Monday, October 2, 2017

Three men in black said, "Don't report this"

Christopher Exley is totally not a crazy person.

In addition to aluminating water, why, there are studies underway to aluminate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk...
Naturally the authorities are trying to hide the truth! It's what they do.
Ice-cream, Mandrake, Children's ice-cream!
Fortunately the editors of the Journal of Inorganic Biochemistry operate somewhere outside the power of the authorities, and they provide Exley with a forum. Every second November they invite him to guest-edit a Special Issue containing the proceedings of the year's Keele Meeting on Aluminium Toxicity. Yet the world ignores his warnings, and his accumulation of handcrafted artisanal evidence, no wonder he is distraught.

Chris Shaw and Lucija Tomljenovic are collaborators and regular November contributors. Shaw's papers really need to be reported in the style of Mallory Ortberg's "Two Medieval Monks Inventing Stuff".

Two Medieval Monks invent a highly delayed systemic translocation:
MONK#1: the predicted AlOH translocation didn't show up in either breed of mice

MONK#2: yeah, that shows the response was delayed in C57BL/B7 mice until outside the time-window of our experiment, it's a new phenomenon, we can write a paper

MONK#1: what about the CD1 breed of mice, they didn't show even a trace of translocation

MONK#2: it must have happened too quickly to show up in the time-window, we know the response must have happened so we'll run more experiments and stop when we see something
Two Medieval Monks invent a homeopathic inverted dose response:

MONK#1: no significant response

MONK#2: yeah there was something at the 200 Al/kg level

MONK#1: that was the lowest dose
MONK#1: practically the control condition
MONK#1: remind me how to correct for multiple comparisons

MONK#2: we don't do that, we call it a non-linear response and pretend it was what we expected
Going back to Exley's 2014 paper in Frontiers in Neurology [of course it was a Frontiers journal] with the overwrought title, inquiring minds are wondering who edited and peer-reviewed it. Surely someone should have told him that underwroughting the title would increase its credibility...

Edited by:
Christopher Ariel Shaw, University of British Columbia, Canada

Reviewed by:
Nelson Silva Filho, Universidade Estadual Paulista, Brazil
Lucija Tomljenovic, University of British Columbia, Canada

OK. There are two lessons here — first, that Frontiers is devoted to the objective of independent and disinterested peer review; and second, that the level of intellectual inbreeding within the Aluminati is so great that their brains have six fingers and play banjo.


Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I'm expecting a grift... these people offering some sort of 'chelation' therapy?

Smut Clyde said...


H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

Children's ice cream.