Worst Fly-fishing Lures EVAH

I grant that apart from the dead weight of tradition, there is nothing special about feathers as the material for weaving fishing lures, and there's nothing wrong with trying new materials. It is not as if trout are drawn selectively towards feathers by their killer instincts, or as if birds are a major component of their diet.* But somehow I doubt that they find Laura Ashley fabrics any more attractive.

Also, contact cement and pig bristles are no substitute for an actual hook.

* This proved to be the fatal flaw in my proposal for ridding Wellington of its feral-pigeon problem.

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This fish chose a Laura Ashley print for the curtains to match the baize wallpaper, but is now thinking of stripping the whole room and repapering it with Anaglypta or Lincrusta, which have been uncool for long enough that now they're ironic rather than kitsch.


This fish has developed a strong aversion to feathers, as a result of the people in the boat shooting arrows at it, so an experienced fly fisherman knows better than to try any of the usual lures like the Triumph or the Adams, and will instead resort to a M80. But even before the arrow episode it was a confused and conflicted fish.

This kind of horizontal DNA transfer is an inevitable result of intensive aquaculture, as long as there are irresponsible people who recycle dead chickens by grinding them up as an ingredient in the food pellets.