Saturday, August 14, 2010

Worst Fly-fishing Lures EVAH

I grant that apart from the dead weight of tradition, there is nothing special about feathers as the material for weaving fishing lures, and there's nothing wrong with trying new materials. It is not as if trout are drawn selectively towards feathers by their killer instincts, or as if birds are a major component of their diet.* But somehow I doubt that they find Laura Ashley fabrics any more attractive.

Also, contact cement and pig bristles are no substitute for an actual hook.

* This proved to be the fatal flaw in my proposal for ridding Wellington of its feral-pigeon problem.
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This fish chose a Laura Ashley print for the curtains to match the baize wallpaper, but is now thinking of stripping the whole room and repapering it with Anaglypta or Lincrusta, which have been uncool for long enough that now they're ironic rather than kitsch.


This fish has developed a strong aversion to feathers, as a result of the people in the boat shooting arrows at it, so an experienced fly fisherman knows better than to try any of the usual lures like the Triumph or the Adams, and will instead resort to a M80. But even before the arrow episode it was a confused and conflicted fish.

This kind of horizontal DNA transfer is an inevitable result of intensive aquaculture, as long as there are irresponsible people who recycle dead chickens by grinding them up as an ingredient in the food pellets.

13 comments:

merc said...

Glad you cleared this area up, it really needed some scientism added, and you are right, that is one conflicted fish.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

No wonder fish steals comments. It's a passive aggressive response to the slings and arrows.
~

Willy said...

as long as there are irresponsible people who recycle dead chickens by grinding them up as an ingredient in the food pellets.

Chicken, is there anything it can't do?

mikey said...

I KNEW it!

It was just too predictable that those food pellets would taste like chicken...

Substance McGravitas said...

Chicken pellets are superior to bicycle pellets. No more are there schools of rusting fish creaking through the ocean.

mikey said...

It will not come as a surprise that when I sampled some Hadrosaur pellets they tasted very much like bicycles...

Another Kiwi said...

I think that we are seeing a new development in Fly Fishing, here. One that concentrates on what we might call "Secondary" aspects of the trout lifestyle. I'm not convinced that providing decorating materials and ornaments for the trout to use in their burrows is a winner, though. Are they sophisticated enough for Ashley prints?

Smut Clyde said...

schools of rusting fish

We repeatedly warned the fish about the dangers of mollycule exchange so it is all their own fault if some of them are now 70% bicycle.

merc said...

Not to mention them alligator lizards in the air.

Smut Clyde said...

These alligator lizards in the air?

merc said...

Yep that'll do, I was thinking of a song about a horse with no name and the original purple rain. Great etching though, great wooing tool.

fish said...

Let us just say there was a period of sexual experimentation in my past and leave it at that. Shall we?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

no. you're under oath, fish.