Friday, October 7, 2011

The Lie of the Land*

Behold Wellington's latest public sculpture.**
Homoeroticism!

Rear view!

Opinions are divided as to its geological accuracy. Speaking to Riddled on the condition of confidentiality, a geomorphologist informed us that neither Thomas Gold's "abiotic genesis of rugby players" theory nor the "rapidly-petrifying-human-beings" model of orogeny currently enjoy wide support within the profession.


Also outdated: "Black-
robots-
with-petrifying-
beam" model

HA HA had you going for a minute there. It is in fact a subtle allegory disguising the concept of "Rugby". It was commissioned from the busy elves of Weta Workshop, who usually focus on authorised collectible scale models of Sméagol and Barad-dûr, but here they were invited to lend their admirably literal illustrative skills to the theme of "popular ball game" and given $350000 to play with.

We do have an established system for commissioning public art, but the Sculpture Trust has been know to allow aesthetic sensibilities to influence their decisions, diluting their purchases' value as branding statements. Also if a single artist is good, think how much better an entire design committee must be! In this case, therefore, the Trust was bypassed and the Council of the day called for tenders. Evidently the Franklin Mint did not present their submission in time and the bid from Weta Workshop was accepted instead, without asking them for a model of the intended construction. I am not making this up.

When the rugby cup is over and the embarrassment grows too much, they can always replace the shiny ball with an IED and rebrand it as a War Memorial to NZ's involvement in Afghanistan.
------------------------------------------------
* Totally stolen title.
** A funnier person notes "its resemblance to a provincial junior rugby trophy, a knick-knack gift for a rugby-loving uncle, and a vagina."

13 comments:

Trevor said...

Even by the dismal standards of the genre, that would have to be the most embarrassing war memorial ever. We finally learn just why it is that Kiwis have a cultural cringe.

Another Kiwi said...

It's very clever. Notice how on one side it's a representation of the All Blacks playing Scotland in Auckland, 1975 (That Rainy Game) and on the other it's a bloke jumping out of a volcano. It's not just some scale model of a volcano that Weta had lying around after Sir PJ decided it had the wrong Feng Shui or something.

M. Bouffant said...

All I know about rugburns is stories about fingers entering other player's bums during a scum or whatever it's called, & I think that's all I want to know.

But I thank you for reminding me that at least the United Snakes have never erected public, gummint-funded sculpture to any of our national teams or sporting heroes. (The fact that the only group that's accomplished anything in a world of Association Football & other, even lesser stuff was the all-pro "Dream Team" of some Olympics is neither here nor there.)

Substance McGravitas said...

Maybe we can get Cronenberg's folks to do something with hockey.

ckc (not kc) said...

...hockey

Is this scarey enough for you?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

S.C., you'll be more or less pleased (or exactly the same) to know that I posted your tiger lilies video at Harry Hutton's Home of Not-blogging.
~

mikey said...

Doesn't seem so bad to me. Of course, in San Jose we have a stature commemorating poo.

Substance McGravitas said...

URL done broke for the poo statue.

I NEEDED to know.

mikey said...

Hmm. Ubuntu One is borked. It must be a rain cloud. Har har.

Here's a dropbox link to the poo memorial:

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/26609761/San_Jose_Plumed_Serpent.JPG

Smut Clyde said...

If that is a typical P00P, mikey, you really should try plucking the chicken before eating it. Roughage is all very well but no need to over-do it.

Now the Poo is angry! Run for your lives!!

Another Kiwi said...

Is the plumed poo serpent on it's back. Why? Is this some clever food luring behaviour?
"Hey Jasper, here is a pile of poos. Imma kick it"
"OW, my leg's going numb!"
"I allus loved you, Jasper"

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Here's a dropbox link to the poo memorial:

POOP there it is!

POOP there it is!
~

Smut Clyde said...

Now the P00P is asleep again.