Friday, May 27, 2016

Now that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Delbruck's?
Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?
Then you won't be angry?
I will NOT be angry.
Abby someone.
Abby someone. Abby who?
Abby... Normal.
Abby Normal?
I'm almost sure that was the name.

It was all very well for Professor Martial Canterel to reanimate electrical activity in Danton's mummified brain, training a depilated Siamese cat to deliver a massive current to the dissected head, both being submerged in a tank of oxygenated, breathable aqua micans.

The plausibility of Canterel's claims has been challenged. But am I permitted to replicate his demonstration, under the auspices of the Riddled Research Laboratory and the Mad Scientist Anti-Defamation League? AM I BOG-ROLL. For that was a century ago and ethical standards for animal experimentation have moved on. The Frau Doktorin has made it abundantly clear (with gestures and diagrams) that any evidence of Siamese hair-loss and she will not be well-pleased, with or without subsequent submergence, however convincing and innocent the coincidental, circumstantial explanation I might provide. BLEEDING HEART LIBERALS HOLDING BACK PROGRESS.

To make it all the more galling, to heap insult upon Ossa and pile Pelion upon injury, we read in a reputable journal that Dr Persinger (whom FSM preserve) of Ontario -- our old rival -- has stolen a march on us, obtaining dramatic results by passing currents through two-decade-old slices of pickled cerebrum.

There must never be a dull moment, if you're one of Persinger's doctorate students. When you're not withdrawing archival brains and laying the slices out on the slab all wired up to the signal generator and the oscilloscope, you're coating plastic skulls inside and out with lavers of conductive dough.

Bonus reanimated Danton-brain:

"Chaotic snatches of speech repeated ad nauseam"? This sounds familiar.
Perhaps Trump's toupee is there to hide the electrodes.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Let it be known now that Siamese cats are one of the croc's major predators.

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

Relevant image.

Smut Clyde said...

Siamese cats are one of the croc's major predators.

That Siamese cat is, anyway. It has been a bad bad croc and it must be punished.

M. Bouffant said...

Chronic Brain Syndrome.