Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Transporting mynahs across a staid lion

Penelope is so old that it doesn't even appear in the lists of "talking dolphin science fiction novels" that kids these days compile when they are not otherwise occupied with getting on my lawn.* Note, though, how the mycophagia dialog provides a natural segue from an earlier post. A natural segue is required as a substitute for the "fluke accident" joke that was intended to structure this post before tigris stole it.

Here is a cute heart-warming story about a dolphin with a prosthetic tail. There is a movie. She lost her original tail in a SHUT UP SMUT

Naturally our immediate response at Riddled Enterprises was to wonder "How many complete loons out there in Otherkin circles are reading this story with prurient fascination and pondering how they too can acquire prosthetic tails of their own, to fit their self-image as dolphin souls trapped in human bodies? And how can we extract money from them?"

It is a fortunate coincidence that our colleagues at Weta Workshop -- purveyors of digitigrade leg extensions to well-heeled furries** -- are also creating prosthetic mermaid tails as a replacement for truncated legs.

But oddly enough, a cursory inspection of Encyclopedia Dramatica and WikiFur reveals a serious dearth of weird people actually seeking surgical intervention to turn them into dolphins. Or mermades. Though for rubber-dolphin suit fetish artwork for a discerning clientele, see here, OH MY GOD MY EYES I CAN STILL SEE

This is probably just as well. I would hate to be in the position of a surgeon having to explain to a patient with major body-image issues that professional ethics preclude the amputation of a perfectly good pair of legs merely to make room for a cetacean tail prosthesis. Option 1: Team up with a like-minded individual (preferably an Icelandic pixie) for a session of mutual consensual leg removal with flensing knives, aboard a Japanese whaling vessel in the midst of a raging storm.

Option 2: Arrange for the loss of one's lower extremities in a carefully-choreographed SHUT UP SMUT

* Contemporaneous with Flipper, and even preceding Day of the Dolphin, Penelope was published back when Lilly was still progressing from his cetacean-speech research to his "ripped off his tits on Sandoz's finest" research. Szilard's Voice of the Dolphins is still the fore-runner in the genre.

Oh look, there is a 1974 sequel! I did not know that.




** DIY digitigrade leg extensions from a performance in the National Gallery in Prague:

16 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

OMG, he exclaimed. There ARE platypus furries?!?!!
~

Jennifer said...

Free bouncy rides??

And although not sci-fi... where's the Flipper love in this post?

tigris said...

I didn't steal it, it was just laying there, unwanted and a little soiled, waiting to be picked up and used. Also those locks and booby-traps were way too easy to foil.

vacuumslayer said...

OK, maybe the wingnuts have a point: the hippies DO dress funny.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Furries may be weird but in terms of sexual gratification, they are a great deal less fucked up than dolphins.

Trevor said...

You are threatening civilisation as we know it, sir. All the coffee in the Pentagon will turn green, and then where will we be?

Substance McGravitas said...

Is no one gonna acknowledge how bonerific a digital orca can be? I WOULD PUT MY ONE IN THAT ZERO.

Smut Clyde said...

No laughs for the "well-heeled" joke? YOU'RE ALL BANNED.

Smut Clyde said...

There ARE platypus furries?!?!!

You'd think that the venomous spurs in the ankles would be a turn-off for yiffing.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Mushroom News
~

Smut Clyde said...

That "Mushroom News" story
(1) buys into the Five-Factor model of psychology, a toxic form of scholastic nonsense that someone should blog about some time;
(2) makes the culture-bound assumption that a high score on the "openness" scale is an improvement on a low score; and
(3) talks about "personality improvement" when in the small print it's really all about "styles of ticking items in a self-assessed checklist".

Besides, if psilocybin use produced a lasting improvement in personality, then once upon a time I must have been much much worse than I am now, and is that really possible?

Smut angry now. Smut smash.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Uh oh, it seems to be wearing off.

Time to redose, S.C.!
~

tigris said...

Holy crap, let's set up the nice music and pretty lights and feed it to teabaggers.

Besides, if psilocybin use produced a lasting improvement in personality, then once upon a time I must have been much much worse than I am now, and is that really possible?

If your picture is any guide, maybe that's how your lid got lifted.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I WOULD PUT MY ONE IN THAT ZERO.

They don't call it a blowhole for nothing!

fish said...

Surprisingly, the DOD's efforts to enter the furry market was not as effective as they had hoped. Apparently weaponized dolphins is a bit more of a niche market than they had initially anticipated.

Smut Clyde said...

Worst dolphin-sex puns EVAH.