Monday, August 3, 2015

What fresh hell is this?
(Farnham Freehold edition)

"Wait, what?" we exclaimed. "Not another torture-porn horror movie hoeing the well-rutted row of Hostel and Turistas!?"

Words cannot express our relief to discover that the histrionic headline actually adorns a blogpost from one Amanda Mary Jewell, autodidact Senior Cancer Researcher... she is on a working holiday in Dominica but is sensing a mood of hostility among the Dominicans, who unfairly suspect her to be an exploitative grifter. Through her blog she pleads with the UK authorities for declarations of her non-grifterhood, which would greatly increase the comfort of her sojourn in Dominica while she scopes out locations for an Alt-Health cancer clinic there, safe from UK and US regulatory busybodies.

All this might come as news to those of us who last heard of Amanda and Doug Jewell only 6 weeks ago when UK Trading Standards officials dropped in on a multilevel-marketing seminar at their manor-house in Farnham, Surrey. Which may not be the buckle of the Stockbroker Belt but is at least the third hole. The visit attracted more than the usual amount of media attention as the seminar was devoted not to tupperware, nor Avon cosmetics, but rather to promoting industrial-bleach enema kits, for treating cancer or autism by burning out the intestines of the patient. Also it was held under the auspices of the Genesis II Church... this being an organisation that was founded in the hope of bringing industrial bleach under the aegis of Religious Freedom with the enema as its sacrament.

Reports of the investigation in the UK tabloid press -- with their predictably prurient focus on the whole 'enema' aspect -- are evidently what inflamed the imaginations of the child-like, easily-led Dominicans, so if Ms Jewell dies in a native uprising or is sacrificed to their giant ape deity then it will all be the fault of Trading Standards, first for the Surrey investigation, and then for not proclaiming her to be innocent of everything.

It emerges that in the interim Ms Jewell has experienced a Road-to-Meniscus conversion, and left the Church and its clyster communion behind her. In its place she has discovered (and this is what brings the whole hairball of a story into the purview of Riddled) the panaceal properties of GcMAF (You would not believe the paperwork involved in changing every "MMS" reference in the website replacing a ".com" website with one at Wordpress). Hence the move to Dominica and the plan to spread the gospel of the healing protein with a chain of clinics across the Caribbean.
Jewell noted she will be in Dominica probably until mid August and then go on to Antigua where she is also working on a project similar to the one she is hoping to set up in Dominica.
Amanda is greatly concerned about the Great Culling of GcMAF grifters. Will she become the next victim?

One thing we know about dystopian future gubblements is that they  broadcast 'killing as an organised sport' as a Reality-TV series, as panem-et-circenses to distract the masses. This always happens. It must be a tradition, or an old charter or something. Just saying, if it becomes GcMAF-dealers versus Big Pharma wet-teams, I will watch the hell out of that series.

Though if someone wants to re-make The 10th Victim they might need someone younger than Ursula Andress to play the part of Ms Jewell.

Anyways... the Bulgarian hotel / spa 'Pearl Lodge' -- where formerly the Jewells hosted dying guests on package tours where they experienced a restorative health regimen of skiing, exercise, waters and underground-bunker survivalism (and bleach enemas) -- now serves as an entry point for importing "second generation GcMAF" from the Saisei-Mirai manufactory in Japan* and distributing it across Europe. See, all above board! Though Amanda is loath to supply UK customers with the Saisei-Mirai product, instead referring them to Perhaps this is a matter of professional courtesy. Readers may remember 1stProEngineering as being one of the tangled skein of companies set up by Trevor Banks and Lesley Hutchings, to on-sell versions of GcMAF-labelled products -- sourced from FirstImmune but diluted or homeopathic but enhanced with colloidal silver or Emu oil.

Meanwhile Ms Jewell is intent on convincing the Dominicans that industrial bleach is no longer part of her artistic practice business model (although she will not go so far in her apostasy as to condemn the Genesis Church outright, for it does good work in the area of forcing bleach into children's intestines). Also:
  • Her only association with the Church's activities was to provide a room in the Farnham mansion for the use of Arch-Bishop Mark Grenon to exercise his Bishopric.
  • It wasn't even her mansion, but someone else's, where she and Doug were merely visitors themselves.
  • The investigation of the seinar by authorities was totally not a raid with all the negative connotations of that word; in fact she personally invited the inspectors in for a friendly chat.
The comment threads of the Dominica News Online reportage are a thing to behold, as lively as maggot-ridden meat, with a swarm of new commenters leaping to Ms Jewell's defense and vouching for her sterling work with orphans. I am not making this up.
* The Saisei-Mirai chain of cancer clinics in Japan offer an eclectic, non-judgemental portfolio of long-abandoned pre-chemotherapy treatments including Laetrile, Ukrain and Coley Toxins, as well as cutting-edge woo and their own special patented GcMAF-labelled product. They make enough money to buy a 2012 special issue of Nature, with 5 pages of advertorial for the chain's therapeutic options  though the issue seems to have been recently unpublished from the Nature website.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

If only she would get in on "cutting entitlements will cure all economic ills."

She'd probably be in the hunt for the 10th spot on the FAUX News extravaganza.

tigris said...

Dominica != Dominican Republic.

Smut Clyde said...

Dominica != Dominican Republic.

Thanks! Fixing now!

Another Kiwi said...

Hmm the theraputic properties of Bleach-Up-Yer-Bum need to be scientifically explored. I have a list of people who would be prime subjects.

Smut Clyde said...

The links at Nature are working again now, i.e. they have not retracted the 5-page advertorial from Saisei-Mirai. So I can go back to asking Nature why they are giving their imprimatur to cancer fraudsters.

rhwombat said...

...Forget it, Jake - it's Nature.

rhwombat said...

Smut Clyde - VampireCytokine-charlatan Hunter!

Snout said...

Amanda Mary's Bulgarian Health Restoration/Ski Resort website says she is the adoptive mother of no fewer than 17 children.

As well, she promised to take personal custody of no fewer than 5,000 euros for every customer who signs on to her 3 week regimen of "Oxygen therapy, Rife machines, Hydrogen peroxide therapy, massage therapy, acupuncture, chrystal therapy, light therapy, Chinese medicines, DMSO therapy, MMS, CDS, DCA, Gcmaf, Goliec, hormone therapy and much more".

Clearly the woman is a Saint. Will no-one THINK OF THE EUROS!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

This comment by her is a winning Nutter Bingo card:

I am not the creator of the herbs that nature provided this beautiful Island with. It is rich in natural herbs, roots and plants. Illness is not an alien that landed from space! we create it in our bodies from a new lifestyle of GMO foods, vaccines, chemical drugs, pollutants, chem trails and much more. If anyone here really thinks I am about money, then they clearly have never done any research or know me!

Gotta watch out for those chemical drugs, doncha know. I do feel a bit let down, though, because she hasn't mentioned the Annunaki or the Super-Science of Mu.

tigris said...

"we create it in our bodies from a new lifestyle of GMO foods, vaccines, chemical drugs, pollutants, chem trails and much more."

It's true, people used to NEVER get sick, which is why we had so many thousand-year olds before vaccines.

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

The nuns in Dominica sing better out of habit.

Smut Clyde said...

she is the adoptive mother of no fewer than 17 children.

Harrumph. Do that with cats and everyone calls you a "pet hoarder". IS THAT JUSTICE!?