Thursday, April 19, 2018

You can't handle the truth

There has not been enough Stupid at Riddled lately, so Another Kiwi and I took ourselves down to the Army-Navy Surplus store to check their shelves for any surplus Milspec Stupid. And behold, they were offering a Three-for-One deal! Part One of the package was "Swissindo", which did not come in khaki nor in the alpine camouflage pattern that I prefer as flattering to my complexion, but I think you will like it anyway.

But first I must apprise you of the news that Jeremy Ayres and Clive de Carle have teamed up to fight crime cure disease, combat the scourge of Wallet Inflation Synrome, and operate the 'NaturallyBetter' broadcasting service (which is to say, a collection of videos on the YouTuba). You should probably have been informed earlier, for they are both old friends of Riddled. Anyway, they comprise Part Two of this parade of poppycock. But we cannot linger on them yet, for there is still the third installment to introduce... though it is hard to sum up neatly, and it deserves a post of its own.

In fact it has attracted an entire website, for I write of the Hoaxtead phenomenon -- a kind of flashmob of New-Age conspiracist-ideation Truthers.

Hoaxtead is a social pearl... accreted in layers around its irritant core, a squalid little episode when some lady co-authored an accusation against her erstwhile partner, that he was a Satanic Ritual Abuser, in order to write him out of their children's lives. The allegation went quickly tits-up and ended with the key fabulists departing swiftly to be garbage people somewhere else. Yet it also lingers on, with anonymous denunciations, and restraining orders, and loitering near schools to Protect the Children. For just as carrion flies are drawn to the delightful bouquet of cadaverine and putrescine, arriving at the carcass in distinct waves or cohorts [as any fule kno, who has watched CSI TV, or attended "Forensic Entomology Quiz Night" at the Old Entomologist], so sundry hoaxers, griefers, stalkers and scammers converged on Hampstead or emerged from their basements, drawn by the prospect of Drama, and the chance to project their own obsessions onto a situation that was unencumbered with tiresome facts.*

This has all been watched and documented by the Loonspotters at Hoaxtead Research. You should browse the site: it captures the entire Truther Alt-Reality ecosystem, in microcosm. There are some familiar names to encounter (as is inevitable in the subculture no matter which rabbit-hole you start down, on account of "grifter gravitation"). But here we are only concerned with one relatively-central protagonist, Neelu Berry of the clan of Chaudhari.

For Neelu does not believe in the UK financial system, nor in repaying loans, nor in the legitimacy of courts (although they continue to believe in her), because the Swissindo scam is her armour and her sword.

Artist's impression of M-1's coronation
This Swissindo trichobezoar is equally hard to unravel. It is an outgrowth of the old Nigerian Prince scam, hybridised with the "Philippine Gold" Macguffin from Cryptonomicon, (and a few worship words from The Matrix). but vastly upscaled so that the concealed fortune dates back to the God-Kings of the Indonesian Empire of yore, and is large enough to pay the debts of every one of us [11 million tonnes of gold & platinum], transforming us into fully-enfranchised Freeman Sovereign Citizens. Ushering in a radiant future of universal prosperity and freedom where governments and banks fall away like theatrical backdrops and all 128 royal families of the world kneel before M-1, King of Kings, true heir of Soekarno. I am not making this up. The "Swiss" part of the name is not entirely clear. I imagine it was chosen to evoke connotations of some kind... perhaps the Helvetian reputation for rectitude, or the Swiss-banker reputation for secrecy and principled disinterest in the sources of deposits, or just something about fondue.
Truthers are such easy prey
Until that happy day arrives (in August 2015), you can buy certificates of financial enfranchisement that will confound the bailiffs and bill collectors and drive them weeping from your door. This has Whatted all my Fucks and possibly vice versa, but it goes down like a cup of Free Energy Technology with the New-Age-Libertarian create-yer-own-reality crowd. With the exception of rival burn-it-all-down Chiliasts who have their own New Economic Order systems and are swift to denounce Swissindo as a distracting mercenary scam.

Remember Simon / Sacha Stone, of the New Earth Nation and Humanitad and Bio-arc Housing and the QT-π Free Energy generator? -- his business activities include pimping a new immortality drug from Marco Ruggiero, which is why Dora brought him to Riddled attention.

Sacha is sympathetic to the Swissindo farrago, and willing to learn from it, and he claims to be working with its creator.
I watched a video on the CCN network, a platform created by Mel Ve and her husband Rich, who were delegates of SwissIndo, it was a discussion between Heather and Sacha Stone. In the interview Sacha revealed that Sino had contacted him and asked for him to draft up a ‘law’ system..
This does not auger well (as the Bride of Pinocchio complained to Geppetto after the honeymoon, in the lesser-known sequel), for these End-of-Days movements always end badly. When the Millennium fails to arrive it must have been sabotaged by counter-revolutionaries and rootless cosmopolitans, and the people at the top of the Ponzi Pyramid are ordering successive waves of executions before you can say "Eliminationist".
With the backstories in place and all the ledes exhumed, it makes sense to return at last to the Naturally Better media giant / webshop... its principals have tethered themselves to Swissindo, like a Ship of Fools with a Dinghy of Dipsticks in tow.
Click to embiggen

India Irie Sanatana Dharma appears to be the chief exponent of Swissindo at NBtv. She is also cinematographer of Youtubers, and Co-Founder, Network Manager, Human Resources/Public Relations for the broadcasting colossus. She has renounced her original slave-name of India Merkerson, using it only when contributing to the Swissindo website [coincidentally, the old name features on police blotters for fraudulence and felonies... mainly in Florida, because alliteration].

In the context of a webshop catering to Gullible-Americans, the Swissindo belief system has the useful sub-text of reminding customers not to fash themselves about taking on more debt, because all will be repaid come the Jubilee. You may enjoy this PUBLIC NOTICE, larded with Worship Words and reverse etymology [dis-ease, toc-sick] and written in ALL-CAPS to signal the Sovereign-Citizenship-friendliness of the shop, the typographical equivalent of a rainbow.
Bonus Jubilee
Of the other NBtv principals, Jeremy Ayres and Clive de Carle were once low-level dealers in the distribution chain for GcMAF and Bravo Magic Yoghurt and Rerum (each one more panaceal than the one before), which is how they came previously to our attention at Riddled Research Laboratory. However, the now-deprecated GcMAF no longer features in their joint artistic practice. In its place, please admire "Rebounders" -- lymph-flow-unblocking weight-loss appliances, easily confused with a trampoline. Nor should we forget the Pocket Orgonite for turning electrosmog EMF into Orgone Energy. Orgonites are like Crystals, but are even more natural, consisting of random sparkly crap set in resin.

When last encountered, Ayres was boasting of a bait-shop beach-house luxurious clinic in Barbados, while fostering the impression that he was a partner in the Noakes / Ruggiero cash-extraction facility in Switzerland. He affected the title of "Doctor", having acquired a qualification in a discipline of his own invention -- "Neuropractics", a bricolage of fragments from osteopathy, naturopathy, chiroquacktice and bong hits. In contrast, de Carle prefers the title "Health Guru", so put 'Hg' in front of his name when addressing him formally. He traded mainly as The Secret Health Club, where as well as GcMAF he offered Bio Resonance remote-healing-atta-distance through proprietary Scalar Technology, £49 per yearly subscription. He also sold many products through his "Ancient Purity" wigwam webstore (styled in the Tribal Wisdom theme) a.k.a. TheHealthRevolution, including artisanal ashes and dirt, and you could probably acquire a Virtual Spirit Animal there, but I will not swear to that. Then there was RareandBrave [curing autism]. The range of domain names he had registered at the same time speaks of a versatile, ecumenical openness to any arena of potential consumer spending.

"But what", you ask, "of the clinic / healing centre / teaching Multiversity that Ayres offered on the Yucatan, on donated Mayan land, close to sustainable permaculture sources of organic foodstuffs?" All described as actuality but worded as aspirational:
"The students will be trained in the philosophies, sciences, arts and practices of Classical Osteopathy, Chiropractics and Naturopathy as well as an ever-evolving course based on the conference input." "The restaurant facilities will offer a premium dining experience, in line with the Naturally Better Healthy Lifestyle™, by creating delicious, nutritionally complete, highly alkaline based, healing food menus, using local and seasonal, local organic ingredients (where possible), for the clients, staff and conference guests."
Alas, the website soliciting funds for its construction has folded and vanished in the manner of Bedouin tents, leaving open the question of the final disposal of donations. A page at the current webstore continues to invite moneys, but for full details of the grandiose plan -- born from the unnatural union of one of Bruno Taut's crystal alpine fantasies, and a buzzsaw -- one must turn to the Wayback machine. Rather than stealing a sketch from the Interweave, Ayres should have consulted Sacha Stone's Bio-Arc visionary-architecture sideline.

Returning to Hg de Carle... according to one exercise in rectal sourcing, he
trained in natural healing in his twenties and worked in ophthalmic optics for fifteen years and then for ten years and ran an organic farm
No doubt for reasons of space, those decades are omitted from the biographical details of his career he retconned to mark the promotion to NaturallyBetter... or rather his careers, for he has triumphed and accrued fortunes across the full span of human accomplishment. See below for the full autohagiography, which is too good to be left as just a link.¹ Until he met and conquered the final challenge -- himself -- and taught himself the secrets of spiritual wellness, in a biography reminiscent of Harrison Wintergreen. One can only wonder why, now de Carle has mastered his own body, why he chooses to look like Creepy Uncle Ernie who is no longer in charge of a scout troop.

For a while "The Health Revolution" was a series of YouTubers as well as a webshop; all these Alt-Reality gobshites think of themselves as broadcasters and never tire of the journalist cosplay. This "programme" was a collaboration with Brian Gerrish, a.k.a. "UK Column", a Gollum look-alike Truther whose sincerity and honesty have sometimes been called into question. And to tie it all nicely together, UK Column is up to its thighs in the Hoaxtead farrago. Huzzah!

Originally Ayres and de Carle both hailed from the UK, though they have travelled extensively, citizens of the world, learning modalities of wisdom from every ancient tradition, never staying in one jurisdiction for long.

A physical location for this particular media giant is hard to specify. A disclaimer at the webshop refers us for authentication to a Canadian company, Naturally Better (Canada) Ltd, although that entity was evidently dissolved last year "for non-compliance". Company records offer a Barbados address for Jeremy Ayres. Natalie Kong (the other director, also Mrs Ayres) gave a Canadian address, but if her Faceborg page is to be believed, she resides in Mexico and sells Pocket Orgonites by harnessing the power of Lorem Ipsum.

* The latest wave of parasites to set up a sideshow on the fringes of the Hoaxtead Circus is the International Court of Natural Justice -- another of the sovereign-citizen activities comprising Sacha Stone's portfolio of pelf. It seems that one can set out to explore the New-Age / Truther network through any portal and soon be sure of encountering familiar faces. I do not advise anything like "connect the dots, sheeple!", for if you try that with these people's tangled associations then you will wind up with something like the Parisian Metro map, or like that time the cat shat out a whole gutfull of threadworms at once. It will suffice to admire the dots themselves, such as Chief Justice Sir John Walsh of Brannagh. Or John B. Gilmore, Chairman of the Global Monetary Authority. There is a kind of Platonic perfection to their glorious fabulatory self-regard.

Anyway, your donations to the ITNJ will help them Help the Children and secure Justice, and hold hearings on child sexual trafficking. With a “Judicial Commission of Inquiry into Human Trafficking and Child Sex Abuse”, I am not making this up.

Whom am I fooling? They're there to hold talkings; hearing is not their area of expertise.

You may also recall HopeGirl, who travels the world bestowing the transformative technology of Self-Empowering Energy Generators on freedom aspirants everywhere. Sadly, the generators never seem to continue working once they are unplugged from the mains, despite hours of not-so-free tutorial advice in on-line HopeGirl consultations. Her contributions to Hoaxtead are late, and peripheral, but inevitable.
1. Clive de Carle, Founder of The Health Revolution
Clive de Carle is one of the world’s foremost experts in optimum health and mental performance. For over 20 years he has dedicated himself to the pursuit of mental and physical high performance optimisation, providing cutting edge dietary consultancy and enabling thousands of clients to reverse the signs of illness and regain optimum health.
Clive has travelled the world studying the diets and lifestyles of the world’s longest lived peoples and investigating the very best sources of nutrient rich foods and supplements. Through this Clive has developed a range of high-grade health products during his tenure as co-founder and member of Ancient Purity.
Throughout the 80s and 90s Clive proved himself as a successful business entrepreneur. In 1986 he established England’s largest and most successful manufacturer of contact lenses, which was sold in 1996 to Johnson & Johnson.
In 1991 he also moved into the high-performance car industry, becoming the first najor importer of cutting-edge Japanese technology to the UK motor industry to the UK, that were not normally available outside of Japan, unvailing a series of high performance cars at the Earl’s Court motor show in 1991 and featured on Top Gear revealing technological breakthroughs in the motor industry.
Clive then invested into a 40 acre, fully off grid organic farm in Spain, pioneering sustainable farming methods which enabled him to achieve double the profitability of the land using fully sustainable ancient and modern techniques and technologies while deepening his understanding of the relationship between food production, nutritional content and optimum health.
Following this, Clive discovered new revolutionary voice-activated mindmapping software and set up a buisiness providing cutting-edge lie detection services to the banking and insurance industries. His services were so successful in detecting fraud that he found himself heavily courted by the security services. of several countries.
However, Clive’s passion for achieving peak health through natural means was triggered initially by a major health crisis in 1986. A healthy man of 32,Clive was prescribed a couse of anti-biotics by his doctor for a skin condition, which left him hospitalised with Type 1 diabetes and advanced rhumatoid arthritis with no hope of a cure.
With the doctors unable to help, Clive to seek out the advice of nutritional health guru Patrick Holford, author of over 20 books on health and founder of The institute of optimal nutrition…. who explained to him that he was suffering from a nutritional deficiency, not a shortage of drugs and surgery as the doctors had suggested. By following Holford’s nutritional advice, within one year Clive found he had completely reversed the arthritis.
Clive took a second hit to his health in 2003 when a traumatic divorce left him at an all-time low, suffering from depression, mental exhaustion, emotional trauma, loosing focus, vision and drive. However, once again, Clive decided to take his health into his own hands and with the help of self-hypnosis and intelligent mind management he was able to reestablish his focus and his emotional health.
Since then, Clive decided to focus on health as he realised that without your health you have nothing. Through Clive’s work, thousands of people who conventional medicine were told were incurable have now recovered their health using natural means, including those suffering from advanced terminal diseases.
In Clive’s own words, ‘In essence, I study wellness while doctors study illness, drugs, radiation and surgery. Doctors do not study health and usually only spend half a day on the vital subject of nutrition. The benefits from vibrant good health are well-known to us all but few realize what the basic rules are and just how simple they are to follow’.


rhwombat said...

Well, that neatly described a fuckton of excrement. I was vaguely aware of the Flashman of Norfolk Island, but this documents folly beyond even his scope.

BTW - can we borrow your PM? Ours has fucked up again, and may have to replace the corgis . Yours is much nicer.

Smut Clyde said...

Sir / Dr / Mr Walsh of Norfolk Island is a prize specimen, with his unsurpassed capacity for running up debts and his shameless portfolio of scams, but the whole of the "International Tribunal" is a target-rich environment.

The post could have been three times the length but a lot of peripheral grifters ended up on the cutting-room floor.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

The "Swiss" part of the name is not entirely clear.

It's guaranteed to cure trypophobia.

mistah charley, ph.d. said...

speaking of switzerland, i have only recently learned that mongolia is the switzerland of asia - this came up in the context of a discussion of where the presidents of the u.s. and north korea may meet for their upcoming summit

and speaking of mongolia:

Mongolian barbecue - Wikipedia

Mongolian barbecue is a stir fried dish that was developed in Taiwanese restaurants beginning in the early 1950s. Meat and vegetables are cooked on large, round, solid iron griddles at temperatures of up to 300 °C (572 °F). Despite its name, the cuisine is not Mongolian, and is only loosely related to barbecue.

Emma said...

One of these days I'm going to have internet access for longer than three hours at a time every other week.

as the Bride of Pinocchio complained to Geppetto after the honeymoon, in the lesser-known sequel
You're a bad man.

trained in natural healing in his twenties and worked in ophthalmic optics for fifteen years and then for ten years
A pedestrian shaman might've claimed he trained in natural healing ophthalmic optics for twenty-five years. That's how they get you!!!!!!!

The benefits from vibrant good health are well-known to us all but few realize what the basic rules are and just how simple they are to follow

I have so many new things to read, now! These poor creepy freaks. And here I was gearing up to blog about Eric Drexler, who looks sedate and magisterial next to people who have combined universal debt forgiveness with the Day of Jubilation, luxury probiotics, mind control, and the real-time resurrection of East Asian King Arthur.

TRUE STORY: I would voluntarily give money to any deranged health guru who claimed to be mediocre at the job. "Well, I think I healed a ganglion cyst one time; it's kind of hard to tell, though, you know what I mean. I also attended Harvard, Oxford, Cambridge, Princeton, and the Old University of Louvain simultaneously, but I was 30th out of 48 sitting students & only three of us happened to be occupying a contemporaneous astral plane. I mean, I do think I'm quite good at being the scion of light and perfection in the universe, but I can admit that there might be someone better. You know what they call guy who was last in his class at the Lord Christ Jesus Of The Angels And Plastic Quartz Truth And Justice Cancer Academy? Hg."

Do antibiotics routinely give people in their 30s Type-I diabetes?

P.S. — That 'Australian' link is paywalled.

Smut Clyde said...

Buggrit with the Australian. The paywall seems to come and go. I will try to find an accessible cache.

Smut Clyde said...

Try this cached version in your next fortnightly three-hour Interlattice access. Truth to tell, you're not missing very much.