Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Nice Things. Why we Can't Have Them

The popularity of zorb-riding during the 1620s was short-lived, owing to lax safety standards and the lack of an overall licensing board. Many Zorb operators were willing to hire out the equipment to geriatric thrill-seekers without bothering to check their customers' reaction speed or attentiveness. This led to a series of horrific crashes, with little effect from a 1616 law that all zorbs should be preceded by a man waving a red flag and riding in another zorb, until Emperor Rudolf II tired of the scandals and banned the entire industry.

In this image, captured by a traffic-control etcher, the elderly party in the zorb is tearing along like the clappers, as you can see from how rapidly the witness at the right is turning his head. Yet he is paying no attention where he going, completely distracted by the conversation he is having with the sock monkey on his right shoulder and the bear emerging from his left hip. The small child at the left is toast.

14 comments:

ckc (not kc) said...

...tire tracks clearly indicate earlier traffic incidents...

the child may be toast, but has been working out, and I suspect shenanigans

disappointing absence of rocks

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Well, the fact that plastic hadn't been invented was also a factor. Even the greatest glass-blowers of Murano could not make zorbi that would last more than one ride- one traumatic ride.

merc said...

I stopped reading when the rocks were absented.

grallol, that's how we roll laughing drunk as bro.

Smut Clyde said...

Next you people will be wanting drag-and-drop rocks with which to decorate the pictures. It's probably not a good idea to encourage you.

merc said...

we hunger for the rocks...

Smut Clyde said...

Perhaps Amadeus will be able to rock you. I'm off to the pub.

ckc (not kc) said...

...yes, that's just like you blog proprietors!... off to the pub!.. and we're left here to deal with zorb-maimed children, lizard-enhanced seniors and siamese triplets joined at the skull...

(mutter, mutter, mutter....)

(I have my own rocks, by the way)

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Smut Clyde said...

Perhaps Amadeus will be able to rock you. I'm off to the pub.
===================

The Olde Entomologist™ will carry your tab for a certain time, and no further.
~

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The Olde Entomologist™ will carry your tab for just so long.
~

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Next you people will be wanting drag-and-drop rocks with which to decorate the pictures.

Those who perambulate in glass zorbs shouldn't drop rocks.

merc said...

...rocks thrown out of zorb...

poloba; a mess, a disaster, a bad poloba over egged.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I imagine a zorb-by shooting would be hard to pull off in a glass zorb.

The getaway would be the hard part.

Substance McGravitas said...

No zorb-by shootings. Just zorb-ons. Sonic the hedgehog was an early innovator in zorbic transformation.

Another Kiwi said...

It is madness to take a sock-monkey into a Zorb, unless there are bananas in there.