Friday, March 18, 2016

Not to go on all-fours; that is the Law. Are we not Men?
Not to suck up Drink; that is the Law. Are we not Men?
Not to leave suckers in possession of their money, that is the Law. Are we not Men?
#2 is more of a guideline
than a rigid directive

So there was this flurry of speculation a few years ago, as to who might be behind the ArcSurvival scam. Which was aimed at a small audience of guileless suckers who combined (a) terrified belief in the vague menaces of New-Age / Pop-culture apocalyptic bafflegab, (b) relieved belief in strangers who offered to save them with promises of technological omnipotence, and (c) possession of several million Euros in disposable wealth. Not a large Venn Diagram intersection there, so the speculation included whether ArcSurvival was a real (but incompetent) con or a parody of one, a travesty of a burlesque if not vice versa.

Left: As advertised in New Scientist

Right: as advertised in Private Eye

Now at Riddled Research Laboratory we pride ourselves on our expertise in the construction of Arks, for escaping the End of Civilisation As We Know It; and it would be nice if your humble staff could boast that we participated in the debate. The truth, alas, is that at in January 2011 we were primarily engaged in ranting about zorbs, Morris dancing and Mooses. We only learned of Arksurvival belatedly, via a comment on an old thread from helpful brownie 'Anonymous'.

The entry page of must be read in a Dr Evil voice for proper effect:
If you do not have expendable liquid funds available to you, to cover as a minimum of one point five million euros for each member of your family, please do not continue.
I failed the test but continued anyway, and learned much about the nature of the coming catastrophe, which appears to incorporate plot elements from Gordon Dickson.
This is the long time planned and thought out new world of the few (many names including, Knights of Malta, Knights of the Templar, Bilderburg group, Illuminati, and so on Reptilian hybrids, shape shifters, etc, etc) It is quite well known that a large segment of these entities have been living underground for thousands of years, feeding off the surface in terms of energy, food, etc etc.
The refuge itself is a "survival village in the safest place on earth. The village will be completely unknown to the outside world, and is a long distance from any habitation. It can not be detected by land or air and will always remain that way." There will be hydroponics, and homeopathic healing to guarantee the health of the passengers, and eugenic selection of an elite population of Nordic purity, and Free Energy technology, and evacuation via "high speed, long distance helicopter’s", and an impenetrable electric fence to keep out the Aberrations, I saw that series.
The whole thing is as mad as a barrel of green squirrels dancing a jig on a giant blue flower. It goes past the stage of mere barking madness into "entire wolfpack howling at the moon" territory, and you must read it now, preferably with Amon Düül II playing in the background. It all speaks of a fantasy life comparable only in its richness with Baron Merlona of Melbourne, but written with the blithe unconcern for practicalities of an 8-year-old child.

Although the authors missed a few tricks through their unfamiliarity with the word 'arcology'.* Nor were they aware of two crucial narrative traditions in the preservation of a tiny vestige of civilisation. First, the best way to isolate the Ark from a world of conflagration is in space;
and second, that lifeboats always have one passenger who is the agent of an evil ideology devoted to the destruction of all we hold dear. No-one knows why. It must be a tradition, or an old charter or something.

Many of the tropes are sourced from the recurring theme of the Libertarian Utopia. These have been variously advertised in Idaho (the Citadel scam), or in a desert in Chile (oops, water rights and land occupancy sold separately), or on a sand-bar in the Pacific belonging to someone else, or aboard a ferro-cement barge. How does a ship made of concrete and rebar catch fire? It is a mystery.

After each con the suckers are sadder and poorer, but no wiser. They console themselves with the thought that libertarianism is such a rational, geometrically-logical philosophy / economic system that the next gaggle of grifters soliciting subscriptions to a Utopia of Selfishness will be motivated by their own self-interest to make it work, rather than just to take the money for a moonlight flit.

The Arksurvival Utopia was a product of its time, piggybacking on an ephemeral pop-culture deadline for EOCAWKI. 2012 was a golden age (as it were) of prepare-for-disaster gold-pimping. Since then the website has fallen into desuetude, leaving only those records we could salvage with the Riddled Time- Wayback Machine. Which deprives us of the opportunity to participate in the poll that opens later recensions of the Doomsday Countdown:
How you think apocalypse will happen?
Now on the one hand, some potential customers might have placed slightly more confidence in the people from whom they were buying protection from catastrophe if those people projected a greater sense of knowledgeable authority in the nature of that catastrophe. On the other hand, everyone appreciates an interest in one's opinions, and voting in an on-line poll can foster a sense of investment and ownership. On the prehensile tail, the options on offer do not include my personal EndCiv scenario, "Jaguars falling from the sky".

ANYWAY... the email address for negotiating one's berth on the Ark of Survival was saved; it was "". Against all odds, that address is still extant, and is that of Amanda Law or Amanda Mary Heath or Amanda Mary Jewell -- GcMAF Entrepreneur and Friend of Riddled. She uses it to accept donations on behalf of the people she is curing from cancer, so that they might continue their expensive treatment.

Back in 2012, Amanda Mary and Douglas Jewell were based in Bulgaria, within the colony there of UK ex-pats, and fond memories linger on. Suffice to say that there was drama. And it transpires that was registered to "", at an address in Cornwall, but hosted on a server in Bulgaria. Allowing one to hazard a guess that the last redoubt of civilisation in the midst of the New Dark Age will be Bulgarian in nature. Possibly the Health Restoration Centre in Smolyan, or the Stoikite Orphanage.

It would certainly have been useful for powering the Redoubt that Douglas William Jewell was CEO of Pearl Engineering at the time, and an expert in renewable energy.
We are the only company with the depth of experience to provide a fully turnkey renewable energy investment package, with investments ranging from 1,000,000. Euros to 2,000,000,000. Billion.
It does not seem that Doug found the investors with the ‎€16,400,000 for his 12-Megawatt windfarm development. Perhaps the turbines required upgrading to strengthen them against the impact of falling jaguars. Surprisingly, he does not mention his Vacuum-Energy technology.

Amanda now appears to reside in Mexico, as Healing Oracle and GcMAF Oracle, offering the intravenous GcMAF cancer cure as "Holistic health adviser and Cancer researcher" at La Flor de la Salud. That being a quackery clinic that started out by diagnosing slipped discs as the cause of all physical ailments and offering surgical treatment for slipped discs, later adding ozone, chelation, acupuncture, neuro-focal odontology and many other modalities of money-removal (although no-one has informed the quacks of Amanda Mary's presence on their staff).

And there was drama -- with a seminar advertised in Florida, "on taking control of your health", only to be cancelled at the last minute "due to the very recent and mysterious deaths of two holistic doctors in Florida during the last two weeks".**

It is not clear how she continues to treat her UK clients from Mexico, but many months have passed since the last appeals for funds on behalf of Anne Pharo and Freddie Mansfield, so it may be that this is no longer an issue.
* "An Arcology is a very large building with a self-contained ecology and a high population density, built in the shape of a rainbow."

** Not a rip-off; "Anyone who has already paid a deposit for the seminar will be automatically entered into the video course OR you may request a refund."


H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

I, for one, am heartily in favor of the speedy construction and launch of a B Ark.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

With the advent of personal phones, there's no longer a need for telephone sanitizers.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Also, too... no deros? I am disappoint.

Smut Clyde said...

Also, too... no deros?

Amanda Mary and Doug are only loosely acquainted with the relevant literature. Their survey of apocalypse scenarios would not have passed a proper peer review.