Sunday, February 21, 2010

The first day of the rest of your sodding life, all right

How do we know it's Monday?? Because this:
We are experiencing some difficulties with the above photocopier/printer, the serviceman has been called and will be here today.  If you need to print urgently, please use an alternative copier or else email to *** as an interim measure.
is in our inbox. This will be fixed by Friday morning, work perfectly until Friday afternoon and then die again!!! Rinse and repeat.
Does anybody in the whole world sell new photocopiers or is it a conspiracy by copier repairpersons to ensure jobs for them and their children???

29 comments:

Smut Clyde said...

In my days the university maintained a scriptorium as back-up.

mikey said...

"If you have trouble printing, are unable to print completely, suffer from interrupted pages or you need to print frequently or urgently, ask your doctor about Pisagenn"

merc said...

Never be within eye-line of a bad machine, never.

averonvo, to disagree on voice over track.

Jennifer said...

Fortunately it's still Sunday here...

merc said...

We are The Tomorrow People here.

mersed, what the sea says.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Ha Ha! (he typed, sadly).

Believe it or Don't™, I am now in the FHA department of multi-family underwriting.

This means five (5) copies of a giant fucking book (GFB) must be sent to your local HUD department for its consideration (60 days, and plus a lot, these days).

Funny thing about that: HUD is like the Post Office - they make the money that sustains them.

Needless to say, the Shrub'ites tried to destroy HUD. Had they succeeded, the Great Depression II would already be upon us.
~

fish said...

You should get a copier on Pacific Standard Time. Then it would work.

merc said...

Look, a bad machine is a bad machine.

Substance McGravitas said...

Exactly. You get out the rolled-up newspaper and smack in on the nose.

Then move to the rubber hose and on up the chain.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

are you implying, sir, that The Copier People should not have a career?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

holy moley..... you mean if I was doing HUD projects rather than Title 42, I would have to deal with THUNDERBANKER on a professional basis?

whew, dodged a trebuchet piano there.

Another Kiwi said...

are you implying, sir, that The Copier People should not have a career?
No SIr, I am saying that somewhere inthe god forsaken universe, there must, somewhere, be a new photocopier that can work for more than 20 minutes at a time before "Phew, sod this, I'm ripping up the paper and spraying ink on the wall"
That's all.
OR DO THEY SELL THEM BROKEN???

Smut Clyde said...

The visible universe is an illusion or (more precisely) a sophism. Mirrors and fatherhood AND PHOTOCOPIERS are abominable because they multiply and disseminate that universe.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Now, if one were to insert a relic, say the toe of St Athanasius, into the photocopier...

WV-podhenin... these were in Invastion of the Chicken Snatchers.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

well, I say fuck the Copier People. Let them beg the rich for cigarette butts, as is the Proper Order of things.

Another Kiwi said...

I shall be inserting the Toe of Righteousness into said machine if it doesn't buck it's ideas up.
I do not wish for the photocopying community to have to be begging on the streets. I suppose a fake industry in our fake economy is the sane reaction.

merc said...

Lookout! That Machine is a Plant.

unchelys; a goblet that wont hold any water.

Another Kiwi said...

It would at least be of some use if it was a bean plant. Who knows we could swap the beans for a cow.

merc said...

Plato forbade beans and poets. Beans because they release the essence of the Devil in the form of sulfurous gas...ergo Plato would side with the Photocopier as Ides poetry...I am sooo way out of my depth naw.

refti, what the ref wears to the bar.

Another Kiwi said...

Ah if the Photocopier could be programmed to cut and paste random pieces of peoples work, how long before it would produce Shakespeare? Also I think our one is in league with the devil without or w/o beans

Smut Clyde said...

Beans because they release the essence of the Devil in the form of sulfurous gas

Sure that wasn't the reason for banning poets?

tigris said...

That photocopier is rebelling because someone keeps pressing the [most likely stolen for some nefarious scientific purpose] Blessed Buttocks up against the glass and pressing "copy."

Another Kiwi said...

tigris is right The Holy Buttocks of St. Peasemold are missing from their case!!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

tigris is right The Holy Buttocks of St. Peasemold are missing from their case!!

Ah, yes, the patron saint of "pressed ham".

The stained glass in the good saint's cathedral is, indeed, stained glass.

fish said...

4B's has now won 1 internets to do with has he pleases.

WV is taxil, quite appropriate given the exposure going on around here.

ckc (not kc) said...

...is it a conspiracy by copier repairpersons to ensure jobs for them and their children???

...copyrepairperson is the oldest profession (according to some films that I've s..heard about)

Sebastia said...

I have carefully examined the back of our office copier and a list of ingredients was duly found:

1.Smoke (various quantities, all of a deadly hue)
2. Mirrors (1 plethora of) to be in operated in conjunction with smoke
3. Snake Oil (add to taste)
4. Various electronic bits assembled in the third world country of your choice
5. Remote Control Fuggery Device (tm)for paging photocopier repair persons for several hours at a time.
6. Automated Billing System for extracting maximum monies from client after photocopier repair persons are needlessly paged.
7. bits of random paper guaranteed to bugger up the general workings of this machine and trigger (5) & (6)

merc said...

Only pets who don't surf got banned.

spersit, scatter to the winds.

tigris said...

Ah, yes, the patron saint of "pressed ham".

Also of trouser addicts; they pray to him to mitigate the hideous effects of withdrawal. The prayer that most honors him is, "is that a pressed ham in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"