he has rediscovered teh CHEMTRAILS. Which are really a geo-engineering project to disperse aerosolised fly-ash in the upper atmosphere, in order to poison everyone with aluminium. As one does.
One might suspect that the Weinstein studio has belatedly hired him to publicise "Snowpiercer", though I could not possibly comment. I am too busy trying to calculate how many flies are required for the combustion.
Herndon -- of Yoyodyne Transdyne Corporation -- further espouses a version of the Expanding Earth hypothesis.** It seems that what is now 'Earth' was crushed to 63% of its present size, back in proto-solar-system times when it was the core of a gas giant. Since then it has been slowly desquashing with mantle decompression thermal tsunamis, tearing the continents apart, tectonic drift is a myth, WAKE UP SHEEPLE. I cannot even begin to imagine the forthcoming Hollywood blockbuster that he is working to publicise here.
Showing how expansion tears continents asunder

The Whackyweedia page offers further entertainment. Readers are also directed to the accompanying Discussion page. The good doctor himself makes an appearance, arguing persuasively for the significance of his contributions to the gaiety of nations (which no-one has refuted, at least not to his satisfaction), and convinces the collective Wikieditorship to let the page stand. After all, the Indian Institute of Science is "India's finest institution in its field".
* "The work required to initiate the crack is [...] equivalent to a few megatons of TNT explosive, an earthquake of magnitude 7 on the Richter scale, or a nuclear device with a capability that is within the range of those currently stockpiled."
The advocate of that plan subsequently concluded that a much larger probe, kept white-hot by a plutonium reactor to melt its way through rock in "a controlled China syndrome", would be slower-moving but more practical. Fortunately his original scheme has not gone to waste.

** There are far far crazier Expanding-Earth exponents. All this talk of “linited resources” and “conservation” is just another conspiracy to control the sheeple. Oh hi there Anita Laurin (“AL Whitney”):
Independent researcher Cliff High explained (in a recent interview) scientific principles that academicians don’t teach, but that prove we live on an ever expanding planet that actually creates its own matter – to include oxygen, water, oil and even gold.
I see her point, who would want to know about the scientific principles that academicians do teach?


Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

What if the chemtrails (autocorrect hilariously prefers "cheat rails") are really made from uranium taken from the Earth's core and sprayed into the atmosphere in accordance with (the prophecy- my kingdom for a strike tag!) the Kenyan Usurper's redistributionist policies?

Also, needs more Deros, for that Shavertronic goodness. I'm going to have to write a stern letter to Herndon.

rhwombat said...

Nice try young SC, but It's narrativium all the way down!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Pretty sure Mole People live down there, S.C.

Smut Clyde said...

I couldn't mention CODE DEEP SEVEN because classified.

M. Bouffant said...

Shhh, no DEEP SEVENs on a Google server!