Tuesday, December 13, 2016

It's springtime now and cares subside
And the planting's almost done

There were random gratuitous acts of wrapping, and outbreaks of bedecking and festoonage at the Old Entomologist, and the moon was blotted out at night by the flights of reindeer and sleighs on reconnaissance expeditions. It did not take your perspicacious Riddled reporter long to recognise these as the warning signs of Christmas... which means that it is the season once again to open up the Riddled Gift Shop and offer some giving-time suggestions!

1. Self-pruning shrubbery. Perfect for every gardener. Saves no end of labour in Spring, leaving more time to lying on the grass drinking Old Sheepshagger. I have no idea why there is a stray chyron caught in the foliage like one of Charlie Brown's kites. For a small monthly retainer you can hire Another Kiwi to come out and shout at the trees occasionally, and the nice rocks in the foreground are free.

2. Apple tree. Condition uncertain as whenever AK goes out to shout at it, the naked snake lady throws apples at him. She does seem to get rid of the chyrons.

3. Trained bug-eating poultry. Make short work of hurebers, blackfly, whitefly, greenfly, yellowbacks and any other colour-coded insect pests.
For some reason the feathered little buggers will only peck at their arthropod targets if these are shaped like minims and crochets and quavers, and if they are caught on rectilinear spider-webs. I am beginning to suspect that poultry are not very smart and I sympathise with the dispirited mood of the kaka at lower right, forced into propinquity with such unintelligent company.
4. Non-pruning shrubbery is also available. We acquired the plants under the firm impression that they were grape-vines but after close inspection, Another Kiwi vouchsafed that the grape bunches are mere decorative adornments bedecking each bush, festooned around it like $mas decorations. There will be stern and forceful words with the vile Throgmorton the next time he sees fit to make an appearance. 95% naked-snake-lady free.
It has come to our attention that the Self-Pruning Shrubbery illustration was in use as a printer's mark in books from the 1530s onwards. I can only surmise that time travel was involved, and perhaps an expedition to Leiden in 1529 to procure cheap Memlings.

1 comment:

Yastreblyansky said...

I think you ought to be marketing those chyrons, which people could bring along on beach parties and picnics so they could follow the ghastly news together, instead of each of us buried in our own individual phonescreen. Much more convivial. And the musical ones could be used for outdoor bird karaoke.