Wednesday, August 17, 2011

"The Mummy Returns": not entirely founded on fact

Many of the public mummy-unwrapping ceremonies that were popular in the early days of archeology turned into riots, with the disappointed audience demanding their money back. Like many things in life, mummies turn out to be largely packaging, but you have to unwrap all the bandages before you realise how much the body shrank in the course of preservation.

These Egyptologists will not be shopping with "Cut-price Kharis the Discount Dragoman" again.

18 comments:

mikey said...

The little guy on the left brews up a new batch.

The itty bitty QA techs in the center pull a standard 1% AQL sample and find it well out of compliance. They reject the entire batch.

The production tech on the right dumps it in the trash.

Upstairs, the great big executive managers in the great big executive management suite frown grumpy frowns, the kind of frowny frowns that can only result from throwing away perfectly good batches of product, when 'perfectly good' means somebody would have paid full retail or at least discounted retail for it.

There is, and has always been, an inherent tension between the Quality management team and the executive management team. It would serve those Quality gnomes well to remember just exactly who signs their tiny little paychecks at the end of the week.

M. Bouffant said...

Do the wrappings absorb tattoo ink from the mummies, or are they writ upon after the mummification for identification purposes?

Another Kiwi said...

The speech bubble above Pointing-down ZZ Top guy says Arnold.
This is just an old Cali Governorship campaign photo. Real Egyptolonologistsarianss (it's a word that goes on and feckin' on and a man gets lost in the fecking middle of it and loses his senses so it is written), are not fooled.

Smut Clyde said...

Do the wrappings absorb tattoo ink from the mummies

They came that way, printed with step-by-step instructions. The wrapping staff were not very smart -- unskilled labour and all that -- and needed everything spelled out WITH PICTURES.

Smut Clyde said...

The Library Pixies tried to tell me that the picture came from the Journal of Modern Puppeteering, where it was illustrating a scholarly article on "The use of Elastic Bands to Replace Puppet Strings: Discouraging Results". But what do they know?

Just Alison in a red velvet hat said...

Just for you, Smut Bimmler.

Viz the mummies, they are kinda disappointing when unwrapped. Not unlike most Christmas presents, although I've never sold tickets to my present-unwrapping. Perhaps I should start.

Just Alison in a red velvet hat said...

Sodding buggery goddammit, I keep trying to leave a post at S,N! but WordPress has turned its back on me. That takes the fucking biscuit: I'll be visiting WordPress' house, sowing the carpet with grass and watering in well. See how it likes that when it gets home next week.

Smut Clyde said...

I was just saying to Another Kiwi that what this blog needs is more sodding buggery goddammit.

mikey said...

Hi!

I just came by to pick up a little Sodding Buggery Goddamit and take it home with my in this pail.

Thanks!

Oh! Mom says hi, and she really liked those cigarettes you sent over when she was having her woman problems...

just Alison in a red velvet hat said...

Why, WordPress, why? I gave back the couch and the best plates. I apologised for the scurrilous rumours I spread about you. So why won't you let me post at S,N!

But I still get to ask the question: does the eusa in the blog name reference Riddley Walker? T'was one of the coolest books in the history of bookery forever.

And one thing I learned from another Russell Hoban book: in the Middle Ages there was a flourishing trade in holy relics, which some intrepid businessmen cooked up using smoke and tannin. So perhaps the mummy trade was kinda similar.

Another Kiwi said...

Indeed it does Just Alison in a red velvet hat. And thus the whole "Riddled" conspiracy lies gasping and flopping on the parlour floor like a parrot with emphysema (although possibly just some bad seeds, man).
A parcel of more sodding buggery goddammit has arrived at the postroom but the postal pixies are refusing to deliver it in a demarcation dispute that could dwarf, if I can use that descriptor, the 1951 waterfront strike.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I AM entertained.

Smut Clyde said...

MEMO: All Staff: Re Smoko Room.

Please remember that if you have used the last of the Sodding Buggery Goddammit, it is your responsibility to brew a fresh pot.
Thank you.

Mentis Fugit said...

They came that way, printed with step-by-step instructions.

Insert tongs (A) into sinuses (B) and extract brain (C). Put aside for Placation Of The Undead and proceed to section 4.

I was just saying to Another Kiwi that what this blog needs is more sodding buggery goddammit.

Can I trade my portion of the lash for more rum, please?

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

sodding buggery goddammit. In layperson's terms..wtf does that mean?

Whale Chowder said...

What's all this about sodomizing budgies? Is there no depth to which you loony libs won't sink?

vacuumslayer said...

Libs will do anything for love. Yes, even that.

Smut Clyde said...

In layperson's terms..wtf does that mean?

Some things cannot be translated from the charmingly rustic Australian argot.