You can't handle the truth

There has not been enough Stupid at Riddled lately, so Another Kiwi and I took ourselves down to the Army-Navy Surplus store to check their shelves for any surplus Milspec Stupid. And behold, they were offering a Three-for-One deal! Part One of the package was "Swissindo", which did not come in khaki nor in the alpine camouflage pattern that I prefer as flattering to my complexion, but I think you will like it anyway.

But first I must apprise you of the news that Jeremy Ayres and Clive de Carle have teamed up to fight crime cure disease, combat the scourge of Wallet Inflation Synrome, and operate the 'NaturallyBetter' broadcasting service (which is to say, a collection of videos on the YouTuba). You should probably have been informed earlier, for they are both old friends of Riddled. Anyway, they comprise Part Two of this parade of poppycock. But we cannot linger on them yet, for there is still the third installment to introduce... though it is hard to sum up neatly, and it deserves a post of its own.

In fact it has attracted an entire website, for I write of the Hoaxtead phenomenon -- a kind of flashmob of New-Age conspiracist-ideation Truthers.

Hoaxtead is a social pearl... accreted in layers around its irritant core, a squalid little episode when some lady co-authored an accusation against her erstwhile partner, that he was a Satanic Ritual Abuser, in order to write him out of their children's lives. The allegation went quickly tits-up and ended with the key fabulists departing swiftly to be garbage people somewhere else. Yet it also lingers on, with anonymous denunciations, and restraining orders, and loitering near schools to Protect the Children. For just as carrion flies are drawn to the delightful bouquet of cadaverine and putrescine, arriving at the carcass in distinct waves or cohorts [as any fule kno, who has watched CSI TV, or attended "Forensic Entomology Quiz Night" at the Old Entomologist], so sundry hoaxers, griefers, stalkers and scammers converged on Hampstead or emerged from their basements, drawn by the prospect of Drama, and the chance to project their own obsessions onto a situation that was unencumbered with tiresome facts.*

This has all been watched and documented by the Loonspotters at Hoaxtead Research. You should browse the site: it captures the entire Truther Alt-Reality ecosystem, in microcosm. There are some familiar names to encounter (as is inevitable in the subculture no matter which rabbit-hole you start down, on account of "grifter gravitation"). But here we are only concerned with one relatively-central protagonist, Neelu Berry of the clan of Chaudhari.

"False charge of vexing a priest"

For Neelu does not believe in the UK financial system, nor in repaying loans, nor in the legitimacy of courts (although they continue to believe in her), because the Swissindo scam is her armour and her sword.

Artist's impression of M-1's coronation

This Swissindo trichobezoar is equally hard to unravel. It is an outgrowth of the old Nigerian Prince scam, hybridised with the "Philippine Gold" Macguffin from Cryptonomicon, (and a few worship words from The Matrix). but vastly upscaled so that the concealed fortune dates back to the God-Kings of the Indonesian Empire of yore, and is large enough to pay the debts of every one of us [11 million tonnes of gold & platinum], transforming us into fully-enfranchised Freeman Sovereign Citizens. Ushering in a radiant future of universal prosperity and freedom where governments and banks fall away like theatrical backdrops and all 128 royal families of the world kneel before M-1, King of Kings, true heir of Soekarno. I am not making this up. The "Swiss" part of the name is not entirely clear. I imagine it was chosen to evoke connotations of some kind... perhaps the Helvetian reputation for rectitude, or the Swiss-banker reputation for secrecy and principled disinterest in the sources of deposits, or just something about fondue.

Truthers are such easy prey

Until that happy day arrives (in August 2015), you can buy certificates of financial enfranchisement that will confound the bailiffs and bill collectors and drive them weeping from your door. This has Whatted all my Fucks and possibly vice versa, but it goes down like a cup of Free Energy Technology with the New-Age-Libertarian create-yer-own-reality crowd. With the exception of rival burn-it-all-down Chiliasts who have their own New Economic Order systems and are swift to denounce Swissindo as a distracting mercenary scam.

Remember Simon / Sacha Stone, of the New Earth Nation and Humanitad and Bio-arc Housing and the QT-π Free Energy generator? -- his business activities include pimping a new immortality drug from Marco Ruggiero, which is why Dora brought him to Riddled attention.



Sacha is sympathetic to the Swissindo farrago, and willing to learn from it, and he claims to be working with its creator.

I watched a video on the CCN network, a platform created by Mel Ve and her husband Rich, who were delegates of SwissIndo, it was a discussion between Heather and Sacha Stone. In the interview Sacha revealed that Sino had contacted him and asked for him to draft up a ‘law’ system..

This does not auger well (as the Bride of Pinocchio complained to Geppetto after the honeymoon, in the lesser-known sequel), for these End-of-Days movements always end badly. When the Millennium fails to arrive it must have been sabotaged by counter-revolutionaries and rootless cosmopolitans, and the people at the top of the Ponzi Pyramid are ordering successive waves of executions before you can say "Eliminationist".

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With the backstories in place and all the ledes exhumed, it makes sense to return at last to the Naturally Better media giant / webshop... its principals have tethered themselves to Swissindo, like a Ship of Fools with a Dinghy of Dipsticks in tow.

Click to embiggen

India Irie Sanatana Dharma appears to be the chief exponent of Swissindo at NBtv. She is also cinematographer of Youtubers, and Co-Founder, Network Manager, Human Resources/Public Relations for the broadcasting colossus. She has renounced her original slave-name of India Merkerson, using it only when contributing to the Swissindo website [coincidentally, the old name features on police blotters for fraudulence and felonies... mainly in Florida, because alliteration].

In the context of a webshop catering to Gullible-Americans, the Swissindo belief system has the useful sub-text of reminding customers not to fash themselves about taking on more debt, because all will be repaid come the Jubilee. You may enjoy this PUBLIC NOTICE, larded with Worship Words and reverse etymology [dis-ease, toc-sick] and written in ALL-CAPS to signal the Sovereign-Citizenship-friendliness of the shop, the typographical equivalent of a rainbow.

Bonus Jubilee

Of the other NBtv principals, Jeremy Ayres and Clive de Carle were once low-level dealers in the distribution chain for GcMAF and Bravo Magic Yoghurt and Rerum (each one more panaceal than the one before), which is how they came previously to our attention at Riddled Research Laboratory. However, the now-deprecated GcMAF no longer features in their joint artistic practice. In its place, please admire "Rebounders" -- lymph-flow-unblocking weight-loss appliances, easily confused with a trampoline. Nor should we forget the Pocket Orgonite for turning electrosmog EMF into Orgone Energy. Orgonites are like Crystals, but are even more natural, consisting of random sparkly crap set in resin.



When last encountered, Ayres was boasting of a bait-shop beach-house luxurious clinic in Barbados, while fostering the impression that he was a partner in the Noakes / Ruggiero cash-extraction facility in Switzerland. He affected the title of "Doctor", having acquired a qualification in a discipline of his own invention -- "Neuropractics", a bricolage of fragments from osteopathy, naturopathy, chiroquacktice and bong hits. In contrast, de Carle prefers the title "Health Guru", so put 'Hg' in front of his name when addressing him formally. He traded mainly as The Secret Health Club, where as well as GcMAF he offered Bio Resonance remote-healing-atta-distance through proprietary Scalar Technology, £49 per yearly subscription. He also sold many products through his "Ancient Purity" wigwam webstore (styled in the Tribal Wisdom theme) a.k.a. TheHealthRevolution, including artisanal ashes and dirt, and you could probably acquire a Virtual Spirit Animal there, but I will not swear to that. Then there was RareandBrave [curing autism]. The range of domain names he had registered at the same time speaks of a versatile, ecumenical openness to any arena of potential consumer spending.

"But what", you ask, "of the clinic / healing centre / teaching Multiversity that Ayres offered on the Yucatan, on donated Mayan land, close to sustainable permaculture sources of organic foodstuffs?" All described as actuality but worded as aspirational:

"The students will be trained in the philosophies, sciences, arts and practices of Classical Osteopathy, Chiropractics and Naturopathy as well as an ever-evolving course based on the conference input." "The restaurant facilities will offer a premium dining experience, in line with the Naturally Better Healthy Lifestyle™, by creating delicious, nutritionally complete, highly alkaline based, healing food menus, using local and seasonal, local organic ingredients (where possible), for the clients, staff and conference guests."

Alas, the website soliciting funds for its construction has folded and vanished in the manner of Bedouin tents, leaving open the question of the final disposal of donations. A page at the current webstore continues to invite moneys, but for full details of the grandiose plan -- born from the unnatural union of one of Bruno Taut's crystal alpine fantasies, and a buzzsaw -- one must turn to the Wayback machine. Rather than stealing a sketch from the Interweave, Ayres should have consulted Sacha Stone's Bio-Arc visionary-architecture sideline.


Returning to Hg de Carle... according to one exercise in rectal sourcing, he

trained in natural healing in his twenties and worked in ophthalmic optics for fifteen years and then for ten years and ran an organic farm

No doubt for reasons of space, those decades are omitted from the biographical details of his career he retconned to mark the promotion to NaturallyBetter... or rather his careers, for he has triumphed and accrued fortunes across the full span of human accomplishment. See below for the full autohagiography, which is too good to be left as just a link.¹ Until he met and conquered the final challenge -- himself -- and taught himself the secrets of spiritual wellness, in a biography reminiscent of Harrison Wintergreen. One can only wonder why, now de Carle has mastered his own body, why he chooses to look like Creepy Uncle Ernie who is no longer in charge of a scout troop.

For a while "The Health Revolution" was a series of YouTubers as well as a webshop; all these Alt-Reality gobshites think of themselves as broadcasters and never tire of the journalist cosplay. This "programme" was a collaboration with Brian Gerrish, a.k.a. "UK Column", a Gollum look-alike Truther whose sincerity and honesty have sometimes been called into question. And to tie it all nicely together, UK Column is up to its thighs in the Hoaxtead farrago. Huzzah!

Originally Ayres and de Carle both hailed from the UK, though they have travelled extensively, citizens of the world, learning modalities of wisdom from every ancient tradition, never staying in one jurisdiction for long.

A physical location for this particular media giant is hard to specify. A disclaimer at the webshop refers us for authentication to a Canadian company, Naturally Better (Canada) Ltd, although that entity was evidently dissolved last year "for non-compliance". Company records offer a Barbados address for Jeremy Ayres. Natalie Kong (the other director, also Mrs Ayres) gave a Canadian address, but if her Faceborg page is to be believed, she resides in Mexico and sells Pocket Orgonites by harnessing the power of Lorem Ipsum.

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* The latest wave of parasites to set up a sideshow on the fringes of the Hoaxtead Circus is the International Court of Natural Justice -- another of the sovereign-citizen activities comprising Sacha Stone's portfolio of pelf. It seems that one can set out to explore the New-Age / Truther network through any portal and soon be sure of encountering familiar faces. I do not advise anything like "connect the dots, sheeple!", for if you try that with these people's tangled associations then you will wind up with something like the Parisian Metro map, or like that time the cat shat out a whole gutfull of threadworms at once. It will suffice to admire the dots themselves, such as Chief Justice Sir John Walsh of Brannagh. Or John B. Gilmore, Chairman of the Global Monetary Authority. There is a kind of Platonic perfection to their glorious fabulatory self-regard.

Anyway, your donations to the ITNJ will help them Help the Children and secure Justice, and hold hearings on child sexual trafficking. With a “Judicial Commission of Inquiry into Human Trafficking and Child Sex Abuse”, I am not making this up.

Whom am I fooling? They're there to hold talkings; hearing is not their area of expertise.

You may also recall HopeGirl, who travels the world bestowing the transformative technology of Self-Empowering Energy Generators on freedom aspirants everywhere. Sadly, the generators never seem to continue working once they are unplugged from the mains, despite hours of not-so-free tutorial advice in on-line HopeGirl consultations. Her contributions to Hoaxtead are late, and peripheral, but inevitable.

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1. Clive de Carle, Founder of The Health Revolution

Clive de Carle is one of the world’s foremost experts in optimum health and mental performance. For over 20 years he has dedicated himself to the pursuit of mental and physical high performance optimisation, providing cutting edge dietary consultancy and enabling thousands of clients to reverse the signs of illness and regain optimum health.
Clive has travelled the world studying the diets and lifestyles of the world’s longest lived peoples and investigating the very best sources of nutrient rich foods and supplements. Through this Clive has developed a range of high-grade health products during his tenure as co-founder and member of Ancient Purity.
Throughout the 80s and 90s Clive proved himself as a successful business entrepreneur. In 1986 he established England’s largest and most successful manufacturer of contact lenses, which was sold in 1996 to Johnson & Johnson.
In 1991 he also moved into the high-performance car industry, becoming the first najor importer of cutting-edge Japanese technology to the UK motor industry to the UK, that were not normally available outside of Japan, unvailing a series of high performance cars at the Earl’s Court motor show in 1991 and featured on Top Gear revealing technological breakthroughs in the motor industry.
Clive then invested into a 40 acre, fully off grid organic farm in Spain, pioneering sustainable farming methods which enabled him to achieve double the profitability of the land using fully sustainable ancient and modern techniques and technologies while deepening his understanding of the relationship between food production, nutritional content and optimum health.
Following this, Clive discovered new revolutionary voice-activated mindmapping software and set up a buisiness providing cutting-edge lie detection services to the banking and insurance industries. His services were so successful in detecting fraud that he found himself heavily courted by the security services. of several countries.
However, Clive’s passion for achieving peak health through natural means was triggered initially by a major health crisis in 1986. A healthy man of 32,Clive was prescribed a couse of anti-biotics by his doctor for a skin condition, which left him hospitalised with Type 1 diabetes and advanced rhumatoid arthritis with no hope of a cure.
With the doctors unable to help, Clive to seek out the advice of nutritional health guru Patrick Holford, author of over 20 books on health and founder of The institute of optimal nutrition…. who explained to him that he was suffering from a nutritional deficiency, not a shortage of drugs and surgery as the doctors had suggested. By following Holford’s nutritional advice, within one year Clive found he had completely reversed the arthritis.
Clive took a second hit to his health in 2003 when a traumatic divorce left him at an all-time low, suffering from depression, mental exhaustion, emotional trauma, loosing focus, vision and drive. However, once again, Clive decided to take his health into his own hands and with the help of self-hypnosis and intelligent mind management he was able to reestablish his focus and his emotional health.
Since then, Clive decided to focus on health as he realised that without your health you have nothing. Through Clive’s work, thousands of people who conventional medicine were told were incurable have now recovered their health using natural means, including those suffering from advanced terminal diseases.
In Clive’s own words, ‘In essence, I study wellness while doctors study illness, drugs, radiation and surgery. Doctors do not study health and usually only spend half a day on the vital subject of nutrition. The benefits from vibrant good health are well-known to us all but few realize what the basic rules are and just how simple they are to follow’.

We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for polio... they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms... And I thought, my God... the genius of that! The genius! The will to do that!

The Chinese scammers at SCIRP are the Wal*Mart of parasitical publishing; they cater to the low-rent rough-trade end of the desperate-to-publish market, charging only $99 to host one's vanity production on-line in one of their journal-shaped scamsites, while maintaining their income stream through indiscriminate bulk sales. Recall, for example, the Akkie Secrets of Martian Management fantasia from a couple of Dravidian Racial Supremacy cockwombles.

Knowing that they are not designed to be read, a team of anti-vaccine campaigners published their latest bolus of mendacity through a SCIRP spigot in the hope of sneaking it, unnoticed, into the ouroboric closed-cycle human centipede of antivax discourse. The journal in this case, the OA Library Journal, has abandoned all pretence of having "criteria" or "standards" or "focus", even in the title.

It is all about the DEPOPULATION AGENDA and the Gates / WHO conspiracy to pollute the bodies of Third-World womens with a method of birth-control that doesn't work, concealed in the Trojan Horse of tetanus vaccine. The fantasy is impeccably documented, with citations to conspiracy websites, fetus-licking forced-birthers, and Vaccine Weekly (i.e. a headline-clipping service).

Just saying, "sneaking past" never works.

The references are further padded with citations to scholarship-manque publications from Christopher Shaw and Lucija Tomljenovic, which might account for the presence of Shaw and Tomljenovic within the authorship list. These two are persons of interest to Riddled, on account of how frequently they find themselves being forced against their wills to sign their co-authorly names to tragically regrettable cognitive core-dumps, and this may be another example.

The first author is John Oller Jr, who is evidently proud of this opuscule, uploading a copy to his ResearchGate account and including it in his CV (under the original working title of "WHO Links Tetanus Toxoid to Human Chorionic Gonadotropin and Why Are They Doing It"). Oller's CV also speaks of his inordinate pride in an essay he wrote for 'Answers in Genesis' on Biblical-Literalist Linguistics [the gist: the 6000 years elapsed since Project Babel Tower ended in recriminations and a confusion of tongues is plenty time enough for each language phylum like Indo-European and Sino-Tibetan to branch into the present degree of diversity]. For Oller is an evolution-denying Young-Earth Creationist, with an academic grounding in speech therapy, which must have come in useful when he was editing a predatory journal on 'Entropy' and collaborating with Shaw and Tomljenovic on the topic of vaccine-adjuvant aluminium and biosemantic semiology fritillary calenture hatstand. He is clearly stupid enough to be not allowed out-of-doors when it is raining for fear that he will stare up at the clouds with mouth agape until he drowns; I cannot help suspecting that he was home-schooled. I like to think that Oller subscribes to the Institute for Creation Linguistics. He demonstrably belongs to the Institute for Creation Science.

This paragraph is Oller's contribution, I deduce from its tone of robotic pedantry:

Our fourth method involved a “thought experiment” applying the simplest type of mathematical probative tests for a variety of Euclidean congruence [65]. The KCDA claimed that the WHO dosage schedule of five shots administered in six month increments was inconsistent with published tetanus vaccination schedules. So, our simple probative test was to compare the published vaccination schedules for TT, t, with the published schedules for TT/ßhCG, ß. Calling the schedule used in Kenya, k, and taking “=” to mean congruent, if t ≠ ß, but ß = k, and k ≠ t, it follows that k is a dosage schedule appropriate to TT/ßhCG, the WHO antifertility vaccine. The simple test of congruence of dosage schedules is not conclusive proof by itself, but it is consistent with the opinion of the authors that the WHO followed a dosage schedule appropriate for TT/ßhCG in Kenya but inappropriate for TT vaccine.

Anyway, the present statement of claims first bubbled up from the sewers three years ago, with Dr Wahome Ngare and Bishop-Doctor Karanja -- spokesman and president respectively of the Kenyan Catholic Doctors Association -- pimping out the fabulated allegations like their own daughters, to be regurged by the Kenyan Catholic hierarchy and by fetus-fondling fecundity fetishists everywhere. At the time the 'tainted vaccines' claims were quickly dismissed, with people all "you lied to us about the nature of the samples so we the tests we applied weren't valid", and "no, our tests only gave an upper limit on the presence of hGC, there was probably none".

The KCDA turns out to be a genuine organisation, with the express agenda of re-medievalising medicine, and dressing up ecclesiastic dogma with a white lab-coat over the episcopal robes; it was founded by that same Catholic hierarchy, to tell them whatever fabrications they want to hear but with a gloss of independence. If it has recruits other than Ngare and Karanja, they are not rushing to advertise their membership. Reading between the lions, the real concern held by the Kenyan branch of the Catholicism franchise about the tetanus vaccination program was that the Gubblement was trying to deliver it without routing it through the godbothering establishment to let them cream off a profit and claim credit for the benefit...

The Catholic Church has not been engaged as members and participants of the Health Sector Coordinating Committee and in the respective Technical Working Group.

...so they cooked up a story to sabotage the program instead. See, people, this is what happens when you allow faith-based institutions to take a role in health-service provision: they will not rest content with just a slice of the cake, for their greed is divinely sanctioned.

Which leads us to the fourth and fifth authors on this paper: Ngare and Karanja themselves, a pair of theocratic charlatans and unmitigated gobshites. Harken to the wit and wisdom of Doctor-Bishop Karanja! In 2003:

Dr STEPHEN KARANJA Catholic gynaecologist It was a condom bonfire. We had more than 5-10 thousand people, young people, old people, simple men from the streets.
BRADSHAW: Did you go?
KARANJA: Who, myself? I was there. I have to be there. I lead by example. We had discussions about the condom. We had scientific presentations, we had social presentations, then we had… How do you want to call it… We had a symbolic burning of the evil that is the condom.

In 2011:

Dr. Karanja notes that despite being vaccinated against Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) that causes cancer of the cervix, one can still get it if they indulge in irresponsible sex...
Dr. Karanja notes that the reason why children are also dying of cancer is because lactating mothers are taking contraceptives that are passed on to children through breast milk.

Insufficiently-frequent pregnancy is why women get cancer: "many sexual partners, early sex debuts, use of contraceptives and staying too long without having a child in the case of women."
He sounds nice.

Harken to the wit and wisdom of Dr Ngare! Here he explains that the Gubblement must be lying about the continued fertility of tetanus-vaccine recipients, why would he lie?

Coming from a religious fraudster who has built his career out of telling people they should give him moneys and power because he's friends with a powerful sky fairy, the question is probably rhetorical.

The Snopes entry on the Kenyan Depopulation Hoax argues that Ngare's dichotomy is false, and offers the mollifying middle-ground that Ngare is sincerely mistaken. Well, no, he and his fellow episcopal Talivangelists knew the truth but preferred to lie. Yes, they come across as caricatures of Dark-Ages nescience and power-grasping hypocrisy, be-robed BWAA-HA-HAing sacerdotal scoundrels dreamed up by PZ Myers, but that is how they set out to act.

A previous incarnation of the Depopulation Agenda campfire-story occurred in the Philippines in 1995. Again, local theocrats decided to sabotage a vaccine program by faking reports that the neonatal-tetanus component was Stealth Sterility, and obtaining a district court restraining order to pause it [the program was associated with a political aspirant with secular inclination, so it could not be allowed to succeed; the pro-preventable-disease counter-campaign was a way of undercutting his godless popularity].* Multiple vaccine schedules were disrupted, and one can only speculate how many children died in consequence... but whatever the number, it was a small price for other people to pay, in the cause of maintaining the Church's perogatives and status. Ngare and Karanja drew on this 1995 precedent for their 2014 infant-mortality campaign, recycling much of its rhetoric and mendacity, and it is cited in this paper.

In 2015 the KCDA tried to disrupt a different Kenyan vaccine program -- polio, this time -- with the same excuse, that it smelled of Super-Sekrit Birth Control. The bishops were not subtle with their reminders to the gubblement, that the problem could easily go away if only the right feelings and itchy palms were assuaged.

The country's Conference of Catholic Bishops declared a boycott of the World Health Organization's vaccination campaign, saying they needed to "test" whether ingredients contain a derivative of estrogen. Dr. Wahome Ngare of the Kenyan Catholic Doctor's Association alleged that the presence of the female hormone could sterilize children.

I am surprised that this later evidence of UN Black-Helicopter Chemtrail Depop is not mentioned in the new paper. Perhaps the authors are already planning a sequel.

"There are all sorts of stories out there," [Ngare] told me. "Vaccines can cause autism. Vaccines have been used for spread of HIV. There are some cancer-causing viruses that you'd find in vaccines. So there are lot of stories. Some of them we don't know whether they're true or not true."
I pointed out to him that research has shown that claims of vaccines being linked to autism and HIV and cancer are in fact not true.
His response: "We could debate this forever."

Christopher Shaw prides himself on his activism for progressive causes. Why he chose to end his career by crawling into bed with this execrable gang of extreme-right theocratic shitweasels is anybody's guess.

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* In subsequent reality-untethered embellishments of the story, the Manila Regional Court was replaced by the Supreme Court of the Philippines, because more impressive.

LifeSiteNews.com reported that in 1995, the Catholic Women’s League of the Philippines won a court order halting a UNICEF anti-tetanus program because the vaccine had been laced with B-hCG, which when given in a vaccine permanently causes women to be unable to sustain a pregnancy. The Supreme Court of the Philippines found the surreptitious sterilization program had already vaccinated three million women, aged 12 to 45. B-hCG-laced vaccine was also found in at least four other developing countries.

It is also an article of faith in these forced-birth anti-vax compulsive-lying circles that the vaccine drive was imposed on the Philippines by UNICEF and WHO and black helicopters, as there is no place in their racist cockwomble world for the notion that benighted brown people could instigate and operate their own public-health initiatives.

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come

New Zealand is closed for mourning. Flags hang at half-mast, patriotic citizens wear armbands of Fuligin (the colour that is blacker than black), and no coffees are served other than Long Blacks, for a mighty pinetree has fallen.

But there is a silver lining to every sow's ear. For the great man's biographies emphasise his Common Touch, as a Man of the People -- a term of art meaning that he was as thick as two short slabs of macrocarpa -- and Col'n 'Pinetree' Meads distinguished himself in his dotage by pimping a Electric Bleach Water Cancer Cure (sold for $100/bottle by some organic-farm dickwad and a cashiered doctor). Thus the calamity provides a convenient segway to goings-on in the exciting world of Alt-Med!

It's been a while since we last visited the 40 St Benedict St (Auckland) premises of Michael Kelly and his colleagues at Natural Solutions, a lot of electric bleach water has passed under the bridge, and sedulous Riddled readers have been wondering what medical discoveries have emerged from there lately. I am not entirely certain what 'sedulous' means, but it sounds enough like a disease that medscammers surely offer a cure for it.

Mr Kelly has a colourful career, literally, in the sense of his Gemstone Chromatic Vibrational Healing Technology. Vide his biography, he learned "Dynamic Radiometric Thermal Diagnostics" and "Dielectric Resonance Management Procedures" in 2004. Followed in 2005 by training in "Biological Terrain Managment"

utilizing analysis of Saliva and Urine for health assessment and intervention recommendations.

If you are costumed as a giant M&M or 25-million-mg acid-tab, in preparation for being speared through the chest in an all-M&M production of Götterdämmerung, chromatic gemstone vibronic therapy will help you wear the suit with the hole in correct alighment.



All this, and much more (movement focused exercises, chinese herbs, positive mental attitudes) to overcome his own lymphoma, in the manner of Harrison Wintergreen, and in accordance with the Wounded Healer Shamanic Origin Story Archetype. The initiation into the Sufic Tradition came earlier in 1992.

This is all the more impressive when we learn from company records that Kelly was resident on Waiheke Island all the while, founding a succession of short-lived and swiftly-liquidated businesses,* before establishing Farside Bar & Cafe... which morphed into the Vibronics Tuning Centre... which became Vibronic Health... and most recently Natural Health Ltd.

Of more interest here are the companies Natural Solutions NZ and Immuno Biotech. Through the associated webstores and FB pages our man distributes life-style accountrements and GcMAF-free merchandise from a regular friend of Riddled, fermented-milk impresario Marco Ruggiero. Originally the magic medicinal yoghurt itself, Bravo, and the more-recent non-dairy yoghurt, and now the Stuff itself, Rerum®. All comprising the Ruggiero Protocol, né the Swiss Protocol. Rerum is such a successful and much-run-after blend of cheap ingredients that it has already inspired not one, not three, but two imitative knock-offs from rivals in the GcMAF community -- ReViVe from Candice Bradstreet and Omnia from Trevor Banks.

Someone tell Candice: God hates CamelCase

In fact Kelly aspires to be the only distributor of these products, and he has devoted a webpage to disparaging competing outlets, which stand accused of using the same photographs of the manufacturer's packaging of natural frozen-yoghurt suppositories.

It's about ethics in snakeoil advertising

Another webpage shows Jeff Bradstreet -- disgraced and deceased autism-exploitation charlatan -- endorsing Natural Solutions as a purveyor of fine fermented-milk products. Except the screen-grab has been retouched... perhaps as a homage to Bradstreet's career of mendacity, or as a display of commitment to the sanctity of intellectual property... and his actual blog endorsed one of those rival suppliers.

Spot the difference

The other two buttocks of the St Benedicts nates were Immuno Biotech and Rerum.biz. In a further genuflection to originality of content, the former website pretended that the company was a branch of David Noakes' Guernsey-based GcMAF dispensary of the same name.** Until last year it presented itself as an actual clinic, offering 'Licensed Medical Immunotherapy', though the agency of this licensure is unclear. The company boasted a co-director for a while, in the person of Ulrich-bero Doering, a doctor of the Rudolf Steiner school of flamboyant fabulation, who prescribed GcMAF as part of his artistic practice (in addition to sea-cucumber squeezins and homeopathic mistletoe extract).

Be that as it may -- we refuse to be side-tracked -- as part of promoting its wares, Natural Solutions plays host to no end of Rerum-related material. One finds there a PPT prepared for a recent Fulda scamboree, in which Dr Antonucci boasts of an 80% success rate in treating 40 children with autism (best not to inquire what became of the other 260 children he treated). But especially there are Ruggiero advertorials from a journal-shaped midden from a parasitical publisher, Journal of Ruggiero Studies Am.J.Immunol.

Here's a new one:


"What in the name of Azathoth is E. coli's Vaccine?" wonders the reader, for that is a whole nother kettle of red herrings, where tales abound of Innovative Galilean Genius Disdained by Mainstream Science. But here at Riddled HQ we are not so distractible, and we prefer to shift our focus with laser-like singelemindedness to the TBL-12 side of Michael Kelly's catalogue.



Cast backwards your minds, younglings, as far back as our previous loving attention to TBL-12. This product is a veritable seafood salad of sponge and sea-cucumber squeezins, shark-fin, and hitherto undreamt-of quantities of exporto grass, although the shark-related ingredient has been swept under the carpet of "other marine products" in deference to contemporary conservationist sensibilities. It comes with its own Wounded Healer origin story, at one generation removed, wherein the proprietor's father cured his own cancer when a kindly Chinese sage initiated him into the secret of the age-old recipe.

The proprietor received a few admonishing words from the Advertising Standards Authority about the illegality of claiming actual curative properties for his product, forcing him to tone down his rhetoric. No such constraint applies to the Website of Testimonials (which is totally independent), nor of course to Natural Solutions.

Persuaded by some encouraging test-tube and Phase-II trials five years ago, the FDA granted the stuff the status of "orphan drug" for multiple myeloma, in case anyone wants to research it further (the enthusiastic and ambitious researcher who conducted those trials seems to have obtained his desired promotion and is now pursuing other interests). This permission is treated as an FDA endorsement because of course it is.

So here's cricketing legend Martin Crowe, praising the cucumber squeezins for curing his own cancer [not multiple myeloma], just before it killed him. What is it about New Zealand sports celebrities sacrificing their reputations for the cause of cancer flimflam?

New Zealand cricketing great Martin Crowe is focusing on passion and forgiveness as he relies on natural remedies to keep him going through until next month's Cricket World Cup.
The 52-year-old has given up chemotherapy, but says his energy is returning and he is sleeping 14 hours most days.

...

"I'm taking a product called TBL-12, which is a marine supplement mainly made of sea cucumbers from the Pacific Islands. I've been taking it for about three to four months.

Another lady was not a sports celebrity, but was related to one, which was enough to convince a court to grant compassionate release from her false-promise-related jail term when she was dying of stomach cancer so she could spend her final weeks making cancer-cure false promises.

Bonus Pinetree because Oglaf

Naturally here at Riddled we are seeking to recruit a terminally-ill athlete to promote our own healing elixir -- extracted from crunched numbers -- though so far we have only managed to sign up Greenish Hugh, who was Te Awamutu Tiddly-Winks Champion 2-½ years running, and is feeling a trifle fragile after too much Christmas Ale.

[Thx Dora, Sylvie Coyaud]

Fresh-caught uncrunched numbers

Additional ingredients

----------------------------------------------------

* One wonders whether Nu-Image International Ltd (1999 - 2005) was in any way related to the infamous Nu-Food.

** OUT-TAKE!
Michael Kelly is such a mischievous wee scamp. He spoofed a post on Noakes' "FirstImmune" FB page, using his Immunobiotech identity to direct readers in search of GcMAF to his own GcMAF-free product range.

Noakes has been neglecting his curatorial duties at the Face-Bukkake, so it is open-slather there. In consequence it is dominated by complaints from customers who never saw the GcMAF they paid for, and were promised a refund of their €600, only that was also lost at sea.

Of course not everyone can avoid distractions as adroitly as me. Noakes has legal challenges to his GcMAF dispensary to handle, as well as those appropriations of his brand.

David Noakes, the chief executive officer of Immuno Biotech, will appear in Folkestone Magistrates’ Court on 20 September after being charged by the Specialist Fraud Division of the Crown Prosecution Service, a spokesman has confirmed.
A local investigation into alleged money laundering, involving two individuals linked with the business, continues.
There also remains an ongoing Health & Social Care Committee investigation into potential offences under the Medicines Law, 2008.

[Don't worry, Riddled agents will attend the court hearing and pass on any news of the two other individuals under investigation]

Noakes is not wasting time: his response to these provocations is to settle the score with poison-pen denunciations of his lengthening list of enemies.

Artist's impression of Blogger as Hitmouse

Some score-settling occurs through a monthly giveaway London-borough paper that Noakes founded a decade ago to "cover issues ‘from the ordinary man on the street to the acts of parliament that go unreported in the press’" [which is to say, UKIP politics, anti-EU opinionation and general antisemitism].

The Westminster News has been through tits-up episodes since that first incarnation and has a different editor now, but the current guy is happy to let Noakes fill the front pages and the space between ads with material penned under a variety of nyms -- sometimes "Kurnal de Noailles" or "Julian Williams", sometimes just "Our Health Correspondent" -- in a style that would be thought overwrought by the standards of Dan Brown fanfic. I am not making this up: these are the headlines arriving through front-door mail slots in Mayfair and Belgravia, to provide entertainment for the jaded occupants.

Further poison-penmanship involves a splendid panoply of sockpuppet websites housed on a server / IP-address in Panama (mostly registered in São Tomé and Príncipe), targetting Noakes' enemies in the Guernsey legal system and in the UK medical-safety bureaucracy. There was gcmaftruth.st and gcmaftruth.com, but also chemo.st and chemokills.info and pharmamurders.com, mhrafraud.co.uk and mhracorrupt.st and gsy.st... you get the general theme. Now there are more, as his Hating Book acquires fresh entries! The names corrupteschweiz.ch, suissecorrompue.ch and corruptswitzerland.se suggest that he has not yet moved on from the closure of his unlicensed clinic there. I can't remember if nofda.se is new or not.




And the most recent Noakes FB post was an advertisement for his new project, healnow.se -- a growing, all-encompassing encyclopedia of self-treatment advice (albeit a work in progress) that will put readers beyond the reach of the medical system completely. Without even trying to sell Noakes' own products. Take that, medical profession!

First Immune Gcmaf
4 June
https://healnow.se/
You can cure many diseases yourself. As a natural organism the body responds best to natural treatments, like vitamins, nutrients and supplements. The average Western doctor now gets less than a day on those in a seven year training, which is why their success rate has dropped alarmingly. For example, in 1890 they could cure 44% of terminal stage 4 cancer patients. Today its less than 5 %, and they wheel out the dead bodies. Healnow.se has contributions from biomedical scientists, doctors who have seen the light, and osteopaths.

H/t to PRN for the suggestion that the "44% cure rate in 1890" is a distorted, dimly-misremembered garble of Coley's problematic claims from the early 20th century.

You weren't going to talk about Coley Vaccine.

I never even mentioned Coley.