Perfectly humane experiments
"Apparently it is the new paradigm of legal counselling," said Evangeline van Holsterin (chief barmaid at the Old Entomologist), glancing at the note as she collected the empty glasses from our table before Another Kiwi started stacking them up in another of his attempts to recreate the Tower of Babel out of glassware. "Treating the whole person rather than a narrow focus on winning specific cases. A range of traditional and non-western modalities of courtroom performance."
"Acupuncture complementing the cross-examination," said tigris.
"Chakra readjustment during deposition hearings," Another Kiwi suggested.
"When deciding which expert witnesses to call," read Evangeline, "they will base the choice on omens, auguries, entrail examination, and real-time observations of the movements of large mustelids." I was holding the letter towards me but years of experience at looking over from her side of the bar, and helping the patrons finish their crossword puzzles, have given Evangeline an ability to read printed messages whether they are right-way-up, or upside-down, or any other angle.
"The prosecution would never allow it, I said, imagining the scene. "They'd be all 'Objection, your honour! The defense is witnessing the badger!'”
In other badger observations, Clinchy et al. hid speakers within an English forest, and played back sound effects of various kinds during the night, to see which ones were most distressing and disturbing to badgers as they foraged.
68% of badgers were freaked out by fox barking, which reminded them of the traumatic experience when a Cunning Little Vixen pissed on them to drive them out of a sett.
The other 32% of badgers recalled a similar experience but rather enjoyed it.
82% of badgers were unfazed by weird avant-garde Penderecki compositions performed by large beetles on a Hammond organ, and indeed found them rather relaxing.
H/t Rolf Degen"The movements of large mustelids?" Another Kiwi vouchsafed. "I think they're called fiants, in the case of a badger, or spraints if it's an otter."