Tuesday, August 4, 2015

"I mis-heard the doctor and thought he was recommending a Xenu-transplant, which is why my butt is now stuffed with several million Thetans"

Here at Riddled we make no claim to expertise in cutting-edge exotic surgery but we strive to keep oak orrant with the latest literature. And one trend comes through from our reading of Bulgakov's 1925 case study and Li Yu's 1657 report of canine-sourced p3n1s enhancement, which is that xenotransplants always have disturbing side-effects.

Even so, we have no idea what to make of this story. Is it a joke, or a metaphor, or a misunderstanding? Or a lead-up to a joke with the punchline "Bloody near killed 'em!" ?
"I did not know what temperatures the colostomy/ poop bag would take before exploding in the sun. So the poop/colostomy bag was declined. I found a surgeon that was willing to experiment on me using a pig colon! My colon was the next installment to the next life.

"New Pig colon in place, farting was like you would not believe, but with no poop bag, yes all was good again! Doug my husband soon started to complain about my snoring!  As you know a lady does not snore! I just blamed the snoring on the pig colon! Summery: two breasts, one cervix, 2 ovaries, 1 womb, one colon, hair, all dignity, quality of life all taken away and sent to the next life in installments, it is worth mentioning that I didn’t want the breasts back!"
 The author is a professed cancer survivor who was kept alive by surgery and chemotherapy, and has since built a career out of convincing other cancer patients to eschew surgery and chemotherapy in favour of (inter alia) re-branded industrial bleach and dodgy Japanese curdled colostrum.

Oh hai there little Pig-Butt worm Chaetopterus pugaporcinus. Can we interest you in becoming someone's replacement rectum?

No you cannot interest me in... what you just said. I'm quite happy as a pelagic larva, thank you. Bobbing around in the deep ocean currents, mucus-feeding, waiting until I grow enough segments to metamorphose into a giant sediment-dwelling parchment worm. You deuterostomes are weird.


rhwombat said...

Weird and two-faced...Oh. As you were. That's duoterostomes

rhwombat said...

At least most of us are talking out of only one of our stomata.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Two breasts, one cervix, 2 ovaries, 1 womb, one pig colon, let's get together and feel alright.

Snout said...

Of course, there's nothing worse than waking up after a transplant to find an unwanted PERV up your rear end.